<p>I know your son is disappointed to be on a wait list. I bet he has always succeeded in whatever tasks he aims for, so the news about and reaction to Stanford’s decision isn’t a surprise, especially since there’s nothing to lose (other than a few sleepless nights and the wish of “what if”?) I actually thought your son seemed much more fitting for CalTech than Stanford anyway. I say take that acceptance and then he should go ahead and REJECT Stanford’s offer!</p>
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<p>Are you sure that’s true? Because I’ve read on here that the list is balanced in much the same way the class is balanced. So if a “science nerdy” type decides not to go to Stanford it is more likely thay would pull a “scinece nerdy” type off the list.</p>
<p>Not sure this is true, just what I read on CC. “Merit” is such a dicey term at this level anyway.</p>
<p>D is a freshman at Stanford. Two of her very good friends came off the waitlist- one in July and one in early August.</p>
<p>I would advise a visit Stanford if he wants to remain on the waitlist. The visit should either confirm that it is the place for him or that Caltech is the place. The campuses are nothing alike. Our D refused to apply to Caltech after visiting-different strokes for different folks.</p>
<p>Best of luck.</p>
<p>If it were my kid and his temperment, I’d say stay on if you want but don’t invest anymore mental energy into it. But this is what I’m reacting to:</p>
<p>“My son really does not know what to do and still getting over his hurt, hopefully he will be less emotional today.”</p>
<p>If he really is so emotional about it, why prolong that agony? As a compromise, I like the idea of commiting to a certain date. But, if he revisits Caltech, while pining away for Stanford, even if he doesn’t think he really wants it, then he might find reasons to say Caltech is now less than ideal. The whole grass is always greener, you want what you can’t have thing. That’s why I advised, in your case, to cut the cord. Revisit Caltech just to make sure he still loves it and be as enthusiastic as humanly possible</p>
<p>Caltech and Stanford are so different I can’t imagine not having a clear favorite between the two. Is it possible to visit Stanford now? Our family all loves Caltech and don’t really care for Stanford. Personally, I think that if he loved Caltech, that’s probably the place for him. If he’s a quirky, science nerd kind of guy he should be very happy there. You can’t get a better science education than what they provide. The LA area is a great place to spend a few years - easy access to mountains, deserts and the beach. My husband was a grad student there, and I loved Pasadena.</p>
<p>I agree with Ma Mazewanderer (“Take the plunge, accept Caltech, reject the wait list and do not look back.”) This is a good lesson in facing up to the inevitable disappointments in life. As disappointments go, this is not even a big one. CalTech was his first choice, for Pete’s sake! It is arguably the most selective college in the country in terms of sheer intellectual ability. Congratulations!</p>
<p>I would NOT visit Stanford at this point. Yes, he could learn that it isn’t all that, and happily venture off to Cal Tech. But he might instead decide that it is his dream school. Either way, he’s still on the wait list.</p>
<p>D didn’t want any part of wait lists. I didn’t see any problem in sending in the little form they asked for, but I understood that she’d moved on. I’d encourage the OP’s son to decide whether or not to stay on the waitlist, and then proceed to do all of the cool things associated with going to Cal Tech. If he gets a call during the summer, then he’s got a choice, and he’ll have a decision to make.</p>
<p>Congrats on Caltech!</p>
<p>Caltech is definitely not an inferior choice to Stanford, but they are two very very different schools.</p>
<p>I think if your son prefers Stanford for its size, vibe, course offerings, etc., he should stay on the waitlist (he obviously has what it takes to get in - now it is just a matter of luck…)</p>
<p>If he prefers Caltech, I’d go for it, and never look back.</p>
<p>It is hard for me to think of a person who’d like both schools equally, but if he is one - it’s a tough call!</p>
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<p>I’ve not heard this specific take, but the point is if he was on the bubble, he’d be one of the first off the list, no? There are probably not an infinite number of “types,” so if even 50 are taken from the list, his “type” should come up at a fairly early point, if he’s an attractive candidate to Stanford.</p>
<p>If two or three weeks rolled by and he was still waitlisted, then I would probably think his chances had diminished enough to no longer consider staying on the list an as option. This is what I would do, but I can certainly understand those who would just accept the Cal Tech offer and move on. It’s a tough call.</p>
<p>Re-reading… If S’s first-choice is Cal Tech, then there’s no reason outside of bruised ego to go on Stanford’s W/L. </p>
<p>I agree with those who say that they are two very different schools, with Cal Tech being close to sui generis. If I had my druthers, I’d be more of MIT/Stanford type myself but I understand the mind-set and temperament of those for whom Cal-Tech is clearly superior…the old notion of “fit.”</p>
<p>Both DDs decided to ditch their waitlist schools from the start, despite those being their top choices. They are very happy at their current schools and have not looked back. And it’s not like CalTech is a safety! 
Congrats on the acceptances received.</p>
<p>Schools will not go to their waitlist until after May 1.</p>
<p>Since the son hasn’t visited Stanford since middle school and hasn’t visited CalTech within the last two years, it makes sense to me to accept a place on Stanford’s waiting list and then just mentally set it aside. If he gets in I’d visit at that time and decide which school he prefers. I think the upcoming visit to CalTech will help him to not stress out over being on Stanford’s waitlist.</p>
<p>My son was waitlisted by Stanford two years ago and ultimately did not get in. He had no trouble following this strategy.</p>
<p>if your S prefers caltech to stanford, then he should not remain on the stanford waitlist. why bother? however if he is not sure where he stands yet he should maybe visit stanford (if you can afford it), as the above poster suggests.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your inputs: It is a very tough call as many of you have mentioned. I think there is also an element of peer pressure, in the mind of most HS students Stanford has the cache that CalTech may not. We have tried to explain that it is a school that he needs to like, not his friends and I think he gets it a one level though his friends may feel that he should still try for Stanford. I actually made him read an excellent essay by Emily Perl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland (even though it is in a different context, I think the message is the same)</p>
<p>[Welcome</a> to Holland](<a href=“http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html]Welcome”>http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html)</p>
<p>After discussions, we have made some decisions:
- There is no point in visiting Stanford at this stage. We think that the negative effects mentioned by arabarb i.e. deciding he likes it a lot and then being upset if he does not get in, will not be productive. We would rather visit only if we need to make a decision. As pointed out his status will not change by visiting, and possibly increase the level of regret.</p>
<p>2) He should try and start getting involved in the CalTech accepted students facebook like group and try to connect with some other accepted students. We hope that will help him be more comfortable.</p>
<p>3) We have also suggested that he contact some faculty whose names we have obtained so that he can understand some of the reserach that goes on. The objective is to get him a point where he understands that CalTech is in no way inferior to Stanford and that he will have all the opportunities he wants. </p>
<p>One concern of his is if the career opportunities and placements will be better at Stanford. I have tried to tell him that no one can predict what will happen 4 years from now and that CalTech students get good jobs and placements even though CalTech may not place as much emphasis on career advising as Stanford, being a much smaller school. That he should not make decisions based on the perceived strength of the school’s network.</p>
<p>4) We will go to the pre-forsh weekend. At the end of the pre-frosh weekend he will let us know if he wants to go on to the W/L. If he does, we will have drop dead date at which point he will withdraw his name if there is no response. Also, that he should mentally condition himself for the worst case scenario and have no regrets.</p>
<p>We want him to be comfortable with his decision and not feel that he was railroaded into a decision. On the other hand he has to learn that Life does not always give him the easy choices. </p>
<p>Any thoughts, comments or suggestions?</p>
<p>^^^
It sounds like a very sensible plan to me.</p>
<p>I guess I must be out of it (well, I know I am). I really think Caltech has a reputation of being for really, really smart people - just like MIT, Harvard, and Stanford.</p>
<p>I mean, if your worst case scenario is attending Caltech, that’s a pretty good place to be.</p>
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<p>Well put!</p>
<p>My D fell in love with a school that she got into EA. She got waitlisted from one of her reach schools, one she probably would have turned down anyway. She rejected the waitlist so hard that she begged me to go to the post office so that her reply card rejecting a place on the waitlist would be the first one that arrived back in the admissions office. This was all done with good humor!</p>
<p>This is the time of year to love the school that you’re going to. In your case, we’re talking about CalTech, his first choice! The correct response is </p>
<p>“Screw you Stanford, I would have rejected you anyway!”</p>
<p>The goal of the College Admissions process is to be both happy and DONE!</p>
<p>^^ Agreed Bovertine.</p>
<p>I think he should buy the CalTech sweatshirt and forget all about Stanford.</p>
<p>My niece’s first choice was William and Mary, where she was waitlisted. She accepted a place at U Va, but remained on the waiting list for William and Mary. She got off the waiting list two weeks before she was to leave for U Va, and then there was a huge huge drama about which school she would go to. She had already registered for classes, she had a roommate, everything. After much agonizing, she decided to stay with U Va. She loved her four years there, graduated last spring and got a good job. In retrospect, she shouldn’t have stayed on the waiting list at William and Mary; it did no one any good.</p>
<p>If the OP’s son’s friends think Stanford has more cachet than CalTech, they don’t know as much as they think they do (but hey, they’re 17 years old). In math and science fields, everyone knows that CalTech only takes the best, smartest kids.</p>
<p>Cardinal Fang,</p>
<p>For every story like this there is an opposite one. I know at least 2 kids (2 different years) from my kids’ HS who were waitlisted at Stanford, and accepted at Duke. They bought Duke sweatshirts, joined FB groups, etc. Then they got a call from Stanford. I don’t know if they had any drama associated with their decisions, but both ended up going to Stanford, both since then graduated, and both are doing very well, as far as I know.</p>
<p>Maybe after visiting CalTech OP’s son will decide to get off the waitlist. Maybe he will decide on Caltech regardless. But unless he prefers Caltech, I can see why he does not want to close the door on Stanford yet.</p>