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<p>I read 3 sentences…that should be worth at least a medal…</p>
<p>Great article, I think I will be giving fewer “choices” to my three year old, that’s a relief. Not so much for the 17 year old…
Performers mom, I hear ya and totally agree!<br>
@ PNW “because I love you more than their parents love them” made me laugh out loud! That is EXACTLY the line I eventually resorted to long ago after one of D’s kindergarten friends kept calling her a baby because I made her ride in a booster seat (this was before boosters were the law). I explained about safety, how different parents had different rules *ad nauseum *but the little brat (other girl, not mine) kept on with the snarky name calling. I finally said to my D in private “I make you ride in a car seat because I love you more than Sarah’s mommy loves her.” Awful, terrible, regrettable, but there it is. Luckily Sarah’s mom already didn’t like me and it was only a K program, because once D repeated the statement to little Sarah, my reputation was toast. I still stand by that statement, though. Safety is much more important than being liked by your kid or others. And Sarah’s mom was a fool, they drove 25 minutes in heavy traffic and Sarah was TINY and allowed to ride without a booster at age 5 and even put the shoulder belt behind her. Not my business, but really a good example of a kid’s “choice” trumping parental good sense.</p>
<p>Thanks for reminding others that Rosemond is not what he claims to be. I also dislike him and especially his dishonesty and lack of integrity.</p>
<p>A vindication after 25 years for me! I always used to argue with other parents that we should not give trophies at the end of the season to everyone. They used to look at me like I was a Neanderthal. My kids always got my honest opinion - good, bad or ugly. Today, I am their best friend.</p>
<p>In generations past, people didn’t have the time to gaze at their navels and wonder if they were unhappy because they were too happy. Now we do.</p>
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<p>According to the article, adult children being best friends with their parents is not a good thing.</p>
<p>As the mother of the by-far-least-coordinated child on the soccer team, may I share that that trophy that everyone got made him very proud? And, here’s the part where I am a bad parent according to the article, I was wildly grateful that all his hard work and heart recieved some recognition, even if his actual contribution to the team was probably a net-negative. </p>
<p>They were six years old, for gods sake. Do we really have to break their hearts when they are so little and tender?</p>
<p>I take issue with the article’s title and much of the authors premise. Is it really a failure to “land in therapy?” We have students stop by the parents forum all the time looking for help and we often recommend therapy as a valid and positive step to take. </p>
<p>This article, along with the vast majority like them, make me think I really should get to work on my soon-to-be bestseller, “Parenting: You’re doing it wrong!”</p>
<p>I agree with you, PMK, especially since my two teenaged sons are in therapy right now, and will be for a long time to come. I am proud of them for knowing they needed help. They are ILL. DH and I were/are good parents.</p>
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<p>I am with you on this one. No matter what a parent does some “expert” will criticize. I tend to ignore them all and focus on my children and their individual needs.</p>
<p>Those trophies were not earned, just bought by the parents and therefore were no different that other things/toys parents bought them and are you telling me that having a great relationship with my sons is a bad thing?</p>
<p>zoblot, I have no opinion on your relationship with your children. My point was that according to the article, you are doing something wrong if your child considers you their best friend.</p>
<p>That’s the idea with these articles, cast the net very wide and hopefully enough guilty parents will turn to the author for redemption. If this author doesn’t have a book out on this topic within the year, I’ll eat my hat.</p>
<p>zoblot, the problem (I believe as the author sees it) is parents who are best friends with their young children. If you raise your kids as a proper parent it is ok for the relationship to evolve into “best friend” when they reach adulthood… so you are OK!! :D</p>
<p>Meh. Most of the kids I see had parents who neglected or abused them quite a bit. Many can’t seem to find anything good about their child, nothing to praise. i have to tell them to say “good job” for breathing, if that’s the only thing he does right. </p>
<p>Disclaimer. I didn’t read the article!</p>
<p>But I WILL say that every time I read one of those way too long threads about how to parent (you know what I’m talking about.), with the usual comments about how if you do this ONE thing wrong, your child will resent you, I have to bite my …typing finger…Let’s see if this turns into one of those.</p>
<p>Okay, i read it. I DO like her mention of the "Good enough parent’, and the idea of goodness of fit. To me that reflects the idea of how a parent child relationship is a dyad, each person influenced by the other.</p>
<p>"One day when I said to him, “Please put your shoes on, we’re going to Trader Joe’s,” he replied matter-of-factly: “What are my other choices?” </p>
<p>How about Trader Joes…with or WITHOUT shoes?</p>
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<p>Could not agree more with these two statements. Why as a society to we have to be so judgmental of anyone in therapy? Why the stigma? I have yet to meet a person out there who couldn’t benefit from therapy, or at least some form of similar accountability process with someone who is professionally trained. </p>
<p>It is not just for the mentally ill; it can be hugely beneficial for anyone who wishes to have more self-awareness. Sometimes that self awareness can only come from someone who is truly objective. In fact, I even have a reaction to people who use the word counseling because in my mind, working with a counselor somehow removes the impetus of learning about one’s self and internalizing to having someone tell you who you are and what you should be doing. While that may be appropriate for some acute situations that are temporary and perhaps dangerous, lasting strides are rarely made if someone makes changes because someone told them what they needed to do to be happy. It’s got to come from within. And that requires work.</p>
<p>This post is brought to you by teriwtt, who just returned from a therapy session</p>
<p>Really, people, let’s work on trying to remove the stigma of asking for help from professionals. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. In fact, when someone tells me they’ve done therapy, I see them as courageous and strong.</p>
<p>My sons are married and in their late twenties. Thanks for your approval!</p>
<p>My daughter ended up in therapy, and it’s completely my fault for coming down with advanced metastatic cancer in her sophomore year and upsetting her. At least we had the wherewithal to realize that she needed someone to talk to about this NOW before it inevitably gets really ugly. I feel so terrible to have landed her in therapy, but she is a psych major so it’s also a type of internship, if you look at it that way. </p>
<p>I agree that no stigmas should be attached to needing a trained person to help you get though the really hard parts of life.</p>
<p>This reminds me of that Tiger Mother book (forgot the exact name, but you all know what I mean), which I finally read just recently and found to be completely entertaining. I’m not sure what all the fuss was about with the public reaction to that book but anyhow, her point, or at least one of them, is that Western parents coddle their children and worry too much that every last thing they do or don’t do will impact on their kids’ happiness. And that this doesn’t result in happier children than Chinese children with insane mothers. But I digress. </p>
<p>what I usually witness is that sometimes love is confused with worry and anxiety (some might say neurosis), that is understandable in today’s climate, but not healthy for the child to grow up with. And it just seems to get worse every year. I thought things were bad when my kids were born (mid 80s to early 90s), especially compared to when I was a kid, but it’s nothing compared to the whole host of anxieties parents have to cope with today. Geez, you can’t win.</p>
<p>If you’ve read the whole piece, which I did a while back, as an Atlantic subscriber, you’ll find that the reference to therapy was not a dig at therapy in the slightest. The author is a therapist. But it is a comment on the sort of free floating disappointment in adult life, after having an amazing, interest filled, fun, celebrated as an individual, childhood. </p>
<p>The transition to adult life can bring these kids to therapy, as working at most jobs and paying bills is not necessarily as fulfilling, and the reason for therapy is dealing with that ennui that comes to some of these kids on reaching adulthood. </p>
<p>tpt shorty, so sorry about your illness. I do think that it is good for folks in general to know that going to therapy is the right thing given hard circumstances. There are many who need it but refuse to go.</p>
<p>great lakes mom; that is what I got out of it also.</p>
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<p>APPLAUSE for teriwtt. And I agree that getting therapy for greater self-awareness or to handle an issue is a sign of strength, not weakness.</p>