Ok…I had one kid at Santa Clara and one at Boston University…and very often the reply they got when they told someone their college was “why are you going to a public university out of state?”
JHU: “Oh, John Hopkins, so he’s going into medicine?”
We’ve stopped answering if at all possible…it’s awkward when we get the congratulations. Ummm, they did the actual work to get in.
And two of ours are/were at service academies. Don’t even get me started on the “why isn’t he going to college?” Or, “huh, I thought he was looking for a more academic school.” Lol.
I forgot about the “She must be smart” rejoinder. My follow up is something like, "Smarter than me, lemme tell ya."For some reason that stops people cold, which I don’t understand. Do people not like to admit that their children might be smarter than they are? I sort of take pride in it.
“She must be smart”… I just say, “At some things.” And think about times like today, when we went on a hike after it rained. I had to say, “Let’s try not to get muddy” as she headed toward a big gooey puddle, not wearing boots. Her response, “Really?!?” in an aggrieved and disappointed tone. She is 20…
WasatchWriter, like that! Like all of the retorts. Thanks for the great ideas!
For those at schools others don’t recognize right away, the reason is usually because the person you’re talking to does not know that much about universities. That’s true unless you are talking about some schools in PA or Ohio. Someone had a sense of humor. Come on! We Americans are geographically challenged already so what’s with the Miami University of Ohio? Wash U of St. Louis is well enough known to not confuse people but come on…Indiana U of Pa?
@Corinthian , @intparent - I live in So Cal and I still run into plenty of people who don’t know where Claremont is or any of the schools! (Geographically, if I mention Pomona or “where the 10 and 57 meet” they’ll know, but they still don’t know the schools)
To be honest, I probably would have given the same blank look myself a few years ago…
Yeah, I would have given plenty of blank stares before I got into this as well, though I always tried to express interest and curiosity rather than total obliviousness. So I’m sympathetic to the blank stares from anyone not in the thick of the search.
At this point in the process I just set it up for my kid by saying we’ve looked at a range of schools, and that he likes a bunch of places “nobody around here has ever heard of,” and then people are sort of pleasantly surprised when they can recognize a name, and less afraid to ask more.
And having gone to a school with high name recognition myself, that was a pain too, because it came with a whole mess of assumptions that I hated having to deflect. It’s easier now that we’re older and wiser and nobody really cares what you did decades ago, though people do still ask.
People mean well. It’s just awkward. Especially right about now.
The University of the Arts
–“Oh, how cool!”
–“That’s in a great area! It must be fun to be there.”
–an excited for D “Of course!” (Even though the person probably doesn’t know anything about UArts, it has “arts” in the name, and he/she knows that D has been heavily involved in theatre since she was 5.)
–A couple of people have assumed it’s an arts school in which one doesn’t really get a degree or take gen eds. No, it actually is a university; D will graduate with a BFA.
My son is a senior this year,so he’s in the middle of the application process and has not committed to a particular school yet. The standard question I get is “Why didn’t he apply to any out of state schools?” Or if I mention one of his top choices , I usually get" You know that’s a party school, don’t you? Aren’t you concerned?" It’s been all I can do not to answer with" Really ? Maybe that’s why he’s only asked for a lampshade , flask, and toga for graduation."
My older son graduated from McGill University. When he was in school I was asked at a party where my son went to school:
McGill University
Where’s that?
Montreal
Where’s that?
Up north (time to smile and nod)
Particularly sad because he was a public high school guidance counselor in Massachusetts.
West Point:
“Oh, you must be so proud of him.”
(Yes, but for reasons that have nothing to do with the military.)
“Please, thank him for his service.”
(He isn’t serving, he’s going to school. Cadets hate that “thank you for your service” thing. Off post, ours won’t wear anything with Army or WP on it to avoid that comment.)
“You spent all that money on boarding school and he went military? Did the funds run out?”
(Sigh. Really?)
Three years ago, my knowledge of colleges was limited to a universe of maybe 20 universities and colleges. these were the ones I and/or my family members attended and ones I visited for grad school. I even didn’t know much about my instate public schools.
I’m not surprised people haven’t heard of my child’s college. I never knew about it until 18 months ago so I’m more than happy to describe it to others.
@intparent @ClaremontMom D was at Trader Joe’s this morning wearing her Pomona sweatshirt. She was approached by an excited “old man” (probably means he was in his fifties) who said his niece is a freshman at Pomona and she lives in Wig. He of course asked if she knew the niece (she didn’t). Anyway it was nice to encounter a glimmer of recognition!
Wow, @ChoatieMom, that’s hard to believe! The son of a friend of mine desperately wanted to go to West Point, but couldn’t get in. He is now a freshman at Harvard. True story. I can’t imagine anyone not knowing how difficult it is to get into the military academies or thinking that it is settling.
My son goes to Oberlin. We live in the Boston area. Two reactions: “Oh, what instrument does he play?” (He is a musician, but is at the College of Arts and Science, not the conservatory.) and “Huh. Where is that, again?” I am tempted to answer. “Ohio. It’s in the northwest corner of Siberia.” Because no one in New England has heard of any liberal arts college that is not actually in New England.
@NoVADad99, we live in MA and are very familiar with Olin. I tried to get my kids to apply there, but neither was interested in engineering. In about 10-15 years, when the earliest graduates of Olin are winning Nobel prizes, you won’t get the blank stares anymore.
My son is a sophomore at Yale. (Great kid, great good luck!)
One Scout Dad asked “Is it Yale or Harvard that has the obnoxious stuck-up kids? My dad didn’t know any better, he told me I was going to ___, and that was it.”
Me: Apparently your dad wasn’t the only person who didn’t know better, My dad went to Harvard, my son is going to Yale.
Eldest: SUNY Buffalo, full ride
*Oh, I guess she didn’t get into the UC’s???/i.
Middle child: UC Davis
*Where’s that? Is that in California??/i
*Why there?/i.
You know she could have gone into the service and become a vet later.
Youngest: Caltech
*Did he not get into a community college? Those vocational schools can be expensive./i.
Well, maybe he can get into a better school after he’s done.
aunt bea, I would think Caltech would be another one that would elicit"He/she must be smart".