<p>Okay, this is getting clearer. If I had said “yes” to the first child, it likely would have been that I would have anticipated the possibility of at least one other as I agree it is not optimal to separate siblings. If as this unfolds, there was a moment in time when I felt I could no longer choose to do the job with the same spirit and/or ability that caused me to say yes in the first place (whether due to health, wish to re-locate, too many kids, etc), I would address it at the time.</p>
<p>I have been both an actual and listed on the legal docs but never activated guardian. It is good to have the parents understand directly that circumstances may change for either party and it is fine to re-assess together. They may have other options emerge that are preferable to them going forward also. I always wanted to preserve the relationship that was close enough to be considered for this role with open communication and no assumptions about other perspectives. Good luck.</p>
<p>I would ONLY become a guardian if I felt I could meet that obligation until the child was 21 years old. I’m 60 now…I would not become a guardian for a newborn now. When we were looking for guardians for our kiddos, we actually chose people very close to our age so that, if needed, our kids would actually have parent aged guardians. </p>
<p>If I had a terminal illness I would decline.</p>
<p>In the first three years of my life, my grandmother, who was in her sixties and in good health, took care of me while my mother worked full time. She did not have custody, but she spent huge amounts of time with me, and it was a good arrangement. Everyone was happy.</p>
<p>Then my sister was born. My mother went back to work as soon as possible, again leaving my grandmother to do the daytime child care. But this time it did not work out well. Taking care of a 3-year-old and an infant is much more work than taking care of one child, and my grandmother was three years older. It also turned out that my sister had a much livelier temperament than I did, which added to the challenge for my grandmother. As you might imagine, everyone was unhappy.</p>
<p>I imagine that the same thing could happen with someone having full custody of two children. Unless it’s possible to recruit a great deal of help with the actual child care, the situation could be more than a middle-aged or older person could handle. That factor would have to be balanced against the undesirability of separating siblings (although I think that separating siblings is not as undesirable if they have never lived together as it would be if they were accustomed to each other).</p>
<p>For my own grandkids (I don’t have any, BTW)–in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t be asked to be guardian unless things were desperate. For any other children, no.</p>
<p>I agree about 2 being far more work. In my life experience, 2 kids means 3x the work, rather than 2x the work! You make good points Marian, as this mom currently works full time at a demanding job, and the two year old is currently in full time daycare.</p>
<p>Some friends adopted a baby about 25 years ago. They were required to write their wills as part of the process, naming a guardian for the child in the will. The adoption counselor strongly recommended against naming someone of their parents’ generation as guardian. Not only is it harder to take sole responsibility for children when you’re older, but the risk that you might pass away before the child becomes an adult is greater. For children who have already lost one set of parents, losing another caregiver is really devastating.</p>
<p>We took that into account when we wrote our wills and named our very close friends as guardians, as we don’t have any siblings that would be an appropriate choice. We also named our friends as trustees, but it’s not required. You can write a will so that different people have physical custody and financial control.</p>
<p>My cousin and her H–in their 60s–just became guardians for a 15yo. His grandniece, I think. He has no children of his own; together they raised my cousin’s child from a previous marriage–now in her 30s, married w/children. They certainly prayed hard about taking on this responsibility at their age (near retirement), but the girl had no other relatives who could provide a stable environment.</p>
<p>I’m in my late 40s and have 7 kids (23-6). I’d take them on if asked (what’s a couple more? I really do like caring for babies)–especially if it were an emergency/temporary situation. I think it would be better, though, if the parents can’t care for them, to place them for adoption with a younger couple who are really longing for children.
If the children had handicaps or serious behavioral issues, I probably wouldn’t be able to do it.</p>
<p>NEM-I agree that it definitely would be 3x the work, likely over a longer time frame with all the ensuing complexity. It is a very personal decision. I wish you the best with it. I am hoping that you are one of several acceptable choices, because it would make it a little bit easier to figure out how to proceed. However, it always seems hard to find appropriate people to fill those shoes and the fact that you were chosen relatively recently suggests an unlikelihood that there is already a viable alternative. Being true to yourself is probably best for all. Our attorney always views who is named as guardian, power of attorney, etc. as something that could change over time and should be re-evaluated regularly.</p>
<p>There is a younger very stable alternative, but their lifestyle is very different from the parent’s because of extreme differences regarding religious practices.</p>
<p>What timing. I subbed today in the toddler room of a day care. It was exhausting, but I’m only 48 and absolutely would take custody of someone’s newborn/toddler if called upon. I can’t think of a number when I would say I’m definitely too old, but I’m sure there is one.</p>
<p>I am assuming you are at an age when assuming the care of an infant and a toddler would be a hardship and a significant impact on the rest of your life (as it would for me).</p>
<p>I hope this answer does not sound melodramatic, but for me, it is the way I would make the decision. </p>
<p>If these are children for whom I would give my life, I would readily agree to do it, if it was needed. If not, I would say no. I would give my life for my grandchildren. </p>
<p>Because, in essence, you would be giving up your life.</p>
<p>To me, the commitment isn’t really to the child - it’s to the parent. I am the guardian for my niece because it’s my commitment to my sister - she could have 12 more kids and I’d do whatever I needed, at any age, to care for them because that’s what I owe her.</p>
<p>Well said, Pizzagirl. If I was of an age for any of my sibs to still have underage kids, I might give the same answer you just did. I suspect I’m quite a bit older than you.</p>
when we asked others to be guardians and when we accepted the same reponsiblilty, it was always with the acknowledgment that the designated guardians were going to make the best decision for the child (children): we would be physical guardians unless we deemed it to be in the best interest of the children to seek other arrangements.
<p>kids are grown now- but we had no sibs to name so we named a cousin couple on each side listed first and alternate - they were similar to us and it would keep the kids in the family culture. we actually never asked them- just never felt the need to- now the kids are grown- we figured if it ever happened we were gone they would feel honored or at least pass on the duty to the next one. i would have felt honored if they named us.</p>
<p>Skyhook put it very well. It is always true to some degree, but even more so if you are not adding youngsters to an already child focused household.
We are currently not the physical custody guardian to very young children, but we are to be financial advisors as well as represent the parents’ point of views on many child rearing issues (including religion) if they are not in the picture. All recognize that this will be primarily in the hands of the custody couple, but that over time broader viewpoints can work their way in and the custody couple know that the parents would want our input sought out if indicated.</p>