Is it just me . . .

Parent Cafe
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Honesty is great; I don’t need it to be brutal, though. People can disagree, even vigorously, without being condescending or insulting or bitingly sarcastic. This is an articulate bunch.

Though I miss some of the disappeared folks, I’m relieved some are gone. I don’t think these were banned as much for what they said as how they said it. Until the TOS are changed, shouldn’t there be consequences for those who repeatedly ignore them?

FWIW, I read three other discussion boards and all of them have had to ban political discussions.

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@frazzled1 I can see why the times are making discussion boards ban political discussions. I have never remembered people being so far apart and filled with so much hate, ever. I always suspect that it is often those from other countries who have an invested interest in us being at each others throats who are behind it. The more hate and mayhem the better, and the internet is a huge part of this. However, it seems counterproductive to edit and delete any possible hint of politics from a comment, like it’s an obscenity. It’s a big part of our lives, unfortunately. Perhaps it’s just to prevent a conversation from steering in that direction.

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I love to hear differences of opinion. I hate to read pure meanness and put downs.

The two are different. My science lunch table at work shows you can have the former without the latter. No topic was off the table.

When I was at school I loved kids coming up with creative thoughts and expressing their differences. I never allowed meanness or put downs.

I had multiple kids across all levels of academic ability tell me (or H when they saw him) that they loved being in my classes.

I want the same in a message board.

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What word would you be filtering in trying to link to a person’s photo account? Just curious. And confused.

225

It also filters websites, in this case,

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I don’t want a nicey nicey CC as respite from the real world. I find a lot of that superficial. Even patronizing. Telling a kid, eg, to go ahead with his pursuit of a top 10 when he’s flying blind, got no sense of safeties, is clearly confused, etc, may feel good in the moment, but is it helping? Same for the whacked out essay ideas coming up a lot, lately.

Nor do I want CC to be where we come to vent in ugly/attack ways, to release all that energy pent up while we’re being so nice IRL.

But we could look at just how far we’ve looped off track by using the Cafe as a free-for-all/ask anything off the top of your head questions.

When I asked about IRL friends, I didn’t mean general advice and guidance or the sharing that can buoy us and, even in this digital world, bring us closer. I meant, do you ask RL friends some of the survey type questions that appear in the Cafe. I don’t think you do. I think you relate in more relatable ways. More honest ways.

I get that the Cafe is a diversion, on whatever level.

…

Meanness is in the eye of the beholder. We all need to be aware how we fling out the same sorts of things that offend us, that we claim to avoid. Eg, a hint (or overt statement) that if we don’t like certain posts, attitudes, etc, etc, we can just go elsewhere… well, it seems the same as telling the odd kid that she can’t sit at your lunch table. Does happen, even among the “nice patrol.”

And I do believe we should watch out for giving kids or parents college-related advice that’s counter productive, inaccurate, purely anecdotal, or based on what worked for us, 20+ years ago- just to seem “nice” and supportive. Balance is good.

(Btw, IRL, I’m very nice. It’s an easy skill to let others be who they are, help out as we can.)

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IRL we talk politics and covid updates because that’s where life is settling.

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I still don’t get what you mean by this - honest question. All I see that happened is you mentioned there was a lack of college discussion on the Parent Cafe and I (plus others) mentioned it was found everywhere else on CC. The simple solution if someone doesn’t want “pitter patter” non-college talk is to stick with the other places on CC. There’s not a mean thing meant about it. If you read it as mean, quite honestly, you took it wrong.

If we’ve misunderstood you, please help us follow what you really meant.

Otherwise, I agree that letting someone think something that isn’t true is wrong. It’s not nice - it’s actually mean as one can let hopes build up only to fall flat. But being realistic and telling someone their 900 SAT score, 2.5GPA and 65% class ranking with absolutely no story or hooks is a shoo-in for Top50 schools can be done nicely rather than saying something to the effect of, “You idiot! Who do you think you are???” I’ve had to do similar things with less of a hyperbole. I start by saying, “You’re interested in X? Let’s start by pulling up some facts from the school’s website.” I never tell them they can’t apply because I’ve seen strange things happen. But I definitely encourage schools where they fit the profile.

Ditto with the students (or parents) who say, “Well it’s “only” 150K in loans, that’s worth it, right?” We start looking at various facts. They decide at the end. It’s their life and their money.

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@MaineLonghorn when I look at the top of the post you say you edited, it says @skieurope edited it.

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@mathmom, I got distracted (darned work) and @skieurope edited it before I tried.

When I edited it in the 15-minute window, NO name showed up."

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@Creekland I didn’t say a lack of college discussion in the Cafe. I referred to a decline (volume and purpose) in the college focus of collegeconfidential. And the (seems to me) rise in use of the Cafe for that “pitter patter” (good word.)

I have no control over this. But I piped in with my own view. I never found reddit satisfying-- and hope not to see CC become a sort of “reddit lite.” (A friend recently used that expression.)

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I think many (perhaps all?) of us would agree that there’s a bit less in college discussion now and what is there pretty much revolves around Covid 80-90% of the time. Around us many parents and students aren’t quite sure what to do about college right now. They want things to be normal, but they most certainly aren’t.

I think the disconnect came when the OP was talking about Cafe threads (I think). I could be wrong with that - seeing it through my own lens. You were looking at the larger site and I wasn’t.

I’ve never been on Reddit to compare TBH. We have limited data at my house and I tend to save it for things I already know I like or exploring new areas to go.

Regardless, I definitely never meant any of my posts to come off as mean or shoving someone aside. I apologize if how something was worded didn’t come across the way it was thought.

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Of course college type threads are down - the whole college scene - from attending to the social aspect, to application…the entire experience is currently reduced. I’ll bet less seniors are applying, more are considering close to home, gap year or community college until things get figured out. Many didn’t have the move in experience. Students have less questions about the entire college arena and as we all are, are just trying to get a handle on everyday life.

But also for the future survival of this website it would seem to behoove the admin to keep anyone with any interest in the site - student, parent or whoever- attached and participating somehow. I’m not sure the climate here is encouraging people to hang around until life/college/normal routines get normalized again. (or (hate the phrase) “new normal”).

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Bumping up to perhaps keep this discussion alive and make it clear that this wasn’t a passing phase or hot topic of the day last week…it’s STILL an issue, it’s STILL unresolved and unsettled.

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bookmarking this page and will comment soon.

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The AMA Jeff Selingo thread was getting a lot of questions. Isn’t that what CC wants? But now it’s been closed. (Maybe Jeff Selingo didn’t want to answer the kinds of questions he was getting? Why would CC close the kind of thread CC wanted started?

237

So we’ve talked about noting when a post has been edited by a moderator and the encouragement to reach out to that moderator for clarification…how about if your post is simply deleted? We have no idea who did it or why it was done. Can’t correct a mistake - or defend a post - that you don’t know why it was taken down??

I suppose I could post this in the community forum issues spot but do people even look there on a regular basis? I rarely look. I think this is important info for everyone to know when we are talking about appropriate vs inappropriate posting.

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There is invariably a note from the moderator on the thread (as there was on the thread you are referencing) on types of posts to be avoided. A post may be fine, but if it responds to a post that is not, both posts get deleted since the response is pointless out of context.

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I see no “note” on my end. Call me puzzled. On more than one count!

I do appreciate that @skieurope has taken the time to respond and try to clarify.

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Sending a PM because I do not want to derail with OT post about a specific thread.