Unethical? No. But the fact is money can buy advantage, and our widening income gap will continue to make that worse.
That is the reason that, when S19 tried to parrot a friend’s mom and her “you poor boys, such a disadvantage being white upper middle class males,” I had to have some serious conversations with him. He is privileged, period.
“Middle class families doesn’t have access to or eligibility for either.”
This probably depends on your location. Our solidly middle class high school offers free tutoring for everyone (before & after school, and all day long) as well as $60 SAT review classes (fee waivers available if needed) and free “mini courses” that meet briefly in the week or two leading up to the test dates. It isn’t the “Cadillac plan” that is private tutoring or a $1,500 Princeton Review class, but it’s not nothing either.
I know my children are very lucky and advantaged. Two of them do have dyslexia. (They have very poor symbol memory, which means it’s hard to hold letters/numbers in their heads and manipulate and/or remember them.) We are able to mitigate this with tutoring so they can work to their potential. I am constantly reminded of how hard it would be to have a learning disability without the means to diagnose and help, but thankfully our school district puts a lot of resources into special education (not that it’s enough to level the playing field).
Through the honor societies at our public high school, we have found students who are patient and engaging tutors, and also need the money. Although their subjects come naturally to them, I think that they also learn from teaching. It doesn’t mean huge inequities don’t exist, but student tutoring seems to me like a win/win and not a contribution to the problem.
I couldn’t believe parents should feel guilty for giving their children the best. Is it unethical if I tutor my children myself instead of paying someone to do it?
The best leg up students can have is having parents who understand the value of education and teach their kids to work hard and be the best they can be. Free help is often available to those who look for it. If parents feel guilty for helping their kids to succeed, they should donate money to volunteer tutoring organizations.
I’m not feeling bad about this. If we were doing some Lori Loughlin-grade crazy there might be moments of reflection, but we only do “normal” things. We live a life of moderation to have the money at hand when investing it in education will make a difference for our kids. And for as much as we’ve spent on private schools for the older ones, the youngest is at a public magnet and thriving. Just as I don’t feel bad about having better health care, I take what I need and encourage government to provide better for those in need.
If we are counting it all then finishing college, working hard, finding educated spouse, avoiding debt, drugs,divorce,drinking,domestic abuse, dangerous driving etc is also giving your kids an unfair advantage. No?
There wouldn’t be a need for any parent to hire a tutor if public schools do their job well. There wouldn’t be a need for fighting for certain colleges if all state schools did their job well. There wouldn’t be a need to fight for aid or merit if college education was tied to real beneficiary meaning student’s future income instead of their aging parent’s income. There wouldn’t be a fight for certain professions if professions were tied to aptitude not scores, people were encouraged and given incentives to go back to their communities to raise others up and every profession provided a decent living and a safety net. We will get dedicated/qualified teachers and private tutoring wouldn’t be needed.
I think it’s just too good to be true but what if we tried?
“There are so many resources wealthy can access. There are many resources low income families have access to. Middle class families doesn’t have access to or eligibility for either.”
What are you talking about. There are a ton of free resources available to almost everyone in this country (unless you’re somewhere very rural with very poor internet access and no public library). I was amazed at what you can find in the county library these days. And there is a ton of stuff online these days. Nothing like MIT’s OCR or even Wikipedia existed when I was a kid. My small town library was a one-room building and my jr high’s library was an small room annex to a classroom where the books look like they hadn’t been added to since the '50’s. But that didn’t stop me from reading “Brave New World” and “Brothers Karamazov” or from teaching myself algebra in 8th grade (the school system I was in didn’t offer algebra until HS at the time). Calculus, algebra, and geometry haven’t changed in centuries. The traditional Western Great Books curriculum hasn’t changed much either. There’s nothing stopping a kid from availing him/herself of free resources that are there for the taking.
“There wouldn’t be a need for fighting for certain colleges if all state schools did their job well.”
And how do you know that, for a motivated kid, there isn’t an in-state public where that is true? I daresay that at the vast majority of public flagships, there are way more resources and opportunities available than any one student can take advantage of.
Why do you presuppose that there is a “need”? What I see isn’t a “need” to fight for such schools, but a combination of obsession over status/prestige and insecurity manifesting itself. That too, would lead to the behavior that we currently see, rather than any real “need”.
No we do not feel bad as education is a stepping stone to get better opportunities. We are not leaving trust funds for kids. So we are doing the next best thing by educating them and giving them all the opportunities by providing them private tutoring. For our young daughter we already found Harvard-educated writers who are offering courses in English writing and grammar. My husband can teach math and science. Please PM me if you know any on line good tutor in history. Thanks
Don’t blame the player, blame the game.
These “standardized” tests have become anything but standard. You almost have to prep or you do not have a chance at competitive schools. We may see a change as top schools move to test optional.
The college process is a big money making machine. From SAT, ACT, AP tests, SAT subject test, private tutors, and private advisors.
I would love to see this change. My family is middle class and paid for prep for me. I’m in NYC…so it’s expensive!
I felt guilty about the expense, (for them) but they wanted to make sure I was prepared. I think it definitely helped. ( I don’t feel guilty that I prepped) The competition for admissions is insane.