My mom’s mother died when she was an infant and single fathers were very uncommon in the 1940’s so she went to live with an aunt and uncle. They had a son who died from epilepsy when he was a teenager and no other children. They wrote their wills to leave everything to my mom upon their passing, and rewrote when I was 18 to include me if something happened to her. When they passed, the number of distant relations that complained and hired lawyers to contest the wills was really surprising as they were iron clad and filed more than a decade earlier. Some people will do anything for money, even step on other family members. Sad.
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Right now, you’re talking about 2 million from the sale of the house, correct? And hopefully you have another decade, so it could be substantially more.
You are correct to consider that the money that you leave your remarried brother could go to benefit the wife’s adult children. You also should consider that leaving money to young adult (early 20’s) nieces and nephews could create a problem - I know that one of my kids would possibly stop working, stop going to school to be able to improve his earning power, and just live on the inheritance until it’s gone. But it sounds as if your nieces and nephews are grown, already.
Do NOT ask remarried brother if he has a prenup. Stay out of it. Assuming that your brothers are well-established in life, and have all they need for retirement, I would make your nieces and nephews the beneficiaries of your will. It will probably come to them when they are in their 30s, possibly raising kids themselves, at a time when they probably would need it the most for raising their own families. You can always change it as you get closer, if it needs to be revised. You can make the brothers co-executors, and they can pay themselves 5% of the estate, if need be, or they can just pass it along to the kids if they don’t need the money.
Might be a good idea to have a conversation with the brothers, explaining that you would like to make all the nieces and nephews equal beneficiaries of your will, and them co-executors, and how do they feel about that.
Another thing. If you don’t expect to need all the money you have, you might consider making equal gifts to the nieces and nephews every year, now. Wouldn’t you rather see them have the money to enjoy, now, rather than after you’re gone? Only of course if you have more than you expect to need.
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There has to be some element of trust in having things turn out optimally, imho. My dad left things to each of us but we all have my mom who is still fairly healthy and will need care for however long she lives so we all gifted everything back to her so she will have the all the assets for the care she needs and deserves.
H and I have willed all to one another (in trust) and then to the kids as contingent beneficiaries. We don’t envision anyone marrying a floozy, but who knows? We also try to gift to our kids now, when they can invest and use the assets. D is using the money we give on living expenses. S is using it to grow his online business and fund his retirement IRA and 401k. It’s good to see them having use of the funds now and we have enough for ourselves.
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That was the biggest “hurdle” for us in doing our trust - the what if D marries someone who tries to take her to the cleaners in a divorce. The attorney strongly suggested not leaving all the inheritance to her at once so that future allocations are protected. At some point though, there is only so much you can do.
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I’m sorry this upset you and it was not intentional for the OP, but it is specific to the language in the Will and Trust, that WE have in our family, with nieces and nephews that are “related by blood”. This is why each Will and Trust that has to be specified by the person and their estate. Your attorney will help you use the specific language you need.
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You could take my approach – conduct yourself in such a way that if you pre-decease your spouse, they will NEVER want to remarry. Mine has already promised me as much because “Oh boy, I have had that experience!”
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What if your dh marries a floozy?? It won’t be between dh, ds and the floozy. If dh feels the same as you and has a similar will and dies first after remarrying then ds may very well end up with nothing at all. And no say. Zero.
And it happens on a regular basis. And sometimes very big money is involved.
Death of a spouse is a traumatic experience and the normally level headed person you had as a spouse can turn into an irrational being. Everyone should pay attention to cautionary tales. A good will can get complicated taking those weird scenarios into account. But far easier to have a will and trusts that indicate your true intentions than let a court decide for you.
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The other issue is if your brother is somehow incapacitated, for example by dementia or Alzheimer’s, that leaves the spouse in charge of everything. DH has a colleague in this exact position. FIL is very wealthy but has dementia, second wife is siphoning off funds to her family and taking very poor care of the FIL. The FIL’s kids are now in court to get the second wife away from overseeing his care. It’s a mess and very expensive.
Also second concerns about subsequent wives in general. I have many friends where the dad remarried and was so enamored of the second wife that she received everything. On a personal note when my dad remarried after my mom passed away he did have a pre-nup for this very reason because my stepmother had been married a few times and had a 4 kids from those marriages.
It’s difficult to predict what can happen in the future but money and it’s distribution often brings out the worst unfortunately.
@gouf78 sorry didn’t mean to reply directly to you…still mess up with this new format lol
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Imagine when even more than (lots of) money is involved… royal families can be examples.
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For me, it’s not so much if a spouse remarries a floozy. My DH could marry a perfectly lovely woman and I would be happy (from the grave). But if she outlives him, I don’t want all of his/our money (belongings, etc) to go to HER kids adult kids (not raised by him). I want it to go to MY/OUR kids.
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My mil had a friend. She was dying on cancer and knew that her husband would quickly remarry. She wasn’t wrong, he remarried 6 weeks after her death. The first wife had family money and made sure that after her husband’s death that the money went to her children.
I guess the husband tried to change the will, his children would not agree. (They were not fond of the new wife). After his death, the second wife had weeks to leave the family house, had no where to go (she did not have money before she was married) and I think she alienated his children so much they didn’t really care.
My mil was adamant that if her children die before her that the grandkids inherit instead of us wives. She is not fond of my sil’s spending habits. And didn’t want the sil to spend the money she spent a lifetime saving. This is very common.
Fortunately my husband and I have planned for no inheritance, and if my husband were to pass away before her, I would be fine.
I did tell my mil that she knows if my husband passes away, that I would be the one to take care of her 
Maybe I shouldn’t just for spite! Jk
My bil has separated from his wife recently, so I guess she won’t be able to spend my mil’s money after all. 
And there are reasons to worry about grandkids too and not just “give them money all at once”. You want to give the good kid turned drug addict a large amount of money? I know of that scenario too–it’s a mess.
There are many scenarios where money can ruin lives and others where it really helps lives. None of us can really see the future—the person who seems to have everything could lose it all in a devastating accident or health diagnosis or violent offspring or ???
Some very wealthy folks leave funds in trust with conditions on how it is to be disbursed while others give much/most of it away to charities they favor so their offspring and loved ones earn their own livings.
Lots to consider.
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I didn’t read all the replies, but here is my suggestion:
Take the total of your estate, and portion out a set amount to your nieces and nephews in trust for their education. Then divide the rest amongst your siblings equally. That way, everything is even. If the brother who remarried wants to provide for his stepchildren’s education, he will be able to do so out of his portion of your estate.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that new adult stepchildren should inherit from a stepuncle they barely know. Direct a portion on your estate to educational trusts for your niblings, and give your sibs the rest to spend as they wish.
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One of my dear friends is the sweet once young 2nd wife of an older widower. They were married for at least 30 years and adopted and raised a son together. His children from the 1st marriage were grown. I believe he left her all their assets and debts—by the time he passed away, the tax debts exceeded their assets. His 1st family is still not all that close to the 2nd wife—don’t know if not getting any inheritance from dad was a factor but doubt they realized that the assets had largely already been spent in the dad’s lifetime.
People often miscalculate how much of a difference any inheritance may make in their lives and whether any will actually come their way.
It’s also tough to know what future tax changes may affect future gifts.
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@auntbea without specifics, but with Ancestry, 23&me dna kits etc “related by blood” can be a minefield. I’ve known both people who discovered new siblings and those who discovered that biological children, weren’t. I do like the idea of being very specific about who gets what and specifically excluding others though. Who knows what newly discovered blood relatives crawl out the woodwork.
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A fairly well publicized case where a close blood relative was acknowledged later:
Our documents indicate a number like 5% per grandchild, with the balance to be divided equally by our children. Say there’s $1,000,00 and 10 grandchildren, plus 4 children. Our grandchildren would received $50,000 each (in trust if they are minors) and their parents (our children) would receive $125K each. This allows us to treat all grandchildren equally — and to treat our own children equally. …just a thought here…
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Ours is as yours - all to each other with ds as contingent if we both pass simultaneously. I was starting to feel as though I was the only person on this thread who has this set up!! I had no idea we were in the minority on this.
I am curious as to percentages that you leave to your spouse v your children, but I don’t want to derail this thread.
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