<p>Oh, the pain! I totally relate and empathize!!!</p>
<p>In my case, my dd is no longer running track and playing soccer, (terrible for my H) but worse for me is that she is no longer irish dancing competitively- a “sport” (yes, a sport…dancing on stage in competition, she says, was physically harder for her by far than running the 800 in track or playing an entire soccer game) that she excelled in and that took her all over the country, and to the world championship level in Ireland. It consumed more time than the sports, and many weekends all year round. It was a great ~10 year run! <strong><em>sigh</em></strong></p>
<p>I admire our kids for knowing when it’s time to concentrate on other things. They won’t know until they have their own kids how hard it is for parents to “give up” that activity, too!</p>
<p>Well, there’s always grandchildren to hope for. Then we can start all over again!!</p>
Classic. She’s been there, done that, and there are more interesting things to do at college. I think it’s a good sign, even if it leaves the fan club feeling deflated. But there will be other great things to cheer about. Says this mom of a college senior who went through this sports-missing phase.</p>
<p>Soccer was a major focus of my son’s life for many years, but he decided not to play for his last two years of high school because he did not enjoy playing on his school’s team - it wasn’t fun anymore. (He did xc and track instead, which he enjoyed.) I missed watching my son play soccer, as we had spent almost every weekend at tournaments and games for years. Well, at college he went back to soccer, playing on many intramural teams (often 2 or 3 at the same time). I was happy about this, as some of his teammates who played all through high school were burned out and never wanted to see a soccer ball again. Perhaps your daughter will play intramural basketball, where she can enjoy playing without as much of a time commitment or pressure to perfect every aspect of her game.</p>
<p>Curm,
You could start here Watch the Dartmouth v. Carleton women’s match. Light up a doober and sit back and enjoy the game (kidding, kidding). It’s actually very interesting and they get a lot of exercise. They’re very serious about it.</p>
<p>dstark: “Sometimes our kids make wiser and better decisions than we ever would.”</p>
<p>You couldn’t be more wrong! I always make better decisions than my kids do or would. Not even close. But if some of their decisions happen to turn out better for them, or make them happier, well, that’s just accidental. I’m sure of it. . . . .</p>
<p>I can’t really relate to what you are going through, curmudgeon, because my kids’ athletic careers laid end to end amounted to about 5-1/2 months. I tried, but I couldn’t get them interested. And I will be happy to go from now until grandchildren without seeing The Nutcracker again.</p>
<p>Ultimate is a great game, though. It seduced my nephew the Junior Olympian gymnast, too. He dropped gymnastics for Ultimate his senior year in HS.</p>
<p>I’ve never played Ultimate, exactly. But back in high school we used to play a cobbled-together version of Frisbee Lacrosse (sort of European handball rules on a lacrosse field – you could take up to three steps holding the frisbee, contact but no grabbing or tripping, no shooting from inside the crease, and play stopped only when the frisbee went out of bounds). It was great.</p>
<p>From the NYTimes Education supplement - Nov 5, 2006</p>
<p>“Forget college guides, U.S. News and World Report rankings, average SAT scores. The best gauge of an institution’s excellence may actually be…its ultimate Frisbee team.” </p>
<p>And the answers to “Why Smart Guys Play Frisbee” (but these don’t all apply to Curmudgeon’s daughter)</p>
<p>"In his new study on the correlation between academic excellence and ultimte, Dr. Michael J. Norden [Univ of Washington prof. of psychiatry] explains the attraction:</p>
<p>*Students not known for athletic prowess ‘can show up at college having never played’ and be good at it by year’s end.
*The game calls for ‘spatial aptitude’…and ‘quick, accurate decision making’…
*‘it is readily compatible with a heavy academic load.’ "</p>
<p>Curm…I hear what your D is saying and it seems like the passion isn’t quite there and so putting in the time has a different twist to it. If it is a deep deep passion, the time commitment would be worked out. There are passions that people do not want to give up. If she was willing to, then she was ABLE to. If you want it real bad, you find a way. I don’t think she wants it real bad right now, and it would be a sacrifice to her to have to give up X or Y to do it. Then it is no longer a passion. It is too hard to make that kind of commitment unless you LOVE it and can’t imagine giving it up. </p>
<p>One of my kids, for one of her ECs at college, has been at it every night since college began until very late at night and also on Saturdays and Sundays. Up until this week, I’d say at least 30 hours per week for that ONE activity (it is not her only one). This weekend, she is at it from 9 AM until midnight on Saturday and same again today and will be every night this week and next weekend. There is no way a kid is going to devote that kind of time unless they have a fire inside that they could never consider putting out. It is just a huge huge commitment. I think it is good that your daughter has refected upon what she wants to do or not in college and has come to this decision as it works for her. I am surprised given I thought she was a diehard bball player and planned to play in college, but her priorities might be changing in college. Whatever the case may be, she shouldn’t devote that kind of time to it unless she truly cannot imagine NOT doing it.</p>
Yeah, but if I was even half as smart or talented or good-looking as d, I’d have had a heck of a lot more options. Like curmudgeon’s d, my 15 year old has been seduced by ultimate frisbee. It’s a newish club at h.s., so we shall see.</p>
<p>galwaymom, my d can’t fit in the Irish dance anymore, either. If she can’t keep up to the World champ competition level, she won’t do it. She did just dance at a the h.s. talent show this weekend with a few “retired” friends & they looked darn good. I really miss seeing her dance. I don’t miss the $$$ or the wigs, but I miss the trips to Ireland when the plane fares are low. She’s been winning at the Fleadh every year, so we still make it over in August for the music competitions.</p>
<p>Curmudgeon must be declared King of the Threadstarters. I think we are supposed to hoist him up onto a chair and parade him around the town square.
Then he asks for water.</p>
<p>I dropped from the swimming team after my junior year. Why? I was not going anywhere with it. Our team had several stars, including the state champion butterfly guy. But I was not one of those. I was just an average, run-of-the-mill swimmer (happy to occasionally get a third in a meet). Senior year, I had much to do - traveling to see schools, looking for scholarship money, keeping a part-time job to make some money for college, and just having a great final year. As for parent interest, I think things have changed a little. My parents NEVER saw me swim in a competition. Not on the school team, nor on the club team. Not once.</p>
<p>(how was that for self-absorbed, 40-years-ago pity?)</p>
<p>Probably the lack of sporting events has been the hardest thing about this empty nest. Had one son who played basketball from age 8 through HS, plus AAU. A D. who showed hunter/jumper from age 8 through high school (and college) and the youngest son who did basketball and soccer plus AAU and premier soccer all the way through. I’m definately in withdrawal—spent the afternoon watching the ACC soccer championships on TV.</p>
<p>Youngest son says he may look into playing club rugby at school–yeah!–I can go watch games (though I won’t know what’s going on). This son was the most competitive and as someone else mentioned–he burned out on soccer and refused to entertain playing in college. But I really think he is missing the team sport experience. </p>
<p>Guess maybe I’d better go look for “Rugby for Dummies” ;).</p>
Hey, Driver’s link also has some rugby stuff. The little mongrels just thought by playing a club sport they could leave us out of the fun. Little did they know. The internet strikes again. </p>
<p>On the UPA site (Ultimate Players Association) there are rankings and everything! Cool! Many thanks, Driver. Who’d of known? Frisbee. Imagine that.</p>
<p>Hey, it ain’t basketball but I’m happy to find anything. They do seem to be very into a self minimal governance anarchy kind of thing-huh?</p>
<p>Also, I noticed D is on both the Girls team and the Open team. Oh, gee. That sounds like a lot less of a time eater. Uh-huh. Sure.</p>
<p>The Open (as in co-ed) teams are part of the big attraction–hate to tell you. Don’t worry, though–I’m an official house mother on the UF underground railroad, and I can tell you that these kids really behave themselves when they’re sacked out in sleeping bags all over my house on the way to this or that tourney.</p>
<p>Wow, digmedia, that’s pretty sad about your parents not seeing you swim! (As a swim mom, that one hits home). </p>
<p>Curmudgeon, I feel for ya! We just got back from visiting several colleges for our junior D, and met the swim coaches and are trying to help her figure out what place the sport will have in her life in college. Of course, there is the option that it will have no place in her life, but egads, I think H and I have mentioned that option only once and it might have been so quietly muttered as to not have been heard at all! </p>
<p>You really must be going through withdrawals, though when I read earlier about all that your D was attempting this year (plus a sorority!!) I kinda wondered if maybe she had a twin you weren’t telling us about. How could one girl fit all that in!? Dropping b-ball was probably the right thing to do, and I have to say I rather admire her reasons. Makes a strange sort of sense to leave a sport when you’re at your peak. Lots of good memories that way (I remember something about state champions last year!).</p>
<p>Cur–sooner or later, it will happen to all of us. You’re lucky that there is something else to replace it! This is a good thread started by someone whose son gave up baseball after a year in college, with lots of thoughts about how it feels:</p>
<p>It’s kind of like, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”…except that when it hurts, I’m not so sure that’s true! I know I’ll be “okay” after my son is through with baseball, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get a twinge, and a flood of memories, a LOT!</p>
<p>I actually know several kids who gave up their top high school sport for something different in college and went on to carve it out as their own special place–especially rugby, it seems, but Ultimate has been a destination for some, too. I wish the same for your daughter. Being Curmudgeon, you’ll take this experience and make it shine!</p>
<p>I can’t relate to the sports thing, but am experiencing a similar pity party with a slightly different twist. I am going thru major withdrawl from being a “Show Choir Mom.” (not to be confused with “stage mom” or cheerleader mom) D spent 4 years in high school, plus 3 in middle school singing and dancing on stage. Even summers were spent in musical theater. By the time she was a senior, she was in 3 choirs; concert choir, show choir and jazz choir. She was the school diva and won lots of awards competing solo as well. I was at every show and competition, chaperoned trips to NYC from southern Cal and was a super booster parent. Now D is across the country in Boston, singing in both a capella and chamber…and I can’t go see her perform! We did get to hear both groups during parent weekend, so that helped. I am trying to attend the high school shows but it’s just not the same when it’s not your kid!</p>
Watch the Dartmouth v. Carleton women’s match. Light up a doober and sit back and enjoy the game (kidding, kidding). It’s actually very interesting and they get a lot of exercise. They’re very serious about it.</p>
(As a swim mom, that one hits home). </p>