<p>I will never be a hoarder. All that clutter makes me feel slightly unsettled. And DH is a real neat nic and king of throwing things away. He once threw away my W2 form. Luckily I found it in the trash. Every few months he would nag me about taking books to 1/2 Price Books to get them out of the house. Finally, he bought me a Kindle, which has pretty much eliminated the book problem, though I still do have a cabinet of my favorite hard backs.</p>
<p>I think the only thing which would cause my DH to leave me high and dry would be if I became a hoarder. :eek: He just couldn’t deal with that.</p>
<p>My dad is a “pitch it” guy. My mom is a “keep at all costs” lady. I’m told that was a total conflict one time when they first got married. He saw a stack of papers on the table and threw them away. Unknown to him was there was an envelope with a large amount of cash inside… he is a lot more careful about what he pitches now… </p>
<p>He is getting ready to retire in about a month and he says one of the first things he plans to do his get a dumpster and clean off the carport… I’m ready to help him do it!</p>
<p>I used to keep a lot more stuff until my grandmother died and we had to get rid of so many things. I decided then that you can’t take it with you so might as well let others enjoy it if you aren’t using it.</p>
<p>Somehow, this wouldn’t concern me. As long as the house is still livable, and they continue to add on additional storage space as needed, what’s the problem? They’d rather go to auctions and yard sales than to Disneyland or on a cruise - and scoring a good bargain probably gives them as much pleasure as winning the lottery. They can (I’m guessing) afford it and they have ample storage space - so what’s the harm? It’s not how must of us would choose to spend our leisure time, but if they enjoy it, why not?</p>
<p>It’s different, I think, when the stuff takes over the living space. In the case of greenbutton’s in-laws, when they’re gone, the stuff just gets tossed. It might take several moving vans to clear it all out . . . but I’d think there’s something to be said for knowing that each item you remove is something that gave them great pleasure, even if only for the moment they were buying it.</p>
<p>If, in the meantime, the acquisitions start to take over the house, you just gently suggest they add another outbuilding.</p>
<p>If you actually use the stuff you keep…that is one thing. When you apstart to spa cumulate things for the sake of accumulating…or because you “might” have a need for it in the future…I think that’s an issue. </p>
<p>I get rid of stuff. I have plenty that I keep…but I toss a lot or donate too. Every year, MY old paper backs and other books go to the library sale. Clothes and housewares go to a charity thrift store or Goodwill. Things that are worn out get put in the trash.</p>
<p>I do NOT keep books I have already read…that is what libraries are for! </p>
<p>My mom had 12 sets of dishes, and about that many sets of varying kinds of flatware. No one (including us) wants any of it…although we are using a set of white Royal Doulton as out everyday dishes. Very nice!</p>
<p>Honestly…she also had two punch bowls, and tons of linens. She lived in a 2 1/2 room apartment…you get the picture. She was a hoarder…most of this “stuff” was accumulated after I graduated from college. I have no idea why.</p>
<p>Another family member has HUNDREDS of paperback mystery books. They have been moved from place to place. She will NOT loan them to anyone as they might get lost! Newspaper articles cut out all over the house too. It’s a safety hazard.</p>
<p>This thread is making me think it’s time for another dumpster!</p>
<p>ETA…when your loved one dies…look in EVERY container. We found a diamond pendant in a small cheap plastic coinpurse that was with the copies of bills. We had no idea this loved one even HAD a diamond pendent. We were just lucky it didn’t get tossed!</p>
<p>Yesterday my son and I had to clear part of the garage to get his car in for the summer.
I was debating about an old rug I had that was taking up room. My son says “Let me help you with that!” And dumped it in the trash can. Now that’s help!</p>
<p>Dodgersmom, that’s what I wanted to believe, too. But they own 6 full size tractors, then bought threshers and discs. They have a broken carosel horse, 13 pedal cars and 6 hobby horses all hanging from the outbuilding ceiling. They buy potatos in 100 lb bags which are left in the garage to rot. They can’t get in the laundry room to unload the washer, you have to move stuff to reach it. The doors and skylights are broken and don’t close/leak , so the raccoons roaming the yard are bound to get in at some point. (They leave leftover food on the deck to feed them) They own 4 gazebos that are full of gardening implements, blowers, pots, etc…and they don’t have a garden. We have started staying in a hotel since there’s no room for us in their 4 bedroom house. This is a 2-3 acre wooded lot in a suburban town. </p>
<p>Someday, we will be responsible for dealing with all this. Another building is hardly an option at this point. They are buying things simply to buy things – it doesn’t really matter what. Some of the pedal cars they got from other people’s trash. Last Christmas they bought 85 packages of expired cookies and tried to give them away as gifts. Sigh. I do jams/jellies in the summer so they bought me Mason jars at an auction ---- 150 of them.</p>
<p>DH is a hoarder. Our basement is wall-to-wall of his stuff, mostly junk. 2200 sq ft. I refuse to allow it to take over the upstairs even though he looks longingly at the “empty” rooms. </p>
<p>He refuses to acknowledge he has a problem. He thinks we can go from this house to a condo, but I’m only going if his stuff isn’t going too. When we put an addition on our home, I designed it for us to be able to live on the main floor if needed. Then we can go directly from this home to assisted living, but I’m not sure he can be parted from his stuff. Unfortunately, FIL and aunt also hoard…both still alive.</p>
<p>The dentkids are NOT hoarders. They see a problem and are determinedly breaking the cycle.</p>
<p>^^ I watched the “hoarders” program on LIFE tv channel yesterday. Boy, I cannot believe how many hoarders in the USA(3 Million) and how could a hoarder got out of hand like those in the program. It is sick in the head for the most part.</p>
<p>artloversplus: we watch that show. One had a mom who filled her house, her son’s basement, a storage unit, and now had a warehouse. She collected stuff, and even took it back out of her trash. My kids: that’s just like Dad! He was very angry to hear that because he “has no problem”. I seriously say that if he dies first, the dumpsters will start the next day until it is all gone.</p>
<p>I don’t understand what happened in his childhood to make him think he has to keep everything. He can get rid of junk mail and the daily newspapers, but only if I physically remove it.</p>
<p>My grandmothers lived through the Depression and WW ll and it had a huge impact. Any presents we gave them were carefully put away and “saved for later”. Now if I buy something or receive a gift, I make sure to use it the next day. They couldn’t get enough coffee due to wartime rationing. One grandmother’s cellar was filled with coffee when she passed away. Maybe that’s the story for the lime jello?</p>
I have a friend who bought a house from a borderline hoarder who was an old guy. He got a good deal because he agreed to clean it out.</p>
<p>I believe what happens for many is that they get it stuck in their mind that they need something, and then they forget they bought it, so every time they go to the store they think “I need this” even though they have twenty of them.</p>
<p>That’s how my friend wound up with 20 brand new mops, and about 100 cans of tomatoes.</p>
<p>I have my own metric for hoarding. It’s not that sympathetic scale you find online … the one where “indoor stuff strewn out onto the lawn” corresponds to Medium Level Hoarding. My metric is more succinct: [a] Do piles of stuff keep you from touching the walls? ** has it been more than a year since you were able to have a meal at the table? [c] does most of the stuff in living areas belong to one family member? </p>
<p>It’s not so much “the stuff” as it is the lack of organization … or rather the lack of accessibility. My Mom was a child of the Depression. She kept every check she every wrote. But you could find the checks for 1958 in under a minute. Oh, and EVERY meal at her house was eaten at the table.</p>
<p>I got a partial glimpse of what hoarding was like when I arrived to help his family wrap up his late mother’s affairs a few years back. Keep in mind that when I arrived two weeks after the family & other friends started the cleanup process, it was still so bad that most of the rooms on one floor was still completely filled up and the rest of the house still required one to maneuver carefully to get around. </p>
<p>While I am a clutterer myself with computers/computer parts and books…they are all limited to my bedroom and bedroom closet while the rest of my co-op is organized and presentable. </p>
<p>Computers…they are like adult toys I use to tinker/experiment with before I receive/find improved models. A reason why I’ve been selling off/giving away computers for the last decade to keep them at a manageable number. </p>
<p>As for keeping books, I do so partially because I was raised in a family which kept libraries of books due to intellectual scholarly interest and because to them…it was a sign of education/serious love of learning. </p>
<p>I have sometimes sold off books I didn’t care for or ones outside my main fields of interest a friend needed more for academic work. A practice most of that side of the family would find a bit sacrilegious. In the latter case, they’d rather do long-term loans with a mind to have the book(s) returned at a definite later point in time. :D</p>
<p>The only books I want to own now are cookbooks and art books. And, if I played music, I’d want music books.</p>
<p>Unfortunately DH believes that he should keep every book he’s ever read. We have entire bookshelves devoted to books he read for his Masters degree in English literature in 1975 that he hasn’t touched since – except when we moved.</p>
<p>If he goes first, they are all going to the library for the semi-annual book sale.</p>
<p>I’ve kept books I used during undergrad for courses related directly to my major(history), minors(Politics/East Asian Studies), and subjects I was interested in(i.e. Computer Science, Geology, Statistics). However, the vast majority of my books(mostly academic/scholarly stuff) came from book giveaways, gifts from friends/family, and purchase outside/after college. </p>
<p>I fully understand your DH mentality as that’s one common among folks who have a serious personal investment in their university education. This comes across clearly with my scholarly side of the family or homes of Profs and more academically inclined teachers.</p>
<p>I call myself a jr hoarder. It started when I lost my little one, I didn’t mean to end up like this but you’re right it is about loss. I don’t agree with your characterization of people like me. U call us sick, and act like its a conscious choice. Unfortunately it’s not a choice. I was completely fine til the mc then I turned out like many of my realatives. Gone to counseling it didn’t help. I also have a 1940s feeling like there won’t be enough in the future. And a combo of couponing habit. The perfect jr hoarding storm. I wish someone had a simple solution. I give away, clean, nothing helps.</p>