Is it April Fools Day?
You could have a 3.75 at directional state U - it’s still a 3.75.
And a top liberal arts school isn’t any better or worse than the others you mentioned. They are different but not better or as you note - worse.
hmmmm - screwed is probably not the word I would use to describe your situation.
I do think you need a reality check on both of your premises - the “horrid” GPA (not) and that the LACs are not “better”. Maybe they’re not better for you - but they’re certainly not worse than the other list you’ve provided.
If you want to transfer - and I’d hope you’d give it more time - but if you want to transfer, then go ahead and try. Whether or not you have the opportunity - the schools will decide.
If you want out so bad, you might add other schools that might be easier admits. Or is only schools at this level you are willing to leave for?
Anyway, congrats on your success but I do think your perspective is a tad off.
Good luck.