^^ Me too
we are going to what is a destination wedding for us- its a resort 2 hrs outside Seattle (where they live). Its family, so we go.
One thing I dislike about destination weddings is the likelihood of excluding elderly family members.
My 96-year-old friend has a granddaughter who is getting married in Jamaica. She is in great shape for someone her age, but it’s just too much. The couple live in Dallas. That would have been workable for her. Purportedly, they could have a, “nicer,” wedding (nicer venue, food, flowers, etc) for less in Jamaica than they could have in Dallas.
I am not 100% sure they didn’t choose to do a destination wedding so only their young friends could attend.
One of the reasons S and DIL chose to have a wedding in Honolulu was so potentially my mom could attend, tho she died before the wedding.
They chose an outdoor venue with backup ballroom in case it rained. They wanted to be as covid-safe as possible (because H and I are at high risk). It’s easier to have an outdoor venue in Honolulu safely with more decent weather.
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Sorry to get this off kilter.
I know who isn’t coming. No idea about the groom’s side.
3 grandparents
The bride’s brother and his family
Maybe the maid of honor due to medical reasons and she might not be cleared to travel.
If the MOH isn’t coming, since it’s a cousin, probably not bride’s aunt and brother
Brides best friend
A cousin has RSVP yes, no idea if his father the uncle of the bride will attend
This is all the destination wedding. There is a small 30 people “local” wedding event where all those close family members who “can’t” attend the destination wedding are coming.
But hey, it’s so inexpensive to have a destination wedding compared to a big local wedding on the east coast.
I was just talking to somebody who went to a destination wedding for a college friend that was held in Cancun. She went but couldn’t afford the wedding hotel and could only afford to attend the actual wedding. She skipped the events on the other 3 days because since she and her partner were not staying at the wedding hotel they had to pay $100 each for a resort event pass to attend each of the events. She could only afford that $200 for the one day. She said there were 130 people at the actual wedding (and no elderly family attended.)
I have seen the other side of this also. Friends my age (60’s), who have struggled to bring their parents and in-laws to a destination wedding (not Mexico but someplace where none of the family lives that requires a plane to get to). These older folks wanted desperately to attend and see their grandniece, etc. get married. It was a burden to plan their travel and then take care of them during the wedding.
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I had to roll my eyes when Dad’s wife said, “I don’t understand why young people think grandparents can attend a Destination Wedding”. Nephew got married in same TX town he and fiancee lived. Which was also hometown for bride’s parents and sisters and most of the friends invited. Granted it would have been be tough for the NY grandparents to travel to TX…. but don’t scoff at it using the Destination Wedding buzzword.
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If I have to fly, it’s a destination wedding, and the answer is always no. I don’t care who you are, how related we are, or whose feelings are hurt; it’s a ridiculous ask. I’ll send a nice card.
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A woman I know has a daughter getting married in Bermuda because the groom has family there. He was born in the US, his father came here as a child from Bermuda. For me, that’s some weak reasoning. She says the entire process has been an absolute nightmare, mainly because the wedding is being held at an aunt’s home and not a hotel venue.
I don’t like to spend money on food people won’t eat (when we go out - don’t order an appetizer, main course and dessert, and eat only a little of each, at an expensive restaurant), when I’m paying for it.
Another thing, a little weirdness of mine - gifts people close to me won’t use. If you don’t want something, just tell me. I will give you the receipt or in many cases take it back for you. I understand a gift is a gift, and I shouldn’t care what happens once I give it, but it kind of drives me crazy. In our family we are mostly very specific about gifts/send links, which other people might not care for.
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I’m very specific about not really wanting gifts at all, but some people are gift givers. Then I ask for consumable gifts.
People will still gift me, “stuff.”
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My ex sil did that! I wasn’t paying but it still struck me as so wasteful.
She would order soup and eat 4 spoonfuls along with an entree she didn’t finished and dessert.
Drove me crazy. They also would go to more expensive restaurants than we usually go to. So we would order the least expensive entree and maybe a single glass of wine.
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Well, when S2 married our now-DIL, the wedding was held in San Juan. For us, it was a destination wedding, because we had to fly. But it was where DIL was raised and where her family still lives. I was surprised and gratified to see so many of S2’s friends from HS and college attend, even though it was expensive. One friend from college flew in from Shanghai!!
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D had her wedding in our area, where bride, groom and their families live. However, her grandfather (who lives many miles away) wasn’t able to drive that far, and he didn’t want to fly. Sure hope people didn’t judge her for not having her wedding closer to her grandfather so that he could attend. Yes, I’m being sarcastic … but some of the comments about leaving the older folks out sort of hit me that way.
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I agree with both of these!
It’s one thing to waste money, it’s another thing to waste food - to me that is a real sign of privilege cause you’re wasting BOTH. I’m not talking about “eat every bite on your plate”. But as you say barely touched food or drink - that would drive me nuts.
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I mean, traditionally, it’s always been a destination wedding for the groom and his family, right? Unless bride and groom are from the same place. Because usually weddings were held in the bride’s hometown. I think this is still pretty common, isn’t it? Maybe not???
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Tires. Absolutely essential, but very little buyer satisfaction.
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I feel like what is more common is a wedding in the bride/groom’s current hometown - because couple’s are more likely to be living together/established as a couple long before the wedding happens.
I don’t understand why people feel obligated to attend a wedding - even if it’s a family member (outside of your own child). It’s an ask, it’s an invite - not required attendance! You can still support and celebrate a couple even while not being at a ceremony!
At least for me I live in a land where $$$ is not free flowing to be disposable to every whim or invite. We have to decide what is best for our household.
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There is no obligation, none at all. Everyone can just stop feeling guilty about saying “no” (to anything) right now. I give you permission. 
What else do we hate spending money on?
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I have a family remember getting married in France but their partner is French. So destination for the Americans but hometown for the French relatives. I’m a little nervous about it but I think we will go if we can swing it. However D22 is also doing study abroad and we want to visit her while she‘s over there and have a little vacation for us too. So it’s two big overseas trips kinda back to back. Probably will do both but i have time and don’t have to commit yet.
I guess we had kind of a destination wedding ourselves. It was near my aunt & uncle & cousins and not in my hometown so everyone else had to drive in 150 miles or so. I don’t think they minded though and no one was left out and a bonus second cousin who happened to be in town for something else joined in.