I like this approach. My oldest is a sophomore, and when I first got on here, people chided me for doing it backwards.
I’ve been taking the same approach you have. I don’t want to set my daughter up for disappointment, but I think setting a target is good. Waiting for all the test results to come in before looking for schools that are matches seems risky to me. Of course, you could be way off in your estimates of SAT scores, but if you cast a wide net, and have realistic expectations, I think it makes sense to look for fit up front, to the extent that it can be done on the child’s behalf.
For example, I think I can safely rule out super conservative schools and super liberal schools, without worrying that I’m making decisions for my daughter. I’ll still encourage her to look at any schools she’s interested in, but I won’t go crazy researching merit scholarships at any ultra conservative schools, for example.
I am going to try to get her to take practice SAT and ACT exams as soon as possible, though, so we get an idea on where her scores might fall. We’re probably going to wait until this summer, which I think should still give us plenty of time.
“Intellectual vs. driven” reminds me of an ongoing debate I have with myself now that I’m old enough to reflect on my education and career choices.
Some how, along the way to making money, I’ve overlooked what made me fall in love with my career in the first place and I stayed in it because I loved the money. Well, I got bored as a result and I find that happiness came easier when I was doing my job for the love of it, rather than the love of money. In the same way, some how along the way to preparing my kids for the college rat race, I’ve forgotten what made each of them special. We’re told to choose careers wisely - do what you love and the money will come. Wouldn’t it be great if we similarly told our kids to choose their academic goals – go after what you love and you’ll be rewarded with happiness at a college that is RIGHT FOR YOU. Prestige and college rankings are akin to money. It is temporary, superficial gratification. It is not deep or lasting happiness.
I hope my kids have the wisdom to bypass the prestige rat race and pursue what they love and reap the rewards of learning for the sake of learning, which is going to make them more happy in the long run.
@PragmaticMom, that’s a very good point. I was thinking about something similar today after I wrote about the schools not teaching current events.
I remembered that our HS has an elective in US Government in senior year. I think my daughter will shy away from that course, because Social Studies is her weakest subject. She has the least confidence there, and I think she’ll worry that she’ll get a bad grade. I think I was worried about the same thing, and had decided that I wouldn’t encourage her to take it.
I think I’m going to push her to take that course even if she knows she’ll get a lower grade than normal. It’s really important material to understand.
It’s a shame. These kids are so afraid to take any chances, for fear that they’ll get an A-, or god forbid, a B! But if you stop worrying about going to the top schools, it alleviates a lot of that stress.
Our whole system in this country is very unforgiving of experimentation and failure. I would love to try a bunch of different careers - I mean like 5 other careers! Seriously. But I think there are a lot of people who would frown upon that sort of thing. I can’t really afford to do it, but even if I could, I would probably be hesitant.
On the other hand, I think it really depends on how you carry yourself. I think everyone feels constrained in the same way, and if you have the guts to take chances, there are many people out there who will respect it, and envy you for having the courage to break the rules.
Like you said, it’s a good thing to keep in mind for our kids. They should treat HS and college the same way. Go for what they love and take chances.
@WalknOnEggShells: I did the same for son in encouraging him to take AP U.S. He’s not getting an A. Instead, he’s getting the benefit of one of the best-taught classes at his school: the skills to survey facts, analyze them and arrive at his own conclusions – defend them if asked. This is a much-needed life skill that far outweighs the hit to his GPA.
Yes. ALL of this. I would say my kid has made a couple of risky course selection choices recently, but I’m OK with it, because he’s pursuing what he loves.
@PragmaticMom, we did the same thing with APWH. She was going to take Honors instead, and she almost dropped down to Honors during the first month, because she was getting a B/B+, but now she has her grade up. I’m glad she decided to stick with it. She’d probably have a higher grade in Honors, but I agree that it’s worth it.
@porcupine98, that’s great that he’s taking risks. I’m getting used to the idea, but I was probably the one encouraging my daughter to play it safe earlier on. I’m going to try a whole different approach with my third guy. He’s still in middle school, which is a great place to start taking risks.
Besides the problem with the current admissions game, where the high test scores, AP classes and such that seem to be required to get into the top schools, it also talks about the problem of kids being driven to do well on the stats to get them into the right college, rather than necessarily being people curious about things and such. The one thing I can say about the current admissions process is it does not exactly encourage stretching oneself or seeking out passions. The whole admissions game (and that is what it is, while there is also serendipity in admissions, there are enough known parameters that it can be gamed). It seems like the elite schools are realizing this, that set of numbers don’t make someone a person who thinks, probably far from it.
One of the ironies of this whole process is that many heading for the elite schools do so because they believe that will lead to achievement in business, that they can see themselves as the future Gates, Brin and so forth, but the very method that gets them into that school very well may preclude them from every achieving what they seek. Among other things, entrepeneurship means taking risks, it means going beyond the conventional, and even in corporate america, there have to be people willing to take risks and try things. There is an old joke that those graduating from the Ivy league and the rest often end up reporting to the guy who went to a state school and was, shall we say, less the academic superstar, and while that is obviously a broad brush, there is a lot of truth to it, too.