I got booted from college too. It was humiliating and tough, it changed my relationship with my parents and some friends, and left me scrambling to find a job. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I spent years out of school, working whatever jobs I could find trying to keep food on the table. After 6 years I finally figured out that I wanted to get back into school and how I could succeed. I was allowed to return to the school I had left and graduated 2 years later with high honors. I went on to get my masters and am working on my phd.
You’re trying to find a new normal right now and that is exactly what you should be doing. Find a job, a place to live, repair your relationships. When you get the chance, though, you need to figure out what you want to do with your life and why college didn’t work out. Perhaps your path doesn’t go through college. Perhaps it does, but you needed to sort some things out first, as with me. Regardless, you will have to find your path and this stumble will make it harder to recover a second time - whatever you do, try hard to make it work.
Update #4: I just talked to my girlfriend about the entire situation, and she’s surprisingly highly supportive. She’s willing to help me through finding exactly what I want to do. She’s actually a Kinesiology major, so she’s suggesting that I look into doing something within that vein when I’m able to go back to school. Until then, she’s 100% behind me as far as persuing a career in fitness or whatever else I choose to do. I’m feeling much better now than I’ve felt in the past few days.
Good job! That’s one more person you’ve told, and what does her support tell you? Maybe that you are not giving people enough credit? Consider that this fear of people abandoning you is more in your mind than anything. I understand it, but having been in similar situations where people in my life were fearful of telling me things, I can tell you that what I was most upset about was that they didn’t tell me sooner and trust that I’d be there for them when the chips were down. I think you’ll feel better and better the more people you tell and find out how much they care about you, not because they saw you as a successful college student, but because of who you are.
I also agree with others that your parents may be feeling they failed you somehow. I’d share your thoughts and plans with them. You don’t have to have it all figured out yet, but I think letting them know you have some ideas you’re actually enthused about will make them feel better, and if they feel better, I think it will make you feel better too.
@tx1996 - I just read this thread from start to finish. I’m glad you’re dealing with the issue head on. I’m a father and I think I have a pretty good understanding of both sides of the relationship. I had some rough patches in college and I wasn’t open about it with my parents out of a fear that they’d freak out. Now, as a parent I have a broader perspective, but I’m still pretty sure they would’ve freaked out. That was a difficult time for me.
I’m a little disappointed in your parents’ reaction but I’m glad your girlfriend is supportive.
Since I’m a father I’ll try to focus on repairing your relationship with your dad. I obviously don’t know him so I could be way off base, but I’ll try to put myself in the position of if it were my son and he was breaking this news to me. I’d be disappointed but my love for my son and my desire for him to pick himself up and get back on his feet moving forward would be my main priority. It sounds like that’s how your dad feels. By saying he doesn’t care what you do as long as it isn’t sitting around doing nothing is probably his way of saying he wants you to get back on track, but in the moment he forgot to tell you the part about loving you, wanting what’s best for you, etc.
I’d suggest you give him a little time to cool down and then make an effort to spend some quality, one on one time with him, and let him know that you’re disappointed in yourself, sorry you’ve disappointed him, and that you hope he’ll be able to give you the emotional support you’ll need moving forward. Unfortunately us guys aren’t wired the way women are and stuff like emotional support can be hard to discuss. But even with that disadvantage, there’s something about a father’s love for his children that makes it possible to get through any problem.
I expect that if you let him know you need him, he’ll be there for you.
Good luck. I think you’re handling it as well as possible.
Update #5: I just had a long conversation with my dad, and he has referred me to a friend of his, who is an air traffic controller. I don’t know much about what the job entails, or the process of becoming an air traffic controller, but I’m meeting with my dad’s friend tomorrow. I talked to both of my parents about my plan, and changing my major to exercise science once I’m able to get back into school.
My mom is very supportive of it, especially knowing that I have a true passion for that field. My dad, not so much. He’s understandably concerned with me getting a secure, well paying job, regardless of my interests. I’m willing to look into air traffic control and see if I would be interested in it, but if it turns out to be a more arduous process than meets the eye, I’d much rather go through trials with something I love to do, even if it means making significantly less money. I will report back tomorrow with how the meeting goes.
P.S. For those following the thread, I really appreciate all of the responses. I’m using this thread as “diary” of sorts, in order to hold myself accountable and mark my progress. It seems to be helping so far, so I’ll continue posting updates as long as I can.
I’m being a little bit funny, but there is a lot of evidence “what you call” what you study makes a big difference in your future earnings etc. You can do 2 similar programs, and one can be reasonably lucrative and stable, the other not as much. A licensed physical therapist, for instance, will make 1.5 - 2x what an exercise physiologist makes. I don’t know what the difference would be in the education required, but it’s worth doing a bit of research.
@CaliDad2020 a Physical therapist also needs to get a DPT which is a doctorate.
I think this young man has a good plan…get a job in an area of interest…and move on from there at some point. The options will open up as he moves along.
The great thing about being a trainer, the private aspect of it gives you flexibility, so even if you got another job, the training can still fit in! Good luck!
Update #6: I just talked to my dad’s friend about Air Traffic Control, and he’s taking me on a tour of his station on Tuesday. The process isn’t exactly as simple as my dad made it out to be. I could definitely do it if I were to be hired, but there’s no way to even know when the next bid will be. It could be another 6 months-a year, meaning up to a year out of school, doing whatever to get by. After being hired, it’s a 3-5 year process before becoming a full fledged Air Traffic Controller.
If I could start tomorrow, it wouldn’t even be up for debate. But with the uncertainty of it, I’m thinking I may be better off going back to school in the fall and doing what I want to do, if there isn’t another bid by then. My dad is totally against me doing anything within the fitness industry, since it’s not the most profitable or secure field out there. Part of me wants to follow his advice, and another part of me wants to prove him wrong. I still have meetings tomorrow (see post #32), and the tour on Tuesday, so we’ll see what happens over the next few days.
@thumper1@tx1996 Yeah, like I said I was being a bit glib/funny. Obviously, get the BA (or AA) first and move on from there. My main point was whatever education you get, it’s not “the end.” You can always continue, if you like what you’re doing, into something that might be more financially rewarding, if that becomes a concern.
@CaliDad2020 That’s another good point. My dad wants me to go for something with which you can immediately see the light at the end of the tunnel. That isn’t necessarily the case with the fitness industry, but it’s hard not to succeed in something if you put your heart and soul into it. I feel like the passion I have for it will get me much further than going for something else just because I know I’ll have a secure job. But as of now, I am weighing my options and not discounting anything just yet.
My oldest son looked into being an air traffic controller. If you are color blind, it might be an issue.
My son dropped out of college and after learning he couldn’t be an ATC, he is now working for the Post Office as a mail carrier. He is making about $40K, which is pretty good considering he has essentially no college. He has health insurance, though I am COBRA-ing his dental insurance. He is in a job which still gives a pension. He is talking about going back to college now and he will qualify for his own FA or be able to pay for it on his.
@tx1996 you seem focused and passionate. It’s not like you’re trying to be a classical jazz sitar playing mime in Lubbock or something truly nuts. Keep discussing your plan with your folks (and try to keep it realistic and something you can make good on.) I think you all will figure it out.
Fed hiring freeze coming. ATC will likely get waivers to hire when needed but still may be a delay in next hiring class. Smart to move forward and not wait for that to happen. If it does - great, if not you are making progress in a path you’re comfortable with
Good grief, there are fitness trainers everywhere. And yes, you could start there and potentially end up deciding on OT or PT. You can’t choose a career based on perceived notions of employability. IF it were me, I’d tell Dad you want to try working as a trainer until the next decision time comes up – i.e., go back to school, or not. It’s always sensible to build in a reassessment check for the family, but you are still entitled to become the person YOU want to be. Get info about the fitness field, and reassure your dad that if it doesn’t seem to be working, you will be reconsidering. But I think the ATC is a less wonderful idea.
This is a drop in the bucket in the scope of life. This does not define how successful you will be nor does it close the door on your ability to get your degree and finish school. I know it seems huge right now but you have many many years ahead to find your way! I barely graduated high school, went to Junior college and struggled lots of C’s a few B’s and maybe one A. I transferred to a university, and got more of the C/B grades, with one class I even had to repeat!. I ended up finishing and graduated! Today I make more money than both my parents combined! I stayed the course and never gave up. Average and good grades are not something to be disappointed about as long as you did your best. My true success was that I was determined and never gave up! That is MOST important than what grades you get!!!