I don’t really get why there would be a correlation - if there are similarities, I’d call it a coincidence. I mean, it’s decades later and communication methods are completely different. Not to mention, that I am different, my kids are different that I was, etc.
That said, all 3 of mine (one still in college) are heard from daily in the form of a call, text or email. Sometimes several texts a day - we have a running text thread for me, H, the 3 kids and now one spouse. Often silly stuff, questions, updates, etc. We’ve just always (the kids and I and H) shared a lot. D who is a current sophomore in college also calls me briefly most days. Not required, just her choice.
In college, I called home once a week on Sundays, collect I think!
"don’t really get why there would be a correlation - if there are similarities, I’d call it a coincidence. I mean, it’s decades later and communication methods are completely different. "
Yeah. You just can’t compare a time when communication is practically instant to a time when it was expensive and required coordination. We are in Eurooe right now and our plan has unlimited data and text so we have been taking pictures and texting some of them to our kids back home who are of course responding with “looks like fun!” or telling us about things in their everyday lives. Contrast this with 40 years ago when my dad took 6-week trips to Asia for his work every year. He called once a week and it was so expensive and it was a super quick call mostly just to make sure the house hadn’t burned down - we kids didn’t do much more than say “hi Daddy, we love you.”
I went to college about 15 minutes from home. I didn’t contact my parents all that often. Probably because they were close by.
DS13 is only 40 minutes from home. Plus he could step off campus, walk across the street and visit DH’s office any time. We don’t hear from him all that often. Maybe it’s because he’s so close but I don’t really worry about it.
However when DS17 goes off to college OOS I’m going to require a once a week check in…
My son was once week,now that he is out of college, he still normally calls on.ce per week.He is horrbile about answering texts.
D1, college senior calls at least 2-3 times per week, to chat
D2 college freshman, we are still working out our rhythm. She will probably not call as much as D1, which makes me sad. She does know that she has to call once per week. As a parent I want to make sure she is okay. There are too many stories of kids depressed, etc and the parents have no clue, so I like to keep tabs on them as much as possible while in school.
I don’t think a weekly Skype is overbearing. We never had such a requirement/request but it doesn’t seem out of line.
I’d suggest letting the student pick a usual time. “We’d like to Skype once a week. What’s a time that you think will work well for you?” And be reasonable if it can’t happen on occasion.
My kids do not like FaceTime/Skype. I’ve never had one with S and 3 times with D. Once in college with D and she hated it. 2x lately to show me and then her grandma her new apartment. So see how comfortable your kid is. I like to let the kids take the lead in when/how they are in contact.
I don’t think that requiring a phone call or Skype/Facetime once a week is overbearing for most family dynamics, but your mileage may vary.
@partyof5 I had the same thought about Skype last year – that seeing D1 once a week would alert me to signs of depression or anxiety, both of which run in our family. Turns out, not so much. D1 is very good at hiding things when she wants to.
I’m not saying that it’s not an excellent baseline for most, just not to rely on it entirely if you have any suspicions that something might be wrong. This year, we’re adding one or two phone calls throughout the week – probably only one, so she doesn’t get sick of us. It’s worked well so far…
I have a D17 and I’m actually going to request that she only text me during free time in the evenings…every day if she likes, but once a day is plenty. What she does now is text and call all day long to share every little detail. We are super close but I do want her to seperate from her a phone a bit more in college. Back in the day, I called my mom at least 1x a week. I don’t understand kids who don’t call at least that much. I thinks it’s a cultural thing. Where I’m from, we stay in touch regularly, because you just never know.
^^ This is a nice gesture, but really, even for the purposes of checking email, appointments, meetings, etc. - they will be married to their phone.
I would overall say don’t necessarily expect more (or less) contact at college than you received at home. Your habits and patterns in your family or relationship are exactly that. If you want to open the lines of communication for when they go to college, start before they go to college! It seems a little crummy to me for communication to be an “assignment”. I know for some it is though.
I don’t see how you could draw much of a connection. Communication is so much easier now. And my two Ds were completely different. One called daily. The other grudgingly phones on Sunday night if she must.
I rarely called my mom while in college because I don’t like talking on the phone and she always seemed so sad at the end of calls (so I’d always say to myself ‘I’ll call next week when I won’t feel so bad for her.’). She was a single mom and I expect rather lonely when I left until my older brother moved in with her I never wrote while in college either, but when I traveled overseas my junior year I wrote letters and postcards 2x a week.
So with my D16, I’m not expecting too much as it seems hypocritical when I was so bad in college. But texting seems to work and we have been texting every other day. D has always been a 1-3 words texter, but lately has been more chatty. We won’t call. We are a family (5 of us) who cannot stand phones or Skype or Facetime. S19 is very different. When he is away from home (camp or competition), he texts daily novels about everything that happened. When at home, he likes to recount all minutia of his day on the drive home from school. S05 lives overseas and we keep up on Facebook and via FB messenger. We are in touch 3-4 times a week.
I have to say, we thought we’d skype enthusiastically, but after 1 or 2 skype sessions (“turn the camera and show me your room!”) the novelty wore off and we went back to phone calls.
We skype if someone wants to see our dog “live and in action” or if someone goes shopping and wants to show off their purchases “live and in person.” Otherwise while we occasionally do, sometimes the video feed is wonky so it’s just easier to talk on the phone. We know what each other looks like.
I talked to my kids daily when they were in college. They called me while they were walking to and from classes. If they wanted to have a long talk they would call me from their apartment. In the last few years we text more because I am usually in a meeting - I could always text back, but not always able to pick up a call.
@intparent OMG, my S is just like your D who grudgingly phones once a week. In my S’s case, I’m pretty sure his girlfriend has been insisting he call home once a week. He’s terrible about returning texts and she saw me get irritated at him a couple times for “not communicating”. Find your D a significant other, they can be helpful…
My D texts or calls every day and sometimes it can be too much. It’s almost as if she uses our communication to help with her mental checklist. “Okay, today I did x,y,z…tomorrow I will…,etc.”. Occasionally, I just want to say, “I don’t need to know everything, D” but so far I’ve just stayed quiet…
@SyrAlum, D1 also calls to go over her to-do list, especially when she’s very busy. Yes, it can be a bit dull. It’s clear it helps her to verbalize her list, so like you I listen.
I hear from her several times a week, sometimes multiple times a day, but not every day.
I hardly ever called home after I left and saw my parents every few months. As for my kids, I hear from them both everyday just about, usually FB Messenger-him, texts-her. I call them probably too much usually if I’m stuck in traffic, but I like to hear from them and we have lots of fun sharing stuff that would take forever to type out!
I never wrote while in college either, but when I traveled overseas my junior year I wrote letters and postcards 2x a week.
