<p>Get your dad on this site, and let the parents do the talking. Seriously.</p>
<p>Would it be possible to talk to your school’s pre-med advisor, and then have your dad call the pre-med advisor? If you’ve already done badly in chemistry, it’s unlikely that you’d even get into medical school.</p>
<p>Can you talk to your relative whose the ER doc and ask about his/her level of job satisfaction? I know several physicians who love being doctors, make good money, etc., and have actively discouraged their children from becoming doctors due to managed care, malpractice, etc. They’re very unhappy because they can’t just practice medicine anymore. If your relative is among them, maybe he/she can talk to your dad.</p>
<p>I was in a similar situation many years ago. My mother had always wanted to be a doctor, but couldn’t. Subtly over the years she had convinced me to become a doctor, too. I didn’t want to disappoint her so I went to a college (that she liked more than I did) well-known for its pre-med program. I ended up bombing Organic Chem, passing by the skin of my teeth. Applied to medical school and guess what - didn’t get in. End of arguments. If you don’t want to argue with your father, take Organic. It’s one course out of your career. Or ask him if he’ll pay for you to take it over the summer; that way you don’t have to skip another course. Then apply; you don’t get in, and argument is over.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to do that, just stop arguing. Keep your temper, and say, “Thanks, Dad. I’ll think about it.” It’s hard to argue with someone who won’t argue back.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Hahahaha, great advice, Opie! Undefined, it sounds like your dad isn’t going to let go of control very easily, and that is what this is really all about. As a parent, it’s one thing to want my children to be successful and to follow the nice, sensible paths that I have laid out for them since they were embryos. Btw, I based my parenting techniques on 1960’s Disney movies. It’s another thing to see them as individuals separate from myself and to let them follow their own paths. The second option is a lot scarier for parents than the first, and it feels unnatural to let go of our kids when we know with such certainty that we can <em>guide</em> them into success, with a sledgehammer and a crowbar, if necessary. ;)</p>
<p>So, to get out of this fix with your dad, simply hold the line and stay focused on what you want to do. You’re dealing with a boundary issue. He’s just buggin’, and that’s what parents do, sometimes. So, let him bugg. The only thing that you can control is your own actions, and I agree with Chedva on this one. Stop arguing with him. I’ll let you in on a secret that we Boomers figured out a long time ago…you don’t have to do what your parents tell you to do. (Side note: You DO have to do what your wife tells you to do, so get used to that idea, pal! LOL 
)</p>
<p>Anyhoo, good luck, hon. Ways that we Boomers got away from being controlled by our parents:</p>
<ol>
<li> Became estranged and haven’t spoken to them for 30 years.<br></li>
<li> Check in, but don’t spill your guts!<br></li>
<li> Say, “Okay, thanks. I love you, Dad / Mom / Shirley / Bartender.”</li>
<li> Limit your visits to 3 days, or less. :)</li>
</ol>
<p>This isn’t an argument you are going to “win.” </p>
<p>Your dad is sure he is right and he as acting partially out of fear and insecurity: not good places to be for reasonable discourse.</p>
<p>So don’t engage in the argument. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll think about what you have said.” Later, when he brings it up again: “Thanks, Dad, I really am taking your concerns and information into consideration.” Because you are. You just don’t agree with him.</p>
<p>Bottom line: don’t engage in the dispute. And remember, as hard as he is to take about this, he loves you, he is your father, you can continue to treat him respectfully in spite of your disagreement. This is good practice for you independent, adult life.</p>
<p><a href=“Side%20note:%20You%20DO%20have%20to%20do%20what%20your%20wife%20tells%20you%20to%20do,%20so%20get%20used%20to%20that%20idea,%20pal!%20LOL”>quote</a>
[/quote]
what sluggbuug said!</p>
<p>DH is from India, so I know a bit about ambition and the temptation to pressure ones kids. (See also excellent thread on Asian parents.)</p>
<p>DH is a IIT-educated engineer with graduate degrees from the U.S. He was hoping our son would study engineering, but that didn’t happen. DH does admit that here in the U.S. there are many more roads to success than there were in the India he grew up in. </p>
<p>The funny thing is, despite DH’s Ph.D. in engineering (which did help him get a good first job and some subsequent promotions), his job these days is all business, not at all technical. He was/is really a businessman at heart and would have studied for an MBA here instead of an engineering Ph.D. if he’d had the funds.</p>
<p>Often south Asian immigrants have been force-fitted into their occupations because of THEIR parents’ pressure and/or economic pressures in India. </p>
<p>Undefined, I think your father wishes HE was a doctor. Asian parents certainly have different boundaries with their kids and these can be harsh . . . but wanting kids to succeed is not a bad thing. Lately I see examples of Indians doing all kinds of non-traditional things successfully. Do you know anyone from the S. Asian community that might be able to help you out with your dad?</p>
<p>One more thing: in church today we saw a PowerPoint (!) musical presentation about determining what to be/do in life. There was a great line that went something like, “Where your greatest joy intersects with the world’s needs, go and find that place.”</p>
<p>A failed Asain parent here. When I daughter informed me she wanted to try out pre-med when she first entered her college, I did my utmost to dissaude her. It is a terribly unpleasant profession, with long hours and poor pay. Yes poor pay for most MDs except for the specialists. I point out that her real passion had always been in Literature and that she should pursue it. </p>
<p>She is now majoring in English and Math, and I wonder how long would I have to keep supporting her. But I am glad that she is interested in what she is learning.</p>
<p>I disagree with some who suggest this sort of pressuring behavior reflects parents wanting the best for their children. No doubt they love them to bits, but this particular parenting approach, this myopic pressure on one of a few careers, is reflective of what is best FOR THE PARENTS only. I don’t see how any of this kind of push in a particular direction has anything to do with the kids’ wellbeing if it’s not in the kids’ range of interests. </p>
<p>This pressure to conform to a parents’ dream merely serves the parent. That is, to relieve parental anxiety and let the parent show off themselves by the narrowly defined success of their child. Impressing friends and relatives of parents in a very limited social circle is NOT what should be driving educational and career goals! </p>
<p>While it may be true that economic survival in many developing countries is perceived to depend on being a doctor, engineer or computer science grad…in America you can do 1000 different careers and be perfectly economically fine. So the argument ‘this is best for my child’ when the child doesn’t <em>want</em> it is nonsensical. As we know from experience, and a ton of current research, life happiness and success has very little to do with income beyond a certain level.</p>
<p>Sorry for the rant… especially when I didn’t even offer advice to the OP…but I thought others had great advice to follow</p>
<p>As you might have picked up, my response is because your dad’s behavior hit a nerve (as my D is already at her young teen age fending off the pressure from her Indian side of the family).</p>
<p>OP: since it sounds like your dad is so fixated on making $200K, here is my advice. One does not have to be a doctor and make “big bucks” while being totally miserable and hating what s/he is doing every day. Engineering and medicine do co-exist, and it is a fantastic field of medical engineering, which attracts more and more attention from venture capitalists. In fact, in my area, several medical device companies raised VC cash in the past year, while traditional biotechs struggled. You can go to the Yahoo Finance, pull up information on some publicly held companies in this field, look up the salaries of their CEOs, CFOs, Founders, Directors, etc. (it is all public information). I bet those guys make way more than your ER doctor uncle ;). Of course, they all were starting at much lower levels, but I also bet they did not have gigantic med school loans to repay, no malpractice insurance to deal with (believe me, it makes a huge dent in a typical young doctor’s salary)… One does not even have to be a CEO to make a million! I personally know some folks who became multi-millionaires as biomedical engineers - they were among the first employees of some very successful comanies that went public.</p>
<p>There is a journal called Medical Engineering & Physics, take a look at the titles and abstracts of the papers it publishes (it is available for free at Sciencedirect/Elsevier Publications): glucose sensors, prosthetic limbs, contact lenses, MRI and CT scanners, etc. Fascinating field!</p>
<p>Being miserable in your profession is the worst way to go, especially after investing many years of your young life to arrive at that point. Money does not make up for lack of job satisfaction.</p>
<p>“Opie, Really, his dad is browbeating him, at the age of 20/21, into entering a field he doesn’t want to go into. For the money. Pay the man respect, yes. Love your father, yes. But don’t go into a career that you don’t want to, for the rest of your life, because ‘dad wanted me to’.”</p>
<p>Doubleplay, </p>
<p>There simply are people in your life that you must defeat with humour and love. It’s the key to a successful marriage and other relationships… </p>
<p>At what point did I say DO what your dad says? please find it for me. I simply set it out there to disagree without arguement, to use humour as a counter defense. </p>
<p>At the end of the day, do these people love each other? If the answer is yes, then sometimes refusing to butt heads through gentle humour is a far wiser tactic than standing up to a demanding parent. </p>
<p>Do you understand my point?</p>
<p>Even though there are many on this site…and at your career guidance center…who can help you prove your point, I agree with the suggestions in Mafool’s post #24. It’s not an argument you’re going to “win”, so don’t try to “prove” you’ll make as much money/have job security with an engineering degree, followed by working for a few years and then getting an MBA. </p>
<p>You’re absolutely right about working a couple of years and then going for your MBA. If you find that you really love engineering, some of the technical schools have excellent Master’s in business programs that appeal to engineers – in particular, MIT’s Sloan School Mangagement – although you’ll find plenty of engineers at most graduate business schools (and non-engineers at Sloan.)</p>
<p>Unless he’s threatening not to pay, I would say, do as Opie suggests, and deal with the situation with humor and tolerance. It’s annoying, I know, but like people have said, you’re not going to “win” this argument, and since you haven’t said otherwise, I’m assuming you want to preserve your relationship with him. If he pays your tuition and is threatening to cut it, that changes the issue, and you should be looking into ways to deal with finances (loans, part-time jobs, your school’s criteria for financial independence, etc) in the event that he does cut you off.</p>
<p>I was taught to say “I appreciate your concern, but I’m pleased with the way I’m handling things.” (That was more than 18 years ago, during my first pregnancy and I still remember it!)</p>
<p>OP, if you were to put in some emotional earplugs and say some of the formulaic phrases suggested in this thread, do you think it might help?</p>
<p>Great advise here! One more suggestion: Play out ‘what if I’m wrong’ with him. Okay, you don’t do all the pre-med requirements, you get a job in engineering or business or whatever and years later, you regret the decision. It is not too late at that point, to take the classes you need to fulfill the requirements and apply to medical school then. (America is the home of second chances!) I have two friends, one who entered medical school in her late 20s, the other in his early 40s-from entirely unrelated professions. It was hard, but they did it.</p>
<p>Last observation-if you think the pressure is intense now regarding your career choice, just wait until you try to marry someone that doesn’t fit his idea of a proper spouse. Better to set some boundaries (lovingly) right now.</p>
<p>Is your father aware that medicine in this country is a quagmire of billing practices that minimize the actual amount of money you can make? Only someone who really really wants to help people would want to get into that. You can make more money lots more easily as a good engineer.</p>
<p>I hope the doctors I see didn’t go into the profession to make their parents happy.</p>
<p>OP – I’m wondering if you are worried that you are disappointing your father or letting him down in some way by not doing as he suggests. That underlying anxiety can make you feel like no decision you make will be right – unless it is the one HE wants to you make.</p>
<p>You just have to remember that us parents, as much as we love our kids, are sometimes misguided about what is best for them. Sometimes we are trying to live out our own failed dreams through our children, and sometimes we just have very narrow definitions of what constitutes success (perhaps your father is trying to “keep up with the Joneses” by having a child who is a doctor?)</p>
<p>If this is where your dad is coming from, you won’t be able to change his mind. You’ll need to accept the fact that you cannot (and should not) make him happy in this instance, and then (as Opie suggests, along with others) use humor and affection to get you through the rough spots. Maybe just say, “I know you care about me, Dad, and I love you too. But this is the best decision for me.” Then change the subject as quickly as possible. 
Good luck!</p>
<p>Your Dad might just be bossy, wants bragging rights, hopes you’ll make a fortune. We’ve explored some of these ideas on this thread, to show it’s faulty reasoning and magical thinking by your Dad. More importantly. you don’t wanna, and it’s your life. </p>
<p>OTOH, here’s a different set of ideas. Some people would like to see their kids become doctors because they believe it’s an important, honorable profession. They imagine you saving lives, healing others, or extending the time on earth, which makes a difference to the direction of an entire family. </p>
<p>Have you considered he might also be complimenting you, perceiving you as a healing personality with a good scientific mind. </p>
<p>That doesn’t mean you should be a doctor! Not at all. I’m just saying, it’s rather a compliment if he thinks you COULD be one. </p>
<p>As for humor, next time he asks you to be a doctor, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Maybe I’ll marry one instead.”</p>