<p>Several years ago, the NYT had a long article in which it was claimed that hooking up was rampant among suburban teenagers. Anyone who has attended an 8th grade dance must have seen sexually suggestive dances; every year, schools try to curb drinking and sexual shenanigans at the junior and senior prom. I doubt all their graduates even apply to Pomona!</p>
<p>“I would like for my daughter college where she can find easily people with similar moral values, and where casual sex of others will not be right in her face.”</p>
<p>Similar to whom, you or her? SImilar to her at age 17 or her as she evolves and grows to age 20? I’m so sorry to tell you this, but it is my distinct impression that she will not find much of anything “easily” in a top college, but it can all be found with effort. Those who engage in many casual relationships often can’t find loyalty/tenacity/depth/romance/long-slow-courtships “easily” either, but with effort they too can seek it out. Nothing comes easily at this age of young adulthood. Children from dysfunctional families riddled with divorce or promiscuity by parents are struggling just as hard to figure out how to make a first commitment when they meet someone special. It’s hard for them to trust and commit; that’s just as hard as trying retain virginity when many others are giving it up (or did so long ago). On college, none of this is easy for kids, which is why they talk about it so endlessly with each other.</p>
<p>You’d be better advised to focus upon how she might make the best possible personal choices for herself regarding how she handles her sexuality between ages 18-21. She will find poor choices if she goes off to the workplace at age 18, and you don’t want that for her future, either. You want her to get an education. With education comes the right and need to make choices. Choices means exactly that: what others do need not affect her at all. It might also prove to be a negative example for her. Or she might position herself differently from you. Please don’t take someone with those stellar scores and limit her academic options because you are fearful of her ability to negotiate her social environment.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>There is no college where your daughter can’t easily find people with similar moral values (provided her moral values are reasonably within normal ranges, and don’t include things like promoting cannibalism).</p></li>
<li><p>If she wants a college where casual sex of others will never (or seldom) be right in her face, she is probably going to be limited to a very few religious institutions, mainly affiliated with evangelical Protestant denominations, although maybe a few Catholic or Orthodox Jewish schools would qualify. At nonreligious all-women’s colleges, the casual sex of others may be somewhat less noticeable on a daily basis. Other than that, if she wants to go to a “top academic place”, or for that matter a middling academic place, she’s going to have to learn to cope with noticing that others’ morals may differ from hers a bit. So will you.</p></li>
<li><p>If she attends a good-quality private school that is not affiliated with an evangelical Protestant denomination or Orthodox Judaism, it is overwhelmingly likely that she already knows that.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>And I yours. We come from pretty different backgrounds/situations I’m sure, and that’s one of the good things about this site. There is a lot of experience, a lot of VARIED experience, from the posters to draw from.</p>
<p>some fun quotes:
–“More amazing is that what trickles out of this wacky and off the cuff system seems to have its benefits–a reported 1/3 of Saghens …marry each other after college”
–“Reader, it comes down to this: there will come a time when each of us must make the choice between what is right and what is easy. As Mudd 2 Side Hall— along with the rest of Freshman Row—battles its sponcest devils, be aware of what can befall a sponsor group if the wrath of sponcest happens upon it”</p>
<p>that said, reading through that specific publication does make pomona look extremely liberal and sexual, even for a liberal arts college.</p>
<p>Thank you very much everybody for all your help.
I would like also to hear suggestions of colleges to consider: academically strong LAC or small university which are not extremely liberal. Daughter is considering to major in biology.
What do you think about Haverford college?</p>
<p>My take is that Haverford attracts the same type of kids as those who apply to Swarthmore, Pomona, Amherst, etc… S1 did not apply because it felt too small and he was unsure how the cross-registering possibilities would actually work out in practice. He went to Wesleyan–which I do not recommend for your D if she wants to avoid in-your-face sexual behavior. But he got out with his values clarified and his standards unshaken.</p>
<p>JHS: I did not know the term “sexiled” when I was in college eons ago. But the practice was rampant, despite the parietal hours, the door ajar, and the one foot on the floor rules.</p>
<p>My nieces who are LDS both attended Colgate University in NY
It is considered to be a very strong school- is not as “liberal” in out look as some and virtually any school which is strong will have a good bio dept</p>
<p>( My daughter majored in biology at an LAC that is known for having a higher percentage of grads go on to receive their PHd than any other, but conservative it is not ;))</p>
<p>I would look at Uchicago- I don’t have impression, they are very political- ( but I could be wrong)</p>
<p>tikib - could you help us understand what you mean by “extremely liberal”? Are you referring to the perception of prevalent political views of faculty or college community as a whole? Or are you referring to prevalence of sexual activity among unmarried students and/or underage drinking or illegal drug use?</p>
<p>I’m not sure it will be an easy list to compile in any case, but it would make a difference in the type of school I would recommend.</p>
<p>By “extremely liberal” I mean here prevalence of casual hookups.</p>
<p>oh well that will be more difficult
( but I also feel that when you have raised a young person to be confident in themselves and in their choices- that you can trust them to generally make good decisions)</p>
<p>In my experience- colleges seem to have at least part of the student body partaking in either alcohol or pot on a fairly regular basis.( notice I said"part", at some schools that part may be dominant at others unnoticable)</p>
<p>Schools that lean towards conservative & traditional- are more likely to also see alcohol being used more than pot.
( except for schools like BYU with very strict rules- BYU however is very affordable!- * but I don’t know how they get through cramming for finals without coffee*-)</p>
<p>Alcohol of course reduces inhibitions and students using alcohol, may be more likely to engage in casual hookups.
It might even be used as an excuse to do so.</p>
<p>There are many threads that discuss alcohol usage and the varying ways that the university communities deal with it.
However- as I mentioned my nieces who are quite conservative attended Colgate- which has had in the past issues with the amount of partying on and around campus, but that is just one aspect of the school.</p>
<p>While I don’t think either of my kids would want to attend a school where the culture was dominated by alcohol parties, virtually any school does have impulsive behavior by young adults</p>
<p>Also not all casual hookups are one night stands- my H and I have been married for 26 years and been together for 30!
( I didn’t meet him @ college though- but at a street party- we also didn’t have sex the * first* night we met)</p>
<p>tikib- are you a mom or a dad? I’m sure you mean well, but I think you have nothing to worry about. If you have raised a daughter with high self-esteem and personal integrity, she won’t have a problem on any college campus and will find many like-minded peers.
I wouldn’t say she won’t have a relationship, however- but probably not the kind of one-night-stand that seems to worry you. I think you would have seen the behavior before now. Kids don’t become different people, entirely, when they hit their first year of college.</p>
<p>Agree with WashDad. Knowing generally of Pomona’s academic standards for admission and what caliber of kid goes there, I could not believe the poor quality of writing, not to mention the sophomoric way the topic was handled. I feel sorry for Ashley (the author); she’s forever google-linked to this piece of trite. At least when I wrote trite for my college paper, it disappeared onto the bottom of bird cages, never to be seen again. Thank goodness!</p>
<p>Your idea of ‘super liberal’ includes nearly every HS and college in the nation, at least that I’ve heard of.</p>
<p>Here is my list for you of schools where casual hookups are not prominent:
BYU
Yeshiva U.
Bob Jones</p>
<p>Single sex schools just make all relationships casual, as they are very rushed and demand is still there. Army and Navy have that same reputation, they are known for hookups - not real relationships.</p>
<p>If you don’t want your daughter being around casual sex - she isn’t going to college. 18-22 year olds are known for high hormones, implusive decisions, and more fun, put a bunch of them together, and you are in trouble if you expect no sex.</p>
<p>I really think you need to have more confidence in your daughter, less in her current classmates(a HS where casual sex is unheard of? haven’t seen one yet). Your daughter will make her own choices, and hopefully they are good ones, you have to depend on her making good ones. If you can’t do that, then your problems go beyond hookups or college selections.</p>
<p>If your values are religiously-held or -influenced, you could also research which top liberal arts colleges have active social groups of kids with similar interests. You could do this via the internet for now, but then seek out members of those groups during college visits (or email them when school starts back up) and ask questions. For example, if she is an evangelical Christian, there are plenty of top colleges with outstanding and active Christian groups on campus. She could meet students with similar values and make them her peer group for future roommates, pals, etc… Pretty much, all the top colleges have a wide range of values-oriented social groups to choose from.</p>
<p>We are not religious at all and she doesn’t want to consider any religious college with religious courses.</p>
<p>And I have no doubts in my daughter’s good choices and behavior at college. I just want her to be able to find enough people with similar moral values so she will feel more comfortable and not alienated. I know many people like her at University of Washington. It’s just too big university for her.</p>
