That’s good!
I would get her talking and try to understand what happened. It could be the online learning, depression from being back home, or some other trauma. Don’t hesitate to get her with a professional to talk this through. Once you know why you can help her recover.
As others have said, I have been in your shoes. Give yourself some time to grieve and be shocked. Give all of you permission to spend a week or two getting used to the idea that now all of you know the truth. Hug her a lot. Expect anger.
I would not pepper her with questions right away. After a bit, you may want to sit down and say “okay, let’s think about what happens next”. Be the lighthouse. Show the way to a path that feels like success, whether that is a job, volunteering, or a new school.
Don’t rule out the possibility that she was assaulted, or some other traumatic event has happened. But don’t rule out that she just simply couldn’t meet expectations. My son’s therapist wisely said “Don’t ask ‘why’ as often as you ask ‘how’”
Don’t be afraid to take a break from caring. It doesn’t have to be 24/7 of sadness and worry. Watch a movie together. Cook. Whatever.
Lastly. Don’t be ashamed, and don’t let her be ashamed. She hasn’t committed a crime, done something unethical, or sullied the family honor. You haven’t failed as a parent, even though you can’t believe you didn’t know and didn’t see. What defines us is not how we fall down, it’s how we get up. So practice saying “oh, she’s done with school right now and figuring out what’s next”. Hold your head up, hold hers up.
It will be okay, I promise. I’m over here on the other side, and you will be too, in time. Let us know how all of,you are doing
This is an old story. I’ve been there and no ever so many other students and parents who have.
I would find out exactly what happened both from The college’s stand point and what her records there say ( like transcript) and exactly what her situation there is—FROM THEM, as well as your daughter’s version. Regardless of what she tells you (which is undeniably important), you really need to know exactly what the official situation is whether you DD says it’s true or not, whether it’s going to be fixed, in transition, Etc etc. You need to know precisely what the status quo is from perspective of the school and what THEY say are the options. Start calling and get the legal and school releases necessary to get access to her records there, including medical. You need to know what’s down there on paper.
A talk with your DD is also imperative. If you can get a counselor to help, might be good idea. Take notes, I like to say record but that may be too draconian. Sadly, many of these sessions can end up “You said, I said, No, that’s not what I said, you got it wrong “ … you get the gist.
Once you know what the situation is, you can come up with what the possibilities are to do next.
I’m sorry this happened. It happens a lot.