Reminds me of two situations I witnessed…At one, “Jane Smith” won an award which is given to an accomplished senior. She wasn’t there, but “Jane Smith” a freshman assumed it was her and received the award. In another case, “John Jones” got a award (again not present to receive), and “Don Jones” thought his name was called. He went up and received the award and didn’t realize the mistake until he sat down (the expression on his face and his friend’s was obvious).
In both cases, the false recipient should have known better since their academic standing was no where near the caliber of the actual recipient (and in the first case not even the correct class year!).
@whitespace@ClaremontMom - my son won a PE award and I admit to saying, “what?!” but then, so did a lot of other people who kind of teased him about it later. That award could only have been based on effort.
This is one where you smile and shake your head rather than nodding.
Actually, I think this one would be OK from a certain type of person. I can imagine saying this to somebody who knew me well enough to know the meaning of the tone.
I think that reflects more on you than the speaker and I don’t mean that as an insult or judgemental - we all have different personalities. Even if a competitor said that to me I would still take it as a compliment even if that said it snarky or sarcastic.
One thing that I have found is that there is a lot of pressure for high achieving kids to STAY on top. I have seen kids - and their parents- get VERY upset b/c they got a smaller number of awards after receiving a large number. “I got 8 last year and ‘only’ 5 this year- what’s wrong with me” sort of thing. And they weren’t being dramatic. Americans like it when things get better (btw- this is a major issue with requiring high achieving schools to improve scores each year, but I digress) This is one of the reasons why my school chose to cap the number of awards that can be given to an individual.
It forces the person receiving it into one of thee positions, saying nothing, false modesty, or acknowledgement of the accomplishments, which when someone is winning everything can come off as bragging. Leave it as a question and it’s awkward. Add a “Congratulations!” to the end and you allow the person to simply say “Thank you”, generally the most gracious response to a compliment.
Back when I was in college (when dinosaurs roamed the earth), Dean’s List letters were hand delivered if you lived on campus. I had the same name as at least 4 other girls in the college. First, Middle, Last. I was a good student and all but imagine my surprise when I opened the letter addressed to me to find that I had made Dean’s List. Of a different school. I called the Dean who signed the letter and said who I was or in this case, wasn’t. Before I could get past my name, he congratulated me on my fine work and contributions. I had to stop him mid praise to let him know I wasn’t a student in that school, but I wanted him to know so that they could inform the right person.
Not awkward for me. I made Dean’s List of two different schools in the same semester!
(One time, 3 of the 4 of us with the same name were on line at the bookstore. I noticed the girl in front of me’s name on her check. I turned to the girl behind me to comment about the coincidence. She showed me her check. All of us with the same name).
D just got a nice ED acceptance, but is feeling a little sad that no one seems to have heard of her college, or else confuses it with a school with a similar name. It’s a small LAC, so I don’t blame people for not knowing of it, but it would be nice if they didn’t interpret that fact to mean the college must be of poor quality. I’ve gotten the same reaction from a few adults too.
@TheGFG , get used to that. My D goes to a LAC too, and a lot of people just haven’t heard of many of them. You can mitigate things somewhat if you say “She will be going to blank in blank state (or town.) She is really excited.” That usually stops any more awkwardness. Congrats to your D!
@TheGFG Congrats to her! It is hard when others don’t appreciate it – for what it’s worth, my kid practiced an “elevator” speech about why he was excited about attending his LAC. Among his very competitive peer group, he got blank stares and some judgment when he shared where he was going (for us, merit was an essential piece of admissions puzzle) so being prepared to share why he loved it made him feel more comfortable.
I just tell people that my kid “goes to a small liberal arts school in (insert name of state).” If they want to know more they’ll ask. Most either truly don’t care or don’t know of the schools. Occasionally, people will ask and know the schools and know the quality. Don’t feel the need to educate them.
If you really want to get the look of pity, answer the question of what is your child going to major in with “he/she isn’t sure yet.” Then, for sure will some will view you as a slacker parent.
I got a lot of these responses as a graduating senior a few years ago. A shocking number of my classmates had never heard of the University of Virginia, so most of the reactions I got were along the lines of “…oh! That’s…fun.” Smile and nod.
Another issue I had (which may or may not have been brought up in the 111 pages of this thread; forgive me for not reading all of them) was with people comparing my chosen school to the other schools that I had applied to without realizing that I may not have been accepted. When I told one relative that I was excited to attend UVa, they responded with a concerned look and “But didn’t you apply to MIT?” Yikes.
@TheGFG - Congrats and welcome to the club! Here’s an actual conversation I had.
OtherParent: So where’s [kid] going to college?
Me: [Small Liberal Arts College]
OtherParent: Oh, that’s great! Congratulations. [beat passes, something clicks] Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you meant [much larger and more widely known university with vaguely similar name]
Me: <smile, nod=""> </smile,>
It would have been fine except for the “Oh, I’m sorry.”
Which was totally unnecessary because we’re thrilled with the kid’s choice.
Last night, we held a family gathering at our home, and since everyone was asking about D’s college choices, my husband decided to announce her acceptance to her top choice. It went exactly like this:
DH: My daughter was accepted to her dream school, [X University] in [X City]. We’re so proud! Crickets for a few seconds
Uncle: Oh, thats where Patrick Ewing played! They had really good basketball teams!
Thank god for sports fans in the family who could at least fake excitement for her! The rest of the family was shocked that we were willing to let her leave home. Lots of family questioned whether a teenage girl would be safe on a college campus and told me that it was soooo far away from home.
Luckily, D was in another room with her cousins who were much more enthusiastic and supportive! Leaving home for college is out of the norm in our family, but I was shocked at how aggressively everyone was questioning our family’s decisions and my parenting skills.
@BusyNapping Wow! That “Patrick Ewing school” is pretty well known. Surprised folks don’t know that one. Congrats to your daughter! Great school and a wonderful city to spend 4 (or more) years in!
My D and niece are both sophomores at (different) State U’s. The girls look very different, have different interests, and fortunately have never been competitive with one another because each is good at her own things. They text during the school year and are happy to see one another at breaks. H and I really like this niece as she has always been a genuinely nice kid with a sunny personality who has faced some big family responsibilities for a kid her age. But while BIL seems to like my kid, SIL never really has.
At a Christmas party the other night, SIL says to me, “I hear that LuckyDaughter had another good semester. How nice that she doesn’t have to work. That must give her so much time for her schoolwork.” My D has a job; in fact, she works at the same chain restaurant as her cousin (in different cities, obviously). But SIL doesn’t remember that.
I ignore the implication and nicely reply, “I’m glad that Niece likes State U so much. Sounds like she’s doing great, and LuckyDaughter says that the sorority sounds like a lot of fun.” These words are absolutely true.
But SIL wouldn’t let it go. “Yes, Niece is doing fine. Not as well as LuckyDaughter, but… Well, I guess it’s a lot easier to get good grades down South than up here. Aren’t there a lot of, well, not very bright kids at her school?”
I was stunned and said something like, “Well, on a campus of 25,000, I’m sure there’s a whole range of brain power.” What I was actually thinking was, “Within our extended family, there is apparently a whole range of brain power.” And then I excused myself and grabbed an adult beverage.
