OP doesn’t need to know if her son is in the top, near the top, top adjacent, etc.
She can take her cue from him- if he’s doing well and has time for other things he cares about- and gets exercise and sleep- then he’s where he needs to be right now. If he’s bored and finishes his homework in five minutes- he needs more challenge. If he’s stressed and had to give up playing the drums with his buddies because he doesn’t have time for hobbies right now, then worrying about MORE stress is not the direction to go in!
The Jesuit HS’s in my neck of the woods send kids to places as varied as Fairfield, Rutgers, Marist, Providence, Stonehill, Haverford, U Delaware, Binghamton, Cornell, BC, Georgetown, American, Holy Cross and a bunch of state U’s further afield. (but mostly clustered in the Northeast/Mid-Atlantic). The angst I observe is over finances- especially in families with many kids who are in private school. But the schools themselves seem to do a fantastic job cutting down the “angst” over prestige, who is getting in where, who needs more AP’s, etc.
A friend of mine whose kids went through the parochial school system claims it’s because their college counselors ratchet down expectations- so mom and dad want the kid at Notre Dame or Georgetown. The kids profile suggests Providence or Dayton… and voila, a month later, kid’s “first choice” is Providence, kid gets into Providence, everyone is thrilled. She thinks this stinks. I think it’s brilliant! If a kid wants U Penn, but in the history of the HS no kid with his profile was admitted to Penn, isn’t it genius to introduce the kid to the wonders of American or BU?