is it normal for me to feel this way? *depressed*

Colleges & Universities University of California - Berkeley
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<p>It’s helpful knowing that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I would like to thank those who have contributed to this thread, either posting words of optimism and encouragement or just simply sharing their experiences here. I am glad that, in a strange sort of way, we are all in this together. </p>

<p>The pressure to study all the time and to get good grades can be, yes, very stressful, but I’m finding that even when I do ace a midterm or get an A in a class, I’m still not happy. This makes me think that my struggles here are not just about the grades but rather something that runs more emotional or personal. My GPA is nothing to complain about. It’s quite good, actually. But for some reason I feel even more depressed than ever. I suspect that much of it has to do with not liking my major. I think, like a lot of college students today, I feel a very strong disconnect with what I’m studying. This makes it so much harder to motivate myself, but unfortunately there is nothing that I can do about it at this point. It is too late for me to change my major.</p>

<p>I agree that the environment here is very depressing. I came here thinking that I would be able to get over the griminess of Berkeley and get over that really uncomfortable feeling that I get walking around campus, but that hasn’t happened yet and I doubt it ever will. I often wish that I had more time to take BART into San Francisco because that would mean less time spent in Berkeley. This desire to escape has only gotten worse since my first semester here.</p>

<p>As a senior, I can’t bring myself to drop out at this point; but, believe me, if I could transfer to another school and not lose any units in the process, I would do so in a heartbeat. I agree with whoever said on the first page that it feels like this place is sucking the life out of you. It sounds awfully dramatic, yes, but it really feels that way sometimes.</p>

<p>I’ve been lurking in this thread for a while now but finally decided to register and join in on the venting.</p>

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<p>i’m feeling a bit depressed now too. i’m trying to get over it, because in the long run…who really gives a crap about grades? i’m going to enjoy this weekend and play bf 3. but that feeling still lingers in me when i do horrible on a midterm. like today…math 53. now that i look back at it, most of it were silly mistakes. I KNEW MY STUFF. but i got flustered and screwed up like usual. man.</p>

<p>but yeah lol.</p>

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<p>^ are you going to frenkel’s play recital? maybe that would get you extra credit.</p>

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<p>what play recital?</p>

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<p>Frenkel is so handsome</p>

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<p>Thanks @momfirst3. I wasn’t feeling particularly down but your post was an awesome pep talk. Sometimes we get caught up in our losses & need a far-sighted person to reel us back in.</p>

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<p>he didn’t tell you guys in class? [UC</a> Berkeley Events Calendar: Staged Reading of the Play “The Two-Body Problem” by Thomas Farber and Edward Frenkel](<a href=“http://events.berkeley.edu/?event_ID=48752]UC”>Events at UC Berkeley)</p>

<p>i got an email from him and i’m not even his student anymore…</p>

<p>o.O</p>

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<p>momfirst…it’s good to know that parents actually care about what kids are going through, even if it’s not their own. Not sure how some parents can be okay with not doing the same. But whatever, we’re all different. Anyway, life never goes the way we planned perfectly, but we can always try to make our plans happen. And somewhere along the way, we realize things are meant to be the way they happen, so in this situation, I guess i should go for my real passion and this has just led me to that. I know grades to have be straight A’s, but they should be at least Bs! Bs in college are like A’s in high school (assuming you’re not one of those who gets As all the time in college, altho some do).</p>

<p>And, no. I haven’t been giving my classes my all and it’s because I really don’t care anymore. There is no point in me trying to do something that I don’t think I will make it through in. And maybe that’s depression, or maybe it’s me just needing to find a different path (which I’ve done today!) </p>

<p>Ringopuppers…hahaha yes. I’m definitely with you on the whole telling kids on tours not to come here! I see them all the time and I just think…if I was a tour guide, I would probably tell them things that I probably shouldn’t lol. Also, I think it’s somewhat hard to meet people here, but I’ve been okay with the social life that I’ve had. But maybe I’ve just met the right ones so I don’t look for too many more. You should try volunteer clubs, or clubs that do something you love (dance, art, etc), study groups, etc. I met my closest friend at a party who was also in my class, but we aren’t big on drinking and all that. Definitely agree with you on halloween feeling dead though! lol and that people dont want to spend money! LOL this is one thing I kind of hate. I mean I get that it’s a public school and if people were rich, most would choose private or whatever, but honestly, people choose spend their money on dumb things sometimes. For instance, they’d rather throw their money away on something instead of idk just doing something with a friend, like hiring a car and going out for the weekend or something fun. </p>

<p>I have to say though, if you like going to SF, you should go alone if no one else comes. I learned to go alone to places after coming here, because you just have to learn to be comfortable with being on your own and doing what you love. </p>

<p>wow, about the transferring part. I mean it’s good that you’re fixing the situation, and good for you for not caring about what people think and just caring about your own happiness. </p>

<p>sslamas… haha at least for you, it’s just the FIRST wave of midterms and then you get back on track (it seemed like). And you’re right. We ARE lucky to be here and be at this top school after all. It just gets hard to appreciate things when you have so much : P we just become desensitized to it I guess.</p>

<p>minilemon…I completely agree. I took a class that I had been interested in since I was young (also completely diff from my major) and I’m really happy that I did. It made me realize that this is what I want to do later in life. did you not end up taking a semester off then?</p>

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<p>Upmagic…the last part of your post sums it ALL up lol. If you have a goal, then it just makes EVERYTHING better. After coming here, I didn’t really have that goal. It was never…I want to become a doctor, or anything. It was just whatever…I’m here now. But it’s good to hear that you guys had tough times too and prevailed in the end. That’s definitely motivating and makes me want to just make my comeback now. And honestly, I think that these engineering kids will HAVE to learn communication skills sooner or later to get where they want. Even premed students have to learn to communicate properly, because they won’t get called back by med schools if they’re too nerdy and don’t know how to socialize. They may get straight As but that doesn’t guarantee them a way in. So do what your doing.</p>

<p>Teresam…you’re strong for being able to leave even though your social life is good! I don’t know…part of the reason I wanted to go to college was to experience that so I feel like if I left, it would just take away the whole (or part lol) of the point of why I came here. My stories different, so just go with it. But yeah the competitiveness is getting to me a little bit too, although I’ve never felt so relaxed and anxiety-free at times, which is weird because I used to get very anxious over things I could care less about now. Maybe it’s this environment as well. (It’s not because of drugs or anything, I don’t do that).</p>

<p>Lol I still cannot believe this thread has gotten so many posts lol and they’re all so supporting!</p>

<p>IneedFUN…I found that a lot of people would be on their computers when I first came here but I have found friends that aren’t glued to their computers and would rather socialize, so just look for those. </p>

<p>newlostworld…yeah, I started to feel like I was no longer living. I’ve heard that expression “I feel dead.” And i remember thinking…wth does THAT mean? Why would someone say that? But now I get it. For a while, it just felt like my life was gone. </p>

<p>Anyway, I just wasted an hour lol or “used it wisely” whatever you would like to take it as, but it seems like most people hate what they’re studying lol I’ve chosen a different path for sure in these last few days and made it kind of official. I just wonder…do these kids who GET good grades in their major classes, do they REALLY love what they’re studying or are they just able to make it through?</p>

<p>Btw, do your guys’ parents look at your grades? And if they do or don’t, are they paying for your tuition?</p>

<p>I just realized…I/We might scare away a bunch of potential Berkeley students lol</p>

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<p>Wow, there’s a lot of wisdom here. I just want to add a couple of quick things. (Ok, maybe not so quick.) First, to anyone who’s really feeling depressed, go to Tang, & go now. It might seem scary at first, but they are super nice & will understand & support you - that’s their job & they do it every day. Just drop in, top floor I think, & tell them. Honestly. Also, if you want to change majors don’t assume it’s impossible, go ask a major advisor first. You never know, it might look better than you think. It’s obvious from these posts that none of you is alone, but don’t forget it! Plenty of posing & extraneous competition going on out there, but it’s not real, and it’s not really important. What’s really & truly important is you, and how you’re doing at the moment. It’s a big campus, but there are people out there who do care about you. You can find those people, they actually exist. Keep in mind that the qualities that got you into Cal will always hold you in good stead, all your life. Once at Cal it’s really common to feel disappointed in your grades & therefore in yourself. It’s part of the painful process of growing up, and seeing the world more clearly as it is. But it’s not the same as failing! You’re very probably doing better than you think you are, and you can do better than you might now imagine. If you’re not satisfied with your grades, try going after what you need to know to do better. See your professors & ask for help. It’s not weird, it’s what the better students do all the time. Some professors will be more helpful than others, they’re human too, but give them a try. At the least you will usually get a lot of credit for trying. At best you will learn a whole lot more than you thought possible. And at most, you may create relationships that will help you feel comfortable asking for letters of recommendation when you graduate. It’s a truism, but you cannot do this all on your own. It’s not the University of Cal Berkeley, it’s the University of You. So go out and get the information/skills/experience that you need. And, finally, if you really need to take some time off, that’s ok, it’s not uncommon, and once a Bear, always a Bear.</p>

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<p>Berklebear - You made my day. That’s exactly what I wanted you to do. I wanted you to think about what path you had chosen and decide if that was still what you wanted. If you decided it wasn’t, then I wanted you to change directions and keep on keeping on. Good for you to take control of your life! You always have choices. :-)</p>

<p>As for parents caring, I think most do but some may not realize how to talk to their kids. For whatever reason, I have always been able to relate well to kids of any age. The talks at my kitchen table are legendary (haha) and many a kid has sat and asked for advice there. I am happy to be a substitute parent but if possible, talk to your own. You may be surprised at what you find. When a child is hurting and needs direction, most if not all parents will be there.</p>

<p>I would like you to be honest about how you are feeling. If you are tired all the time without a reason, crying a lot, unable to get going, short tempered, or feel like you can’t cope you may be clinically depressed. Do not mess around with that. If you feel that way, go get some help. You don’t always need to take antidepressants. Sometimes you just need some talk therapy. I have found exercise is good for this. Go out and take a brisk walk or jog for 30 minutes a day. It really helps you clear your head.</p>

<p>Okay, I’m off to work. Hang in there and if you need anything, let me know.</p>

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<p>Thanks. Yeah, that’s true. I guess some parents are better at it then others. It seems like my parents missed out on a part of their childhood so they’re reliving it now, which doesn’t help me lol but I mean…we all grow up at our own pace. And it has just helped me learn about how I want my kids to grow up and the things that I would like to do for them. It’s all a learning experience.</p>

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<p>Spring: Semester off or take less/easy fun courses?</p>

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<p>My vote - less/different types of classes. Take things you like. Things you are really interested in pursuing and see what happens.</p>

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<p>Yeah, that sounds the most practical. Thanks</p>