First, I’ll add my voice to those who are telling you that what you are feeling is normal. You are about to make huge changes in your life, and it’s normal to be worries about things not working out.
My recommendation is that you let yourself have a minor freak out about all this. Acknowledge that these are normal worries and they are 100% legitimate. Then you can read some of what I wrote and what other people wrote.
It’s OK to be worried, however, once you’re ready, here are some facts which hopefully will help mitigate your worries.
I’ll start with - here’s a secret - the vast majority of college graduates are happy with their college experience.
You can always transfer. Second, you can always change your major. You can choose whether to party or not, and, if you made friends in high school, you can make friends in college.
I know that it feels like you have to decide everything early. However, it is not true. There is no “on time” for med school - it’s an 18 year process until you finish you specialization, and believe me, a year or two here or there will not make a difference. Moreover, while most med students are bio majors, a significant number are from majors like English, engineering, etc. So not only did these people not start getting ready in high school, they only made the decision after they graduated from college.
As for engineering. It’s not that you have to start early. It’s that engineering is really heavy on math and most kids who end up as engineering majors, and graduate as engineering majors, are also very much into this type of math. The great majority of high schools fast track students who demonstrate that type of interest and skill in math, as well. They haven’t started early - the high school responded to their math talents and skills.
Nonetheless, there are many great engineering programs at colleges at which students are not accepted directly to engineering. AT these colleges, a student really can start preparing for their engineering studies after they start college.
Much of what is perceived as “you have to start early to be able to do X” is simply the result of kids who have interests and skills in specific fields showing interest in them in high school. Kids who figure out later than that can still end up in the carre that they choose later.
For example, a kid of very good friends started college without knowing what he wanted to do. He only applied to the flagship, and started as a chem major, just because of some vague notion. Long story short, he just finished his PhD in Wildlife Management. He didn’t start a wildlife club in high school, he wasn’t even a bio major, in fact, he only started taking courses in environmental sciences as a junior in college.
So you really don’t have to start anything early.
SInce being a mom generally requires a partner, and I tend to advise people not to raise kids unless they have a partner (who does not have to be the biological parent of the kid), that just means that you need a partner who is willing to do their share. I know a good number of women with great careers and with kids.
This is not a career thing, this is something that you need to internalize - you deserve a partner who will do their share in child rearing. This should be the bare minimum for anybody who wants to have a kid, especially if they are not the person who is getting pregnant. Don’t ever settle for less.
In all honesty, my advice is “never take out loans for grad school”. Simply do not do it. If you want to go to grad school in a field where this is almost required (like law or medicine), take some time to work closely to the field and to see up close what it looks like. Most professions have the opportunity to shadow a professional or to do an internship. That way you’ll know whether you’ll enjoy a career.
Even at the same college, taking those advanced high school classes and having a high GPA will mean that your own experience will be different than theirs.
While they will be taking simple intro courses, you will be taking the really interesting courses with small classrooms and personal interaction with faculty. While they are taking remedial summer courses, you will be doing paid internships which triples or more your chances for a well-paying job post-college, as well as gives you a good chunk of money. You will be getting letters of recommendation, tips, and advice, while they are busy partying and doing the minimum.
That is not even mentioning that, at a large flagship, an applicant with a high GPA and great accomplishments is likely to be in the honors program, with even more opportunities (and very often better dorms).
Finally, the most important things that a high school student learns, when they are a 4.0 students with great ECs, are how to study, how to put effort into things, and time management. Those will help you for the rest of your life, long after anybody even cares where you attended college.