We’ve had a similar attitude that it’s hard to justify paying more for an OOS public when CA has such excellent instate publics. Worked out great for our three kids (two at UCs and one with an OOS full ride), despite a bit of disappointment from the oldest about not being able to go to the East Coast and us having to help the youngest think through the benefits of staying instate when he got off the waitlist.
However it’s been really weird observing a neighbor’s kid get into UCLA but choose UW Seattle, not because of the course (this is not a high paying STEM major, she doesn’t even really know what to study but was thinking kinesiology or similar) but because the sororities are “better” (apparently you rush before freshman year starts and live in the house all four years).
It’s not like they have unlimited money, but as best I can determine, with the parents divorced there was no united front from them saying “no it’s not worth it”. So they are paying a lot more and letting their kid take some loans to go out of state.
My family comes from the same part of the world (same country) yours does, if I’m remembering one of your past posts correctly. And that culture reveres education. My family had/has the same values as yours.
Understand all that clearly as I have been exposed to that same ethos (though my father didn’t get the memo).
One thing I’ll convey to you as a young adult is this: it is going to be much harder for you to “take it up a notch” over what your parents did for you. It’s going to be harder for you to buy a house and to finance your retirement than it was for your parents. So, if you choose to have kids, when you have them, give yourself some grace and don’t expect that same generational step-up from you to the next generation. I’m sure you’ll do all you can, but it’s getting harder and harder and harder.
Just as one small example: I was paying tuition in the $60+ k range just a handful of years ago to schools like the one you’re attending. I was able to do it because I’m a high earner. But look at what that number is now, and imagine what it will be when you are working. Real income is not keeping up with it.
Plus, you are (likely) way ahead of where you predecessors were. You don’t have as much room for improvement!
It’s abusive, and I’m surprised the kid is doing “brilliantly”. Maybe she is on the outside, but there is no way that didn’t get inside her brain and help shape her personality and self-image.
However, if we assume that a college (or other post secondary) graduate is more economically productive than a high school graduate with no additional education, then that replaces, in one’s lifetime, about 6 years of college graduate work with 6 years of high school graduate work. From an economics standpoint, that is disadvantageous for both the person and the economy as a whole over many people.
Of course, that can induce parents who attained eliteness themselves to put a lot of pressure on the kids not to end up “below” the parents in some measure (such as prestige of college or profession).
It is abusive. And I’m grateful that the kid is doing well at school, has a job, and pretty much never comes home. Her parents seem surprised that they seldom hear from her.
Yes I’m super fortunate. My parents haven’t put that pressure on me, my dad said he is willing to pay for my grandkids tuition and the like. I just think it is important for my to try my best when it comes to financially supporting my future family.
Except then parents need to retire and some can’t afford to support themselves financially, especially for medical cost. Just visit one of memory care units in your area. So many people on government support for many years in desperate conditions.
Agree. But CC+local flagship can adress that too. Student can work part time and study while living with parents. Idea that good parents are only the ones that can afford astronomical amounts for their kids’ college education is fundamentally wrong.
Yes that’s unfortunate- which is why a value in my family is to take care of the elderly. My dad currently financially supports his father. He did the best he could for my dad, and he feels it’s his responsibility to give back. In my culture, supporting family is extremely important.
I do believe that good parents will spend money on their kids education if
it’s affordable
the kid has worked their best (not everyone is capable of straight A’s I know people that try their very best and still get C’s. That’s ok!)
Not being able to afford a luxury doesn’t make you a bad parent.
The problem too is these restricted majors add another wrinkle. Because yes, in state public is usually a dream if all else generally fits. But if you don’t get into restricted preferred major, it may as well be a rejection. Then if your choice is between second tier in state school that doesn’t otherwise check the boxes and an OOS public, it still is tough/painful, but an easier decision if still within budget.
There is nothing wrong with spending 2 years at CC before transferring and getting your bachelor’s, however, not every family lives near a good CC. Not all states have strong CC systems. Every family is different in terms of what (if anything) they can afford to contribute for college. Certainly, parents should save first for their own retirement, but, for our family, paying for college was an important financial goal. We started saving in 529 plans as soon as our kids were born. Unfortunately, the days where kids could easily put themselves through college are gone.
This is a common path, but being able to live with parents is a form of financial support for the high school graduate kid. And even then, the junior and senior year at an in state public university can be expensive in some states, especially if it is not nearby.
But also, not every high school graduate has parents living in places where jobs and community colleges are readily commute accessible.
I agree. Not every family can afford to send their kids to college. While that’s sad, I can’t fault the parents for that. What matters is the effort. IMO, a good parent will contribute what they can. If that’s nothing monetarily, then it means contributing love and support. Putting a little bit of extra effort maybe if you have a car, driving your kid to work or to a local CC. Even that is contributing to your child’s education. Being a good parent means putting your kid first- instead of spending that money or time to get your nails done, using it for gas money to drive your kid to school/work.