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</p>
<p>Hm, maybe someone should remind them people fly to NYU from SINGAPORE, that is, a 19 hour flight. Watch their heads explode at the very notion.</p>
<p>When it was public that my brother would be attending Brown, my neighbors said, “I’m sorry he didn’t get into an Ivy.”
And my grandfather’s friends (all proud Yale alumi) mentioned something along the lines of, “A pity he won’t be getting a decent education.” But to them, HYP are the only ‘decent education’ you can get.</p>
<p>My sister: “So, what school is (my daughter) going to next year?”</p>
<p>Me: “She is looking at several, particularly likes UVA, UNC, Yale, Cornell and BC.”</p>
<p>My sister: “Oh, (her granddaughter) is going to BC, maybe she could stay with them.”</p>
<p>Me: “(My daughter) is looking at Boston College, not Broward (Community) College.”</p>
<p>My sister: “Oh. What’s wrong with Broward (Community) College?”</p>
<p>Me: “Nothing at all. But (my daughter) doesn’t want to go to community college. Plus, she really wants to go out of state.”</p>
<p>My sister: “Oh. You should make her go to community college. It’s too expensive to go away for school. Lots of successful people went to community college or didn’t go to college at all. Why does she have to go away to school?”</p>
<p>Smile and nod…smile and nod</p>
<p>S is at Eastman. Most music people we meet know and understand. But my “smile & nod” capacities are tested when in response to my answer about where S goes and what he studies, I get back “Oh, my S/D wasn’t a music major but was 1st alto/clarinet/trumpet/drum major in the marching band at XYZ regional state U.” Or my favorite, “Oh, my D/S is a professional musician.” Me: “Oh, what does s/he do? Does s/he play with a group?” “Oh, no. S/he works at Wal-mart but gives piano lessons.”</p>
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</p>
<p>This sounds a lot like H’s family, who wonders why we’re not sending S to the local eighth-tier community-college-in-all-but-name. I’d like to say “so he won’t turn out like you,” but since I don’t want to start World War III, I just smile and nod …</p>
<p>It’s been a few months since my son was accepted at Rice and vice versa. At first it was a little frustrating that so many people didn’t know what a great school it is and what an accomplishment it was for my son to get in. Then I got used to it and now if someone (usually a friend whose kids went to private school) gets it, it’s a pleasant surprise. </p>
<p>Best yet was a cohort in his thirties who attended Cornell: “Wow, that’s great, I would’ve gone to Rice if I’d gotten in.”</p>
<p>^^^That is exactly what I was thinking! Happy to see it’s not just me, as everyone in my family implies.</p>
<p>^^ Hey Fishy</p>
<p>My MIL (every time I talk to her–for the last yr!) has asked where our kiddo is looking at schools (which right now is mostly very select schools the ne corridor)…and she keeps asking Why isn’t kiddo looking in “the south”</p>
<p>…blah blah</p>
<p>and then tells me that “A students” are reaserchers, and “B students work for the C students” because “everyone knows that C students rule the world and are most rounded etc etc…”.</p>
<p>huh 
</p>
<p>And she just “loves” (not)
my laugh when I tell her that that^^ old adage was developed by C students as an excuse to not study!</p>
<p>Smile and nod…</p>
<p>She might have been right back when those C students had daddies who owned the companies back home and could get them jobs with their golf buddies before they joined Daddy’s business. You could ask her if that is her plan for your student.</p>
<p>^^^ Too funny
How did you know?</p>
<p>– FiL has done ALOT to help my BiL get his business contacts etc…
DH however–is her stepson–so that help from the Dad stayed with the 2nd wife and “their” son…kwim</p>
<p>One summer they told my BiL (during his college years) that they would prefer him to perfect his golf game and paid for him to spend all summer on the links instead of getting a summer job.
Actually my BiL does alot of business on the golf course now.</p>
<p>
Not getting why this would be offensive. Expecting them to genuflect perhaps?</p>
<p>Don’t be so critical, sylvan8798. The poster was just being by polite by smiling and nodding rather than pointing out that the kid in marching band at XYZ Regional State U must be ■■■■■■■■. That would have stung; that other parent is probably proud of her kid, the poor dear.</p>
<p>MIL response to our S’ choice of schools: Oh, your SIL says it’s a good school. (Because she lived in the town once)</p>
<p>Yes, because what my SIL thinks is the deciding factor. 
(that’s the way it usually turns out…)</p>
<p>sylvan and mantori, do you have any notion of what it takes to get into and succeed at a place like Eastman? It’s not that there is anything wrong with being a musician in the marching band, it’s just that the reference is not in the least equivalent. Tango, knowing that the band member’s parent may be unaware of that fact, chose to graciously smile and nod.</p>
<p>I know. It’s just such a fine line, especially in writing, between bemusement and snottiness. But we all walk it whenever we choose to post, and of course I cross is regularly myself.</p>
<p>
Of course, but people are just trying to relate as best they can. Not everyone is going to be in awe of her kid.</p>
<p>This past weekend my H and I had a very uncomfortable experience at a synogogue brunch. We sat at a table with another couple whose senior twins attend the same high achieving high school our boys did.</p>
<p>And all they could talk about was how their darlings would be able to choose among the several Ivy acceptances they were each sure to garner this year…!</p>
<p>Their children are perfectly nice, wonderful teenagers, just like thousands of other perfectly nice wonderful teenagers…both are in the top 10% of the high school class, each will have 5 APs at graduation. The girl is photo editor of the school paper and sings in the top choir; the boy is class quotes editor of the yearbook, plays trumpet in the pepband (basketball season), and runs in the open division (ie., non-varsity) for the cross-country and track teams. Both have ACT scores of 32 and SATs of about 2150-2200.</p>
<p>In other words, great kids! Strong students! Their parents should be deservedly very proud of them.</p>
<p>But the parents really believe that their students are strong candidates for the tippy-top schools with miniscule acceptance rates.</p>
<p>H and I tried to be encouraging while also trying to administer a dose of reality-based thinking—like the fact that for BWRKs, the acceptance rate at Yale is probably about 3% if they are not athletes, URMs, legacies, etc., and have not done anything truly outstanding; and we mentioned the fact that while we agreed their kids have done a great job being successful in high school, the problem is that every high school in the country has newspaper and yearbook editors, pep bands and athletic teams. And that the problem is not their wonderful kids, it’s just that there are SO MANY wonderful kids that while their kids are certainly deserving of their college dreams, they have about the same chance of winning a lottery.</p>
<p>Yet the parents didn’t want to consider other excellent schools…they seriously wanted to know how their daughter should decide between Yale and Brown, and their son between Columbia and Penn. When we broached the idea of match or safety schools, they really didn’t want to consider the idea, but allowed that their daughter might add Emory to her list, and the son might add University of Chicago.</p>
<p>I sure hope the GC at the high school helps them through their delusions…</p>
<p>they will be in for a rude awakening when the time comes. I feel bad for the kids who may be set up . you never know every year is different, but it seems harder and harder. I had high expectations my first time around, and with my second child am more realistic. although if she is dissapointed it will be hard. what concerns me is not their hope its their expectation. Also what if one gets in and the other doesnt? Oh boy. Our GC’s are the opposite.</p>
<p>boysx3, while it’s not common, there ARE candidates who get into most if not all of the elite schools they apply to. Maybe these girls will be among them. The best response in this kind of situation is a warm, enthusiastic congratulations to the parents. Leave the “dose of reality-based thinking” to the GC, who, if she/he is any good at all, will encourage the sisters to also apply to safeties. Giving Debbie-downer-type advice only makes you look bad - envious or petty or whatever. And you’re also inviting the parents to really rub your nose in it if the girls do end up at an Ivy or Ivy-caliber school. This is a no-win situation. My advice is, like the title of this thread smile, nod, be gracious.</p>
<p>Wow, the kids mentioned in boysx3’s post are in for a rude awakening…otoh, they might get lucky. But in all probability a rude awakening. I do agree that it isn’t you place to tell the parents the reality. But hoping someone will set them right. There are kids who do not get into any school and have to do a gap year because of this. Andison on this forum is a famous example. He did get into MIT the next year, though.</p>