‘Fair is not equal’, often repeated by kids 4th grade teacher, but intended for parents.
1 attends top tier school, no merit since meets full need, therefore full pay. We only pay tuition, room and board if the cafeteria is mandated. Jobs and internships pay the rest. Endless opportunities on campus for core education, minors and hospital based research made sense. We already knew that graduate school will be a PHD fully funded program. Brand combined with research and internships seem to boost grad school acceptance. (Merit offers would have been at least between $100 - $150K)
2 also chose ED top tier, no merit meets full need due to caliper of student body, research labs and location. His second choice school gave an EA $130K merit offer. I added paying for the extra semester it would have required to get an MS/BS and a used car starting junior year. He declined knowing that grad school and any more than 4 years for a BS are on him.
3 has chosen not to achieve at the same public HS where siblings flourished. We will not pay full price private tuition for a student unwilling to work. I don't feel guilty and honestly do not see that making any monetary donation to make up the difference is healthy. A free public HS education and a parent funded college education are both gifts to students; why would anyone assume they will take advantage of college without any evidence in high school? Of course there are plenty of schools willing to take $$.