<p>Playing Dr Laura for a change.
Yes if I make a lot of more money than my husband, I would hire someone to take care of the household chores and kids if I want to keep this marriage in tact. I would never suggest to my husband to quit his job even if he makes a lot less than I do(hypothetical) because a job is where a man derives a lot of self-esteem from. I actually do know of a wife who is very succesful and did the above while her husband has been unemployed for years. Without a job, his self-esteem has been plummeted since he lost his job that he started to pick fights with her and that took away the energy that she could devote to her job which she loves.</p>
<p>I meant I know more cases( than not), where people are taken advantage. </p>
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<p>Nobody sets out to marry the opposite or exact. There are some things that my husband and I are identical, perhaps because we share the higher education value in the same field.</p>
<p>This thread is still going? Couldn’t I choose to say to my S…if you want to marry someone make sure that they will always work and will certainly contribute as much to the household income as you do…otherwise, you are taking on quite a financial burden…where does this sort of thing stop?</p>
<p>“That’s a strawman. There’s a lot to be said for the wisdom of not marrying up or down. The US is a place where a lot of people like to break wisdom but the costs are something that usually show up way down the road.”</p>
<p>Oh, come off it. Look at many of the people – particularly those with immigrant parents – who are looking to go Ivy-or-similar. Sure, they want solid, well-paying jobs. But they’re also looking to raise themselves up a social class by being exposed to a cohort of intelligent young people who will also (for the most part) do well financially.
Are you suggesting that the Questbridge recipient who gets to Harvard shouldn’t bother dating anyone unless that person is also low income as well? And the well-to-do prep school preppies there shouldn’t date “below” their status?</p>
<p>“Nobody sets out to marry the opposite or exact. There are some things that my husband and I are identical, perhaps because we share the higher education value in the same field.”</p>
<p>The VALUE of higher education could be SHARED by the trust-fund preppie who has no debt who marries the person from a lower socioeconomic background who also valued education but had to incur debt to do so.</p>
<p>“I stated my personal choice. I would not marry somebody who makes 10 times what I would make either. I would be in an unbalance union and I don’t want to be the one that has to kowtow to that person. I generally don’t kowtow to anyone period.”</p>
<p>So what would you do? Not be the social worker and go into business so you could make $250K too? Or insist that your successful-business-husband not make what he does? How precisely do you do that?</p>
<p>I was the sole support for the first years of our marriage during which I had a job and dh was a resident making a pittance (though we had no debt; his med school was paid for by his parents). Then once he got into practice, his income soared above where I could ever be. It doesn’t MATTER, though, since it’s a PARTNERSHIP.</p>
<p>I don’t dispute. I was just stating it was not intentional that one wasn’t set out to marry the exact opposite or exact similar as you suggest in one of your posts.</p>
<p>Ugh, no. Most immigrant parents(especially those high pressure Asian parents) would want their Harvard graduate kids to make a lot of money, buy the biggest house on the block, then marry someone back home to keep their blood line pure. With all that money they’ll be making, they won’t need anyone else to help them move up a social class.</p>
<p>Personal choice. I’m not sure I would be the type that would be the sole supporter of my husband. I stayed away from people with lucrative degrees, while I have friends who would be glad to have the opportunity to marry one, and many did. When their marriages dissolved and I’m still married to my first husband, then I know I made the right choice for me. Again personal choice. Know your limits. There is no one size fits all.</p>
<p>“Are you suggesting that the Questbridge recipient who gets to Harvard shouldn’t bother dating anyone unless that person is also low income as well? And the well-to-do prep school preppies there shouldn’t date “below” their status?”</p>
<p>I did not read this clearly. But I think you knew of his income potential as an MD. So it’s delayed earning more than unbalance in income potential. I think it’s not the same analogy as the $250K and $25K example given earlier.</p>
<p>When we were dating, I was making significantly more than H, though he had decades more seniority at his job. I also had great earning potential. Neither of us had ed debt–he worked his way thru college & I got merit scholarships all the way thru.</p>
<p>Shortly after we married, we started our family & chose to have me earn close to nothing while I raised our kids. Neither H nor I had any problems with him bringing home nearly all the money for our household. As the kids got older, I took on part-time work which is significantly lower than it “could be” by my training and experience. I have just formed a new non-profit that is earning even less but hubby & I are happy & do not see the imbalance in our earning as a problem and we have a good quality of life.</p>
<p>Our kids have not suffered by our imbalance and we have not given them any “rules” about choices in partners or dates. So far they seem pretty conservative financially. It is true that differences in income CAN affect the balance of power in a relationship but in most of the successful relationships I know of, the earning differential has never been an issue.</p>
<p>We will see whether loans and earning disparities play a part in our kids’ dating and choices down the road.</p>
<p>Someone has to support the composers and artists and sculptors of the world; ditto the SAHM, SAHD, and so on. I guess Columbia_Student isn’t among that number.</p>
<p>To each her own, but wow, I cannot imagine carrying around such prejudice, much less putting it into practice!!</p>
<p>“Are you suggesting that the Questbridge recipient who gets to Harvard shouldn’t bother dating anyone unless that person is also low income as well? And the well-to-do prep school preppies there shouldn’t date “below” their status?”</p>
<p>“That’s another strawman.”</p>
<p>Why is it a strawman? If it’s important to date someone who has a similar economic family background, then that tells me that the poor kid who winds up at Harvard better just date another poor kid, and the rich kid at Harvard better just date another rich kid. If you feel otherwise, that it’s ok for the poor kid with loans to date / marry the rich kid with no loans even though their situations are unequal, well, then say so!</p>
<p>“I did not read this clearly. But I think you knew of his income potential as an MD. So it’s delayed earning more than unbalance in income potential. I think it’s not the same analogy as the $250K and $25K example given earlier.”</p>
<p>It’s still unbalanced, since he has more income potential than I do just given the nature of what each of us do for a living. I made more at the very beginning and then he caught up and surpassed many times over.</p>
<p>“If it’s important to date someone who has a similar economic family background, then that tells me that the poor kid who winds up at Harvard better just date another poor kid, and the rich kid at Harvard better just date another rich kid. If you feel otherwise, that it’s ok for the poor kid with loans to date / marry the rich kid with no loans even though their situations are unequal, well, then say so!”</p>
<p>There’s a difference between dating and marriage.</p>
<p>“It’s still unbalanced, since he has more income potential than I do just given the nature of what each of us do for a living. I made more at the very beginning and then he caught up and surpassed many times over.”</p>
<p>What do you do in a declining income situation when you have a ton of debt?</p>
The artists in my family always have a day job. Some of them don’t have spousal support so they have to work to eat because some have a lot of children.
And also know of people who died of a heart attack while working long hours to support their spouses. Why can’t they have a nice 9-5 jobs so they too can enjoy their life?</p>
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What prejudice do I carry? I was stating what would be my choice. We all have choices in life just like picking a college: LACs, Universities, TTT, Ivy league.</p>
