<p>Well…when your loved one is like this (not “mature” enough to decide or care about his future career path yet), what can you do?!</p>
<p>Thus, DS took a gap year. (He “grew up” a lot during that year.) He was actually undecided whether he should go this path or the other different path toward the end of his college. The list of schools was actually lesser of the concern than what path he should take for his future at that time. He likely lost some points during the application cycle because of his lack of commitment early on. (He’s good at the standardized test though which makes up some of his deficiency.)</p>
<p>“his statement of purpose is going to be REAL good. I am prepared for the 2 am phone call for us to proofread it on the deadline for application.”</p>
<p>Doesn;t the school have an advising or a writing center to do that? Isn’t that part of what you’re paying for?</p>
<p>Romani, it’s not a matter of not being ready for grad school. Senior year in high school, and senior year in college, or any time of the school year, boys tend to be in the here and now. They’re not worried about what they’re going to be doing after they graduate. They’re worried about getting their homework done that’s due in chronological order.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, in applying for schools, in April, they realize, Oh, hey, I need to apply to grad school, which I’ll be starting in four months, so I guess I’d better get on it. </p>
<p>As for getting recs, one can only tell the prof long in advance to write an LOR. Whether the prof is vigilant and gets right to it is something out of the student’s control. I know son has approached profs for LORs for research programs and been told, Oh, remind me again closer to the deadline. When it’s the eleventh hour and son still hasn’t gotten his rec, despite numerous reminders, he’s still the one who is responsible for that application and can’t wring his hands and say, My guy didn’t write his letter.</p>
<p>I also had occasion to meet a few grad students in the STEM field on the train this summer going to visit son on campus. I asked these young men, from three different areas of the country, why they chose to attend our college for grad school, what professor they were working with, what their area of study would be. Not a one of them could give me a definite answer. They just wanted to come to our school, for whatever reason, and had worked as TAs, but had not started their research or even picked an advisor. Maybe some programs are not as specific as others, or maybe you don’t need to know exactly what you want to do the minute you start your grad program.</p>
<p>It just seems sensible to me that with graduate student applications, students need advice from experts at their universities. However, that didn’t stop me from nagging about grad school applications and then dissertations. I hope I’m still on this board when someone starts the tenure review thread. Fortunately for me, my kids are pretty patient. It’s difficult for me to let go, but most of this idea we parents have any control is probably just an illusion anyway.</p>
<p>montegut, what kind of advanced study is your son interested in?</p>
<p>I know that when my son applied to grad programs, he had many acceptances early in the second semester of his senior year, and all of his acceptances in hand by March. He then had time to visit some of the programs he had been accepted to and was able to decide where to attend.</p>
<p>And I sort of have to go with Romani on this one: by the time students are doing grad school applications, they are not boys any more. They are men. They are adults. And while the path forward may not always be crystal clear, they are the ones that need to trod the path. We can give help (when asked) but it is time for the student to take command of his own life.</p>
<p>I know that DSs apps are due early to mid December and acceptances come out starting in Feb. It seems to be a semi-rolling admission with apps being reviewed as they are completed.</p>
<p>Some people (me) like to research things to death and know all of ones options before making the ‘best’ choice. Other people (DS) look at something, say ‘that’ll work’, and buy/take it. </p>
<p>He has done well enough at school and has good enough credentials to do very well in grad school apps (if he does decent+ on subject GRE). His attitude is “I think I’ll get into one of my top 10 choices” and seems satisfied enough with that. His life and choices. Drives me crazy but that’s my issue :D.</p>
<p>I’ll be following this thread. I’m a current senior and am applying for Master’s programs in an interdisciplinary humanities field. I am generally super organized and don’t really mind the paperwork parts of these processes. Next step, statement of purpose!</p>
<p>I have to admit that I’m surprised to find parents involved in their kid’s grad school search and applications. By that time I think they should be the one’s doing it all.</p>
<p>I definitely took the lead when my S was applying to colleges but had nothing at all to do with his grad school search. He handled his grad school apps entirely on his own and it was a relief to have no involvement. </p>
<p>He’s now starting year 3 in a STEM field, and yes the different schools and programs are entirely different in how they run. When my H was applying to grad schools, in a different STEM field, he applied to specific professors and they made the acceptance decisions. In my son’s field, he applied to the department (not a specific professor) and students rotated among the different fields before they decided where their interest was. They then found a professor they wanted to work with. Of course he made his decisions on where to apply to based on where professors were doing research he was interested in.</p>
<p>DD starts first ever 40-hour-a-week job tomorrow. Yeah! She hopes to start grad school in a year or two. GREs are complete. I do not plan to do anything other than MAYBE proofread something.</p>
<p>“Such a thing is unheard of in my discipline, where students count themselves VERY fortunate to be admitted to even one, and virtually everyone attend the (only) program that accepts them. I was very surprised to hear of “reaches” in a previous post – I usually think of all graduate programs as reaches for everyone! Perhaps there are some fields where this is not the case.”</p>
<p>In my d’s disciplines, admissions at maybe the top 10-15 schools are in the low single digits. Generally speaking, there are no waiting lists. If they don’t get the students they want this year, they wait til next year, unless they have time-specific need. It is rare to get accepted to more than one (or perhaps two) top 15 programs - the professors all know each other, and talk cross-school about candidates. It’s closer to the NFL draft than it is to undergraduate college admissions.</p>
<p>I am not doing the research on the schools, etc, that I did in undergrad. But son does like to run proofreading by us. I proofread for a living, so he values my eye for grammar, punctuation. And my husband is good at writing in general, so son likes to get his input on content, form. He doesn’t expect us to write his statement of purpose for him. </p>
<p>I AM NOT going to research different grad schools and see what research each professor is doing. THAT IS UP TO HIM!</p>
<p>Just talked to son on the phone and he’s already knee deep in homework and complex labs and projects and presentations, so I know that researching grad schools is not going to be his priority until Christmas break. I only hope he doesn’t miss any deadlines by waiting until then.</p>
<p>I am loving this part of the process! Unlike high school, where I was really involved, my college senior (music) is driving the bus - she has identified programs she’s interested in, and my opinion is a low third, after hers (this is a lifetime position) and her teacher’s. I trust her teacher and am willing to go along with whatever recommendations she gives.</p>
<p>My middle D, now just over a year out of college, is also talking grad school in general terms, but this is totally driven by her interests. Again, I can be supportive and a sounding board, but have no decision making power (and no financial responsibility ) for the outcome.</p>
<p>Wow, I was useless. Son did all his own research and wrote his essays. I did not see anything until after the fact. I did help, along with the CC community, when he got stuck 3x in snowstorms, out of Philly airport. I got excellent advice on how to get from Princeton to SF, going south by train. </p>
<p>what was wonderful was that he would interview over a weekend, and get acceptance within 2 days. After that first interview and acceptance, everything else was gravy.</p>
<p>I rather miss being involved on regular basis, but applying to grad school was totally driven by the worm.</p>
<p>So DS took his subject GREs this morning. Went ‘OK’ per report. Plans to take again in 3 weeks when they are offered. I’m guessing he will be doing some studying between now and then :D. Keeping my mouth shut.</p>
<p>Also told me in passing, after telling me he got a flu shot, that he will likely be on a paper or two with a really VIP as the senior author. </p>
<p>Regarding parental involvement in the process, grad school apps are not really any different than applying for a job. Well, it is a full time plus job for a few years. Some parents will be more involved/interested than others depending on family structure and relations. I don’t see that one size fits all, or that the fact that a parent may be part of the process makes the student any less ‘grown up.’ There are plenty of children, even beyond their 20s, who discuss and value parental advice in decisions about jobs, careers, and even spouses. I did not, but mainly because my parents and I were living in different worlds. If DS were applying for a job, was very busy with school and needed/wanted help with travel arrangements for job interview, I don’t see how that takes away from his independence.</p>
<p>My D is going through this now. Compounded by applying for internships for her last semester of undergrad. I typed her resume for her and proofed her personal statement. Other than that, she is on her own with the mechanics.</p>
<p>I do play the role of listener when she needs to vent, fume, or cry. I’ll be glad when it’s over.</p>
Fortunately for me, my kids are pretty patient. It’s difficult for me to let go, but most of this idea we parents have any control is probably just an illusion anyway.</p>