I know one person who wouldn’t think that “vivacious” was a compliment to describe a female lawyer: the old-timey industry-captain client at my former firm’s holiday party, who gave a full-throttled toast to the women lawyers at the firm, whom he referred to admiringly as a “bunch of brassy broads.” He meant it as a compliment. I kid you not.
@oldfort I agree with you in general and I don’t know your work background and experiences but in my experience when you spend decades working in a male dominated industry and are subject to many instances both blatant and hidden sexism and discrimination, things can start to rankle especially when one’s means of earning a living is tied to such an environment.
LOL so since he was a big client which one of the “brassy broads” was charged with telling him it was inappropriate?
I “grew up” on the trading floor and now I am often the only female at the table. I have never given up my femininity. I always dressed stylishly. When my male colleagues talked about their sports weekend, I shared with them my spa weekend or girls’ night out. But I could be just as much of an hard ass as them.
I think folks would describe me as vivacious. I don’t find it offensive in the least.
Well, we “grew up” in similar environments then. Of course one doesn’t need to give up femininity or style nor does that prevent one from being a hard ass but I’d still argue it shouldn’t factor into the workplace. Given your career context, however, I’m sure you seen/heard sexism even if it wasn’t directed to you personally.
I don’t think anyone is saying the word itself is offensive; it is the context. Professional introductions generally focus on professional credentials and accomplishments, not personal qualities. And “offensive” is too strong of a word. Mildly irritating when used in a professional introduction would be a better way of describing it.
I do think too many women think they need to be treated or act like men to feel they are of their equal. I for one believe we can maintain our femininity and still be competitive at the work place.
I definitely agree that women can maintain their feminity and still be successful at work.
I think there is a difference between maintaining one’s feminity and remaining competitive in the workplace and having it be commented on or alluded to. Same goes for guys, too. It’s not okay to comment on their appearance or masculinity or lack thereof either, IMO.
The OP asked if CC folk could construe it as being offensive. Although most of us wouldn’t get up in arms about it, some of us do see how the descriptor of vivacious could be offensive to some in a professional setting.
At this point, I guess the question could be, so how does one deal with it if you are in the young man’s shoes? From my point of view, the only response I could think of would be to say something along the lines of “I apologize for my choice of words upsetting you. I did not mean them in that way and it wasn’t my intent. I’ll be more careful with my word choice in the future” and then move on.
I think a reasonable response would be something as simple as, “Oh wow, I had no idea that wasn’t appropriate. So sorry; I’ll be more careful going forward. Thanks for giving me a head’s up; I appreciate the feedback.”
I would never refer to a professional woman I was introducing as “vivacious.” The word suggests female sexual appeal, and is indeed beyond sexist. I say this as someone who is quite conservative, and often pooh-poohs various complaints about language.
“Vivacious” carries an undertone of beauty or sexual attractiveness. I think it’s inappropriate for the workplace. “Dynamic” is better.
We’re talking about business settings. There’s a difference between expecting to be treated like professional businesswomen and wanting to be treated, or act, like men.
Upthread someone mentioned telling female coworkers they “look nice” when they’re dressier than usual. When male coworkers compliment us on what we’re wearing it undermines us as businesswomen. It isn’t a social situation and noticing how we look and commenting on it changes the power dynamic. Men who want me to take them seriously as businessmen compliment the work I do, not how I dress.
When I learned the word vivacious, as a seven or eight year old boy, I took it to mean sexy, exciting, and perhaps a little naughty. I’m sure I’ve never used the word as an adult. I would think it odd to hear in a professional setting. But that’s the eight year old me.
Where do y’all get the sexy/naughty connotation from? I’ve never heard of that.
I have never, ever heard it used in that way.
Ok, so in that Merriam Webster definition, where are the sexy/naughty bits???
“Lively, ebullient, animated, high-spirited, vibrant, exuberant…all synonyms I can think of off the top of my head.”
That’s how I think of it too. The attractiveness inherent is by virtue of being lively and interesting. I don’t know if people IRL would describe me that way (I think I’m more low-key than this description) but I wouldn’t mind and I think everyone needs to stop looking for ways to be offended.
If it’s a microaggression, then a micro reaction is in order.
Interestingly my son has only heard the word used to described things - like a vivacious discussion, or trying to create a more vivacious downtown.
I’m in the mildly sexist camp. I think words do matter, and that we should make an effort to treat people equally and that includes the words we use to describe them or whether we describe them at all.