I don’t know why one would think that it implies there is hope. I don’t see that at all.
I think there was a song called “When the phone doesn’t ring, that’s me not calling.” Lol.
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think that my problem with the "It's not you, it's me" line is that it implies that there is hope. <<<
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Interesting. I think I can see that. The person thinks, “oh, once you work on your issue, things can get back on track.”
One thing that has always stood out when observing various people’s break-ups…Often one person will say something like, “I’m not interested (or ready) for a serious relationship.” …but then a few months later we’ll often hear that this same person is either in a serious relationship or even engaged. Obviously, it took the “right person” to convince them that they really do want a serious relationship…it just has to be with the right person.
Same comment " I just want to be friend" is another way of saying I don’t plan to get romantic with you buddy. All these are real code words that people use so frequently.
Nothing more needs to be said.
Sometimes, yes. I broke up with my wife several times during our courtship, and the last couple of times it was definitely because of me and not because of her. I knew just about everything about her, and while I had some concerns I had come to realize that I was really in love with her and that I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in South Texas of finding someone else like her… and that kinda scared the carp out of me! I was all of 22 and the idea of being in that deep freaked me out. It was nothing about her, it was all me.
Well, that sort of brings us back around to whether “it’s not you, it’s me” leaves room for the other person to wait around and hope they figure it out.
And that is a real risk. In my case, my future wife gave up on me, moved on, and started dating another guy. But shared commitments kept us close*, and two years later we got back together, both us of much wiser and aware of what we wanted. We were married less than two years after getting back together, have been since!
*: I call this period of my life “my own special slice of hell”…
Post #66, this is why I think it’s important to move on. If it means to be, the guy will realize it soon enough, but if your future wife was clingy, you might not realize it sooner.
cosmicfish, I guess sometimes we have to go through those sometimes to make us appreciate what we really have. I’m so glad it worked out for you!