I hope my children will be National Merit Finalists, but in any event my jr. son is currently eligible for free tuition at several good schools and I expect my sophomore daughter will be, too. I’ve told them if they choose a free-tuition or free-ride offer I tend to be very generous with them in terms of a newer car, plenty of clothes, spending money, ect.
I have 2 Ds that have been NMF, so their choices have ranged from full ride to full pay and everything in between. We had set a budget up to full pay at state public including room and board. Everything over that amount they are responsible for either thru scholarships, work or loans. So far, the oldest D took a full tuition offer so we are paying room and board and probably will buy her a car as a graduation present. The youngest is trying to make the decision now. She does have one full ride that she is considering. If she decides to take it, she will walk away with a pile of money. My kids have equal capabilities and we believe what you give to one, you need to give to the other.
Frankly, we did not discuss the money at all. It was assumed that D. will apply only to schools that we knew from our prior research will offer large Merit awards. This research took me long 2 years. If we were aware that the school would not offer any Merit scholarship, then she did not apply there at all. It was simple. D. was accepted to all colleges on her list and all offered some amount in Merit scholarships. Since her colleges were organized in priority sequence based on her personal criteria, when it was time to decide which to attend, she simply went down the list. The number 1 (private) offered almost full tuition, but did not meet D’s criteria #1, so the easy pick was #2 on her list. It was in-state public that met all the criteria for choosing and more and also offered full tuition Merit award. Several years after graduation, she is saying that she would have picked the same place for herself all over again. It was close to perfect match. Merit offers are good indication of a good match between student and college. Adcoms know what kind of students will do well at their place and award Merits accordingly. Follow the money!
Good strategy. An easy way to filter out non-merit schools is on the Kiplingers website, and it takes two minutes.
Here is a list of non-merit schools (3% or less non-need aid). If you are looking for merit aid, avoid these schools.
Amherst College, Amherst
Barnard College, New York
Baruch College of the City University of New York, New York
Bates College, Lewiston
Berea College, Berea
Boston College, Chestnut Hill
Brown University, Providence
California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
Colby College, Waterville
Colgate University, Hamilton
Columbia University, New York
Connecticut College, New London
Cornell University, Ithaca
Dartmouth College, Hanover
Franklin & Marshall College, Lancaster
Georgetown University, Washington
Georgia College & State University, Milledgeville
Hamilton College, Clinton
Harvard University, Cambridge
Haverford College, Haverford
James Madison University, Harrisonburg
Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore
Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge
Middlebury College, Middlebury
Pitzer College, Claremont
Pomona College, Claremont
Princeton University, Princeton
Reed College, Portland
Skidmore College, Saratoga Springs
Spelman College, Atlanta
Stanford University, Stanford
State University of New York at New Paltz, New Paltz
Swarthmore College, Swarthmore
Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula
Tufts University, Medford
University at Buffalo, the State University of New York, Buffalo
University of North Carolina Wilmington, Wilmington
University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia
University of Texas at Austin, Austin
Vassar College, Poughkeepsie
Wellesley College, Wellesley
Wesleyan University, Middletown
West Chester University of Pennsylvania, West Chester
Western Washington University, Bellingham
Williams College, Williamstown
Yale University, New Haven
Indeed. Too many people chase the prestige, and end up throwing away money for nothing.
While you don’t have to give each child the same exact funding, I think it’s important that you do set the same rules/parameters for each. The plan you’ve got sounds great to me. Not everyone agrees with refunding the saved money to the kid, but I held out a bottom-of-the-line car to mine if they came in enough under budget. Even so, thanks to a renewable outside scholarship, I will spend far less on the youngest. Don’t feel the need the make up the difference as she’ll get an education and some wheels, same as her sibling.
[quoteI am leaning towards saying something along the lines of “We have budgeted enough money to pay for 4 years at College C for each of you. If you choose a less expensive college, you will get 50% of any leftover money when you graduate. If you choose a more expensive college (or it takes you longer than 4 years to graduate), you will need to cover 50% of any additional cost through loans, etc. and we will find a way to pay for the other 50% of that additional cost.”
[/quote]
Unless you actually have all of this money sitting in the bank, or in something like Tbills, you cannot make this promise.
People lose jobs, develop life-altering illnesses, die, the market crashes, and so on.
I always cringe when I read about people offering to buy a car if the kid chooses a lesser school. Not the kind of priority I’d want to set. Incenting mediocrity?
No, more money does not mean a better school, depending on the circumstances, but still…
We are dangling money because we are trying to teach the concept of value to them. If they take the Toyota education vs Mercedes, they will end up at the same spot but under one path they will have money in their pocket. At least for my kids it makes more of an impression if the money is in their pockets vs my pocket.
We told DS (an only child) that if he chose a school that was a good fit for him that awarded part or full tuition, any leftover funds we had saved toward his college education could be used towards grad school, a retirement fund, or a downpayment on a house (i.e. nothing frivolous). He thought that was a good plan. Fortunately, he received enough merit aid that he had good choices even within those parameters.
So, cheaper means “lesser” and mediocre? Hmmm. Good to know.
Congrats to OP on being in a position to afford several good options for all of your children. That usually takes a lot of luck, and hard work, to get there. For your family situation, it sounds like your plan makes a lot of sense, and you are doing the right thing by requiring that your kids consider the dollars involved before they make their decisions.
For need-based families, the whole idea of setting a “precedent” for equal dollars for all the kids just does not fly.
Suppose that the need-based aid that the oldest child gets is based on a family of six. By the time the last child gets to choose a school, depending on how far apart they are, he may be qualifying for aid based on a family of 3. Even if the family income has not changed materially, the aid they would get would likely be thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars less. Is it fair or right for the parents to pay the full amount for the oldest, then make the youngest take lots of loans?
Further, suppose the family had grandparents who provided say $60,000 total intended towards their grandkids education - but they were smart enough to give it to the parents instead of directly to each kid - this means more aid for all the kids as parent assets are taken at a lower rate than child assets. Should each kid get $10K, even if the oldest only has to pay $4K, and the youngest might end up needing to pay $25K?
As others have suggested, what happens if there is a change in employment somewhere along the way? Or other significant financial event?
Particularly in need based families, all of the kids will consider the financial impact on the whole family at every decision point - it is not just an expectation, but a reality.
Parents generally want to do the best they can for their kids. @happy1, thank you for stating “Being fair doesn’t mean doing the same thing for each child, it means doing the right thing for each child.” It reminds me of the beatitude my late father was fond of - “Blessed are the parents who are able to meet their children’s needs, until their children are able to meet their own.”
Not so sure consolation. If a kid is comparing the in-state to an academically equivalent OOS, and really just wants the OOS for non-academic and/or non-fit reasons (e.g. it is just not in my home state), offering a car can just sweeten the deal.
We did not offer x dollars, as the amount we would pay would depend on the options available. My kids knew that a private college was out of the question without merit money. They knew that in-state meant no loans and that an OOS public had to offer something different or better (other than location) then the equivalent in-state school. I am worried enough about the future and retirement that any money saved from a cheaper college is ours (no grandparent money in the college accounts). I hope to have enough to help them out in the future, but once college is paid for, most of my financial support is over (although they are welcome to live at home for free and we have kept them on health insurance for a while, paid for family vacations and offered some other help).
we have not saved anywhere near enough money for our 4 kids. we had no idea college was so expensive. My husband has come up with some sort of plan saying we will pay for room and board, and half of tuition based on our state’s flagship. (not a top-tier type; but good). Even with that, we will need to borrow money at some point.
My thoughts are that the kids dont need to know what we pay for the others; and it doesnt all need to be the same, but each situation is based on the kid. (1 of the 4 will have a harder time gaining scholarships.) We are trying to encourage all the kids that any scholarship, any job and any financial help will benefit our family as a whole.
We are midwest; and thankfully, prestige doesnt play much into the factor of decisions here. I guess my point is that i cant help with your decisions; but i know it doesnt need to always be the same.
bgbg: When the time comses, also look at the Net Price Calculators at privates. You may (or may not) be surprised at what your kids might get. And merit money at some privates may help. But nothing wrong with going to the state flagship. There will typically be plenty of smart, but not well-off, students there.
I promise each child $10,000 a year for 4 years because that’s what I have saved. At the time I put the money aside I thought that would cover the tuition at a CUNY or SUNY school. Now we live in Georgia and they have the Hope Scholarship which allow the $10,000 to cover some of the room and board as well. That was the plan until we got a letter in the mail from Veteran Affairs telling us my daughters qualified for the Fry Scholarship which would cover full cost of instate tuition and room and board. My oldest daughter is going to Georgia State University so with Hope and the Fry Scholarship I won’t have to pay anything for her. I’m plan to roll the money over to my younger daughter just in case she wants to go to an out of state school. Right now her heart is set on Georgia Tech but she is only in 9th grade and things could change.
We don’t have the ability to pay our EFC without taking on risky insane debt for our income and age.
We’ve tried to “make it work” for both of our kids and they are taking very different paths. Older one worked, lived at home, and did two years at community college before transferring to our state flagship. Younger one will be “forced” to take one of the big merit packages being offered to her. She might balk that we are chipping in X for the older one to attend the state flagship, but we need to proceed with the cards we’ve been dealt and maximize $ & opportunities.
It’s not equal, but I think it’s fair. I can’t give them what they want, but I can try to give them what they need.
You have to do what is best for your family and your financial situation and try to give everybody the best outcome. I lean more towards equality because I have seen too many families spend everything on the first child and the second child has very limited options. It does create ill will. I know personally my brother got to chose any school (because he was a boy) and I was limited to 2 local colleges (because I was a girl - I’m dating myself) and I think about that a lot now that I am going thru this process with my own children. Fortunately, we have enough to have give equally with limits.
Some people price colleges like Veblen goods. It is how we end up with small LAC’s that less than 5 percent of the population has heard of commanding ridiculous list prices. Swarthmore and Bryn Mawr have much in common with Bottega Venata and Balenciaga in terms of how they market exclusivity and prestige.
I think it’s great to try and be equal with kids but it doesn’t always work because the kids are so different.
D went to private school for specific interest.
S was told state flagship (a good one) or better. So if he got into a top school that was SIGNIFICANTLY better at what he wanted to study–we would swing it.
But we were upfront–the flagship option came with perks–no hassles about doing study abroad, trips with clubs etc., and probably some money for graduate school if he desired.
In your scenario–the flagship was college C.
There were some free rides at colleges offered but not accepted because they weren’t as great academically. We could afford it so turned it down. Those would be your college A.
Also turned down was scholarship at what might be your definition of college D–maybe better fit but not enough to make it worth the price difference (even with hefty scholarship).
We are still grappling with what we could afford and what we would like to spend. A sky’s the limit approach would leave little left over for a secure retirement. A state U or equivalent budget would be too limiting, particularly for one kid who is less likely to flourish in a large environment. So we are trying to define that middle ground, which means chasing merit. Happily, we have learned that a LAC experience is possible and affordable if one looks to the Midwest.
Unfortunately, when we first started this process we made the mistake of visiting high prestige schools that offer need-based aid only and we hadn’t run the numbers first. Lesson learned. While it was useful in figuring out what qualities our child wanted in a school, it also raised unrealistic expectations. Happily, she is a sensible child and was willing to revise them.
In our case choosing a small LAC was part of a good fit, not because of prestige (DS didn’t even apply to the top ranked ones) but because we felt he needed small, discussion-based classes with professors who were focused on teaching undergraduates. So I think it is a mistake to frame the choice of a LAC as either a question of false prestige or unaffordable pricing. But it is absolutely true that the top ranked ones offer need-based, but not merit aid. So like @mamaedefamilia we looked for (and found) affordable ones in the midwest. Bottom line: Different kids have different personalities, interests, and needs. As parents you just do the best you can to find a good fit that (hopefully) doesn’t require massive student load debt.