Update: I got elected to be Recruitment Chair for my frat in Spring 2025, but my classes are harder now and I think my GPA will take a hit. I’m not too sure about transferring because I don’t want to start a research and a leadership position and just leave it.
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I thought your parents were forcing you. You never wanted to.
Congrats on the leadership role.
Exactly. I’m just trying to build a basis on why I don’t want to transfer. If I have a good reason, then they won’t make me transfer.
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You had good reasons b4 - not to mention the career data I showed you shows you are in a better place.
Update: My counselor suggested some transfer colleges. I would like to know if transferring to these colleges will truly give me a better chance of an internship. I really need a good reason on why I don’t want to transfer.
Reach
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Texas A&M University (College Station, TX)
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San Diego State University (San Diego, CA)
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University of San Francisco (San Francisco, CA)
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University of Georgia (Athens, GA)
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Florida State University (Tallahassee, FL)
Target
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New Jersey Institute of Technology (Newark, NJ)
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Washington State University (Pullman, WA)
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Georgia State University (Atlanta, GA)
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Brooklyn College of CUNY (Brooklyn, NY)
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University of Texas, Dallas (Dallas, TX)
Safety
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University of Houston - Clear Lake (Houston, TX)
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California State University, Los Angeles (Los Angeles, CA)
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Seattle University (Seattle, WA)
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Sonoma State University (Rohnert Park, CA)
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Hunter College (Manhattan, NY)
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I dont see any school on the list giving you a better chance compared to the successful and happy path you are currently on at TCNJ.
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Your parents wanted you to go to Rutgers. Are you open to anywhere ?
I scratch that you are paying for advice to go to Sonoma State - really ? Or Washington State ….over TCNJ.
For CS, with maybe the exception of Texas A&M and UTD, your parents could have you on the transfer path again vs where you are. No, not UGA and FSU - not for CS anyway.
Anyone can get a great career outcome from anywhere.
B4 it was Rutgers - now it’s everywhere.
I don’t understand.
Tell your parents great you’ll apply to Sonoma State and see what they say or even if they know where it is.
It’s an odd list with so many differences. And you are developing as a person at TCNJ.
Frankly the direction of the chat - from Rutgers to everywhere, is perplexing.
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Transfer applications are closed for Fall 2025 at San Diego state and Cal state LA. Sonoma is still open but not known for their CS program. I would not transfer cross country to attend any of the California universities since it does not make sense financially and academically.
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I hate to be harsh, but this is crazy. This counselor isn’t helping anyone by giving you a list like this - except him/herself by getting a paycheck.
The best counseling you’re getting is right here. For goodness sakes, please stay where you are. Don’t budge from that position with your parents.
Stop the insanity. 
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I looked at the lists as got it last night. The colleges aren’t the best with the exception of UT Dallas and Texas A&M. My mom was like: “ I saw someone whose daughter goes to Cornell. They saw me, but I went away from them becuz I didn’t want to talk to them.”
And then she tells me: “ I didn’t want to talk to them because u go to TCNJ. Transfer colleges and then I will have a face in society”
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I get it. Your Mom has a problem.
You don’t.
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I’m so sorry for you. This is your mother’s problem. Please know that you are doing great at a very fine university.
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Yeah - what would she say when she finds out people from the Ivies work for someone from TCNJ.
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How do I say that “Hey, I don’t wanna transfer” without sounding like a spoiled child? My mom has asked me why do people with 4.0’s come to TCNJ and even stay at TCNJ for all 4 years. My response is: “Because they like it here?” and she goes:" They won’t be successful because they are too comfortable at TCNJ." My reason for staying is because:
- I have a 3.4 GPA and in my opinion that is not bad and I’m doing well here academically
- I don’t want to leave my friends who have loved and supported me at TCNJ
- I got a good research opportunity, became the recruitment chair for my frat, and also became a tutor. I don’t see a reason to leave that all behind.
- I applied to become a CA in Fall 2025. If I get the opportunity to become a CA, I get free housing and a stipend
- TCNJ feels like home
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I gave you this b4. It’s not too shabby. The school’s stats more than speak for themselves.
Guess what -it’s a great school. Not everyone wants the large school or big name.
Additionally @DadOfJerseyGirl hires tech workers and he earlier wrote this to you:
The good news is that your college won’t matter for the vast majority of CS/tech jobs. Instead, your coding skills and experience (gained through course projects and/or internships) will be what matter.
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One thought for you- which I learned in therapy but I’m happy to help you save time and money by sharing my trick.
It’s called “kick the can”. It’s not exactly an avoidance technique- because you don’t do it with anything time-sensitive (like handing in a paper, or studying for a final) and you don’t do it with anything involving a long sequence (so you don’t mess up the critical path).
But it will likely work nicely with your parents on this subject.
The next time they bring up transferring, you can say (it’s important to have a really cheerful tone of voice and a big smile) “My advisor says I’m doing great and if I decide to go to grad school, I should be targeting some of the more competitive programs. You can help me by researching what some of those options might look like”.
Great research project for your mom. This is the gift that keeps on giving, because by March you can say “I’m doing REALLY well in my Cyber class (or whatever) and the professor wants to make sure I’m thinking about a Master’s in Cyber Security”. Another research project. By April you can pivot to “My statistics professor thinks I should be exploring a Master’s in CS with a heavy applied math focus, I wonder which schools have really strong programs in that specialty?”
And so on. Keep them busy focusing their “prestige muscle” on grad programs. You can’t apply to any of them anyway- it’s way too early. It keeps them engaged, off your back, and maybe they’d trip over a program which could be interesting for you down the road (i.e. that can I mentioned… ) And you’ll be reminding them that you’re happy and doing well where you are without being confrontational. And if they bug you about transferring, you can remind them “I’m so focused on my future right now- the whole grad school question-- that I don’t even want to get distracted by thinking about transfer applications”.
Keep your tone cheerful. You’ve got this!
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–I think honesty is the best way to go.
–Tell your mom exactly what you told us here.
–Remind her that students do their best when they are happy and comfortable.
–Give her some of the stats you have to prove that TCNJ grads are indeed successful.
–Also, TCNJ is a very cost effective option.
Good luck.
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Try the broken record technique. Just keep repeating over & over, “Hey, I don’t wanna transfer!”
Better still would be, “I’m not going to transfer” to whatever she says.
You could also show her this list of public liberal arts colleges, which puts TCNJ at #2 in the country:
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I might’ve mentioned this, but my 26 year old finance graduate from TCNJ makes $100,000+ a year. ADHD.
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Update: I got into University of Georgia, NJIT, Rutgers-Newark, University of San Francisco, and Washington State University for CS Transfer. Both my parents are so happy that my mom sarcastically says: “Anything is better than your Harvard. If you didn’t get anywhere else, I would make you go to Rutgers-Newark.” Do I just accept my fate and go to University of Georgia? Due to my parents’ attitude, I don’t even know if they’ll let me stay at TCNJ.
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