I think you’ve answered your own question - the only way you can “pay them back” is by making the most of the opportunities you’ve been given. You moving beyond your bad prior decisions and growing into a successful adult is all the reward they want. But it sounds like maybe you would prefer not to have that pressure, which I totally understand. Do you feel if you went to a cheaper college you wouldn’t have to work as hard or have the pressure to succeed? I think you need to back out of internal discussion on what you “owe your parents” and think through why you are going to college in the first place. Your parents want you to have opportunities to grow and thrive but unless you are really ready for them you won’t really be getting the experience they want for you. Make sure you’re not going off to school because you can’t think of anything else to do. This is the beginning of adulthood - it’s time for you to take the wheel. If you take your education seriously and make deliberate decisions based on your own goals, even if you decide not to go to Purdue or even to go to college next year, you and your parents will end up far happier with your experience.