<p>Focus on intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Values can be explicitly affected by the parent. </p>
<p>Deemphasize things like class rank and GPA in favor of what is interesting in classes, cooperation versus competition. There are many great SAT-optional schools so don’t let him stress over that either.</p>
<p>You, the OP/parent, should work to discourage focus on any one school or type of school. Read Loren Pope’s books on “Beyond the Ivy League” and “Colleges that Change Lives.”</p>
<p>Setting up a choice between Harvard and community college will eventually be harmful. (Is this dichotomy due to financial worries?)</p>
<p>Wait a couple of years to discuss college at all: tell your son to enjoy high school.</p>
<p>Some elite schools have many burned out, jaded or super stressed kids who lived to “get in” and then suffer emptiness once there. The focus on external approval from others, whether parents, professors or employers, continues and never satisfies.</p>
<p>The irony is, that by doing things for more authentic reasons (not taking an AP so as to be able to do music, for instance) seems to help rather than hinder admissions anyway.</p>