Both of my kids are introverts, and they are completely different from each other. D is introverted but incredibly driven. As a result, she did what she needed to do so that she was competitive for top schools. She attended a top school. S is introverted but not driven, and he has anxiety issues. He didn’t have any traditional ECs, although he did highlight his involvement in metal music (playing, composing, producing). He got into several good schools, but he was waitlisted at our state flagship.
I am introverted, as are three of my four brothers … and each of us is very different from the others. Being introverted is simply one facet of our personalities.
Averagely gifted parent here who is extroverted. Reconciled being with my academic peers (honors chem) who were introverted and not into crowd scenes for the intellectual (hey- we solved the world’s problems and other insignificant stuff by talking into the night, nothing real-gotta love being young).
Fast forward. Was on a parent committee for gifted education, district had some Saturday seminar dates for parents and teachers. They also had some summer programs, one son did in middle school about leadership involved leadership not just being the club president et al. There are many ways to be a leader in other words as others have stated (eg by example). One seminar talk on GT stated that while 75% of the population may be extroverted 75% of the highly gifted are introverted.
Think about it- the college population is where the gifted are likely to be and the best students are more likely to be introversts. So- extrapolate- your child will perhaps (finally) find her peer group. Being introverted does not mean being antisocial or on the spectrum either (can be both as above). Gifted, introverted son was in orchestra, various academic teams and a huge, typically state meet runner cross country team. He spent time with the CC guys with a quiet social life.
Message. Do not worry about your child’s introversion/extroversion aspect of personality. Do not try to be what you are not. There is room in this world for many types. Do EC’s for fun, not the resume.
Colleges are not looking for cookie cutter kids or a campus full of “leaders”. They are looking for students with a purpose and focus. Grades, essays and recs probably most important. Then I would say fit and connection to the school. Lehigh looks for demonstrated interest, so make sure you visit and interview.
Connect your “Why” essays to the school/ major and if that is compelling…the EC’s won’t matter as much.
Cornell has school specific essays, and they would prefer focus rather than “well rounded” with tons of activities.
I’m just going to throw in my own 2 cents. The higher the tier, the more you need to maximize your own efforts. That’s not picking the easiest, nor the hardest. Or something else because it’s got "tutor " in front. (It means a lot more in hs.) Sometimes, I wonder, as detached as some get, why are they even picking those things?
D1 was extroverted. Guess how many clubs? None unless you count various comm service. But she went out and sweat for that. She gave a hoot. It spoke for itself.
Extroverts often find self-promotion easier, and it’s important in many situations. But it’s also important to have folks who listen and who only speak to advance the conversation. They don’t have to lead from their quiet, just lead full and meaningful lives from it.
With that said, the common app essay can be important for quieter kids. They can tell who they are in their quiet, even if others don’t know them enough to say.
Another vote for the book Quiet.
Remember that high school isn’t life. There are many more ways to succeed, especially socially, than may be apparent in that environment. In most of the world, you can live quite happily outside the dominant culture. In high school, less so. Iow, many kids really blossom when they are transplanted to a different garden.
Yes, I’d say being extroverted is an advantage for college admissions simply because the high school system favors extroversion. Outgoing kids are more easily noticed by teachers, which leads to being chosen for opportunities, as well as getting better rec letters and even just getting first dibs at rec letters from the teachers they prefer. Obviously, extroverted students can more easily acquire the traditional high school leadership positions like club officer, drum major, and team captain that do require some peer popularity.
What I’d recommend for introverts is to pursue their interests outside the high school setting. In the adult world, showing up reliably and on time and working hard is far more important than being cute and funny. Not getting pulled into the normal high school leadership roles can become an advantage if that pushes the introvert to find more unusual ways to be involved.
“ working hard is far more important than being cute and funny”…,you’re making assumptions about extroverts.
My introverted son did gain leadership positions by going out of his comfort zone and trying things he was interested in. Quiet and very driven we often discussed ways for him to put himself out there because it is important to work on these skills and not just say things like it’s a popularity contest- that to me is cop out excuse.
“Outgoing kids are more easily noticed by teachers, which leads to being chosen for opportunities, as well as getting better rec letters and even just getting first dibs at rec letters from the teachers they prefer.”
I don’t think this is necessarily true, the OP said her daughter participates in class, is a good student, and is in clubs, and not even sure colleges think it terms of extrovert/introvert.
In general, society has rewarded extroversion but I don’t think college admissions necessarily do so. This has changed with the importance of tech in the economy – there are legions of stories about brilliant but socially inept techies who have done really well. But I have a few more specific comments.
First, a lot of leadership positions are just fluff and interviewers like me and adcom members see through them.
Second, my perception is that many (though not doubt not all) top schools end up selecting kids with no weaknesses who are exceptional at one thing. That exceptionality could entail a leadership position, but being a world class game designer or an author or a brilliant viola player or placing on the Putnam exam (one of my sons HS friends did) will do it. Adcoms want a story to tell when they describe the class they admitted. Note they don’t say what I’ve described but if someone shows a weakness, they can easily find another applicant who otherwise looks similar but does not have that weakness and will choose the second person over the first.
As an example, ShawSon was/is gifted in strategy. He took up Moot Court and did extremely well by focusing on the strategy of argumentation. He was partially home-schooled and studied game theory as part of his curriculum (advanced math for a high schooler) and also took a course on European board games. He designed his own Euro-style game and created a HS club on games of strategy so that he and his friends could play and test out games (leadership, but fluff leadership of the kind people see through) and also was involved in debate through some other activity. As a package, this story was distinctive and showed some real motivation and talent.
Third, one of ShawSon’s friends in college was an extremely bright, seriously Aspergers-y kid who did no extracurriculars in HS and in college but did exceedingly well in class. No extracurriculars at all but very, very bright (and pretty socially awkward). He got into great undergraduate schools, had the highest GPA in his graduating college class, was admitted to great PhD programs later. There are a lot of jobs he might not be good at, but he is likely to be a professor.