You need to stand up to your parents. In the end if you get all Fs, it’s going to affect you and not them. They will blame you and there is nothing you can do. If you are burnt out then you are burnt out.
@SpringAwake15 Do you think it would be worth it do speak to a dean? I’m not sure how soon I would be able to get an appointment, since it’s a pretty big school, but would they be able to provide insight and give me some more guidance? I really want to stay here since I know a lot of people who leave college end up never going back, but I don’t want to be miserable for the next four years either.
Would it help to send this thread to your parents. If you were my kid I’d be very concerned about your welfare and I’d allow you to withdraw for the semester because you are so unhappy. Maybe they could read these notes and understand better.
You can also go to the health or mental health center and talk to them about a medical leave.
I’m thinking about formally writing something up that’s kind of a compilation of my posts on here, my messages to my friends, and my discussions with my counselor. I’d probably email it to my mom or send it to her over text, just so she can have an uninterrupted idea of where I’m coming from. I’ll update tomorrow when I get a response.
Make sure you do it quick so your parents can at least get 50% back. Having bad grades close off all avenues except go to CC and then transfer up.
You really need to ask your school about a late drop with money back for medical leave. It’d would be an exception to that 50% policy, but you’d need your therapist’s or doc’s written testimony that you need medical leave. And to me it sounds like you do. Hope your school grants such exceptions. Good luck.
Your parents have no bearing on the decision to withdraw. It’s your life, this is totally your decision.
There is no reason in the world why you can’t withdraw by Friday. There is no reason that you can’t withdraw today! Your parents are not involved. They are irrelevant to this decision and causing anxiety. They are irrelevant to the process. You do not need their permission.
Call the registrar and determine the procedure, follow it. Withdraw. Start packing up.
Once you’ve irrevocably withdrawn, then you call your parents (you’ll need a ride). You’ll explain it later, as a matter of fact, after the fact, without apology, without blame. If their are consequences, they are what they are. It doesn’t really matter. When you get home, start looking for a job.
This is the first step of you taking control of your life. It’s a positive step. You will own it. You will like it.
Congratulations!
@ClassicRockerDad OP’s parents are involved if they are going to need assistance from their parents. Angering them by doing the direct opposite of what they want might not make them very conducive to giving the OP a ride and letting them stay at home. The consequence might be having to figure out what to do on their own (including transportation and living arrangements) now that they just dropped out of school without consulting their parents. Not everyone is willing to take that consequence.
OP, while I think this should be your decision, we also have to live in the real world. I don’t really think withdrawing and then calling your parents to come pick you up is the best way to go about this.
@baktrak, I respectfully disagree.
What they WANT is irrelevant. They are not a party to the decision to withdraw. That is the OPs to make solo.
If they are going to withdraw their love and support because their child is going to determine the course of their own life based on their own very real needs, then so be it. Most parents wouldn’t do that.
We live in a great country with a great safety net that we all pay for. If they refuse to pick OP up, or refuse to continue to support him or her, then the OP needs to involve local social services to find emergency food and shelter. From there, the OP will look for a job, and build a life.
However, if the parents love their child, they will not withdraw their love and support under the very real possibility of a mental illness and leave that child homeless, but will instead work with that child to overcome their problems. Not with decrees but with real love and honest support.
The parents clearly don’t get that their child is burnt out and that staying in school is a waste of time and money. They will not hear the logic. Nonetheless, the outcome that needs to happen is that this student needs to withdraw from the university. Once that’s done, everyone can focus on the next step.
Call tour parents and told them you’ve made the decision. This way they know you are coming home. Provide to them 2 scenarios and let them know you pick the least damaging one. But do it quick.
1- You carry on, get all Fs, on academic probation. They lost a semester of tuition paid. Long term consequence is hard. Start over at CC with all Fs.
2- You drop now before friday and they get 50% off. Or best yet you could get full tuition refund due to health reason. But that takes longer. Also see if you can get a medical leave, therefore leave open the option you can come back in a year when you get better.
@ClassicRockerDad And while that’s certainly an option, it’s not the best option for everyone. I’ve seen students do this (go against what their parents wanted and face withdrawn support from their parents), and it doesn’t always work out for everyone. Not everyone wants to be homeless and not everyone wants to be stranded, and while it doesn’t always happen, sometimes it does. I’ve seen it. It’s easy for people who don’t have to face that decision to say just leave and deal with the consequences. Not everyone wants to deal with all possible consequences. Sometimes it’s not worth it (and sometimes it is, but there’s no way you can know that without knowing the OP).
I’m not saying the OP’s parents will withdraw financial support or emotional support because I don’t know them, but it can happen. I’ve seen it happen. More than once. It doesn’t always have to do with withdrawing love. You can love someone and still not support what they are doing with their life. And it’s never a pretty picture, and I’ve never seen someone not regret it. So I encourage the OP not to cut off and alienate their parents. To be honest, I think it’s ridiculous to tell you’re parents I’m going to do whatever I want, but please come pick me up and give me a ride home. Try to talk to them. If you can’t talk to them, then try to write something for them to read and process in their own time.
I don’t think the school will give you a full refund for a medical leave. I think they will just make it easier to come back and will provide documentation if tuition insurance was purchased. But if schools gave full refunds for that, the tuition insurance business wouldn’t exist.
I want to emphasize that the decision is an adult decision on the part of the OP.
I frankly can’t understand the parents point of view of wanting the OP to waste more of their money and wanting their child to suffer needlessly with feelings of anxiety and guild. It’s a very destructive attitude. I doubt that’s what they really want.
Perhaps discuss it with them, perhaps write to them, but make it clear that it’s a done deal.
If this were me, I would assume that my parents would be supportive. I think the OP should make the same assumptions. It would be tragic if that were not the case, but the alternative is what? Staying in school and failing? For whose benefit?
@clarinet1234, Do I think it would be worth it to go to a Dean? Honestly, I don’t have the personal experience to solidly answer that, but I don’t think it would hurt. You want people on your side who can advocate for you; the worst that could happen is that talking to a Dean doesn’t help you come up with a plan.
I do agree with @baktrax that withdrawing without telling your parents is probably a bad idea. I’ll always speak in support of prioritizing self-care, but acting and hoping that everything falls into place after probably isn’t the best thing to do right now.
I’m guessing you’ve texted/emailed home by now – good luck. I hope it goes well for you.
And what do you recommend that the OP do if the parents remain against it. Stay and fail?
I don’t want to do anything my parents don’t know about. They would be more upset if I said “hey, come pick me up since I dropped out of school” than if I came to them saying “I really don’t feel comfortable at school and I want your support if and when I decide to leave”. While I don’t ever think I could be that direct, I just know I cannot make this decision by myself. I’ll try to schedule a meeting with my Dean.
Following your posts / threads - it sounds like you wanted out from day one.
Why didn’t you give it a chance to work? And why don’t you stick it out freshman year?
Believe me, I would love to be able to stick it out my freshman year, but these feelings are not something I can sweet under the rug until I feel like dealing with them. I tried to give it a chance, but I couldn’t and cannot help the way I feel. My inability to focus and actually concentrate on assignments has already caused my grades to slip, and recently I turned in probably the worst paper I’ve ever written.