When I was growing up, my mom tried to control me through guilt and money. I try hard NOT to do that to my kids, but I’m sure I’m not perfect.
I do some things that may seem odd to other people because of my internal “fairness factor.” For example, 2 of our three kids never made enough during the summer to warrant them paying for things like gas to and from work, and we provided them cars and paid related expenses. Youngest son got a pretty good internship which required a terrible commute/long drive. Some people said I should make him pay for gas, car expenses, etc. I felt like that would be punishment for succeeding.
One thing I am struggling with is that 2 of our kids went on expensive trips during college that we paid for. Third has no interest in a trip, but would love to have extra cash or additional IRA funding. I am thinking of throwing some cash his way, mostly as recognition for his overall frugality during school.