<p>I have to agree with the chorus here - this is not a good idea. An occasional kid, maybe, but I would not accept the responsibility for the safety of another child on a regular basis, with my child driving. I’m not sure how long I’d enforce that restriction, but certainly the snow season is a concern (particularly here in Massachusetts where there seems to be a sort of collective amnesia about driving in the snow from one year to the next).</p>
<p>I think your daughter needs to be able to decide how she’s feeling on a day-to-day basis, and has to have the opportunity to say “No, I’m tired today and don’t want to drive.” Or “The weather’s really rotten.” If she makes the commitment to drive on a regular basis, she may be hesitant to skip driving even though she may want to. Or perhaps she’ll be more likely to do something out of character if this is a routine situation that she’ll “get used to.”</p>
<p>You should not put your d (and your insurance) at risk because other parents don’t want to drive anymore.</p>
<p>I don’t know how it is in other states, but here in MA, our school survey showed something like 80% of kids ignored the passenger restriction even during the first 6 months (when getting caught automatically led to a license suspension), and any attempts to ban them from driving others or riding with others after that are just fantasies. There will be individual exceptions of course but in my group of friends there was only one girl who even adhered to the restriction, the rest–suffice to say were drafted into driving people at most available opportunities. Some peopld did complain their parents didn’t allow this and thus took precautions to keep them from finding out (and a couple times parents freaked out when they did find out) but the rate of “violations” pretty much hovers around one. People in parties will drive to Store 24 to buy soda and chips (or to other places to do other things depending on how beningn the party is), people will drive out to lunch (and periodically skip class to get Indian food), etc. </p>
<p>I also don’t know about how it is in other areas–in my town, the last time any high school kids died in a car was 10 years ago (they were speeding and not wearing seatbelts–yeah, that happens). Seriously, we’ve had more kids die from leukemia over that period (I suppose this is anomaly if car crahses are the leading killer of teens, though). As long as you have air bags (ok, OP’s car doesn’t, bad), seatbelts, and people not intent on drag racing in rainy weather, it’s really difficult to get anyone hurt in a car nowadays. The only time I crashed, at any rate, I was alone, not speeding, not talking on my cell phone–just fiddled with the radio and got into a fender bender when some jerk stopped at a crosswalk (we don’t do that very often in MA).</p>
<p>In my experience (to be fair, most of my friends were of the nerdier type) there wasn’t really any chronic dangerous driving among teens. By the statistics, the 16 year olds will crash their cars (I was 16), and after that it flattens out pretty quickly. All of the notable crashes around here involve people either being drunk or plain stupid. And honestly, if your kid’s going to get a ride home from the guy who just had 16 shots, afraid there’s not much that can be done to help by this age.</p>
<p>You gotta do what you gotta do! If you’re not comfortable with it just say no! Our D’s got their licenses and there were no restrictions. Both are cautious drivers and we have given them permission to drive just about anywhere. For the first year they pretty much stayed within the city limits…mostly just to school, practices and fast food places. D1 learned the highway system throughout the state and away she went. D2 just turned 17 and is a senior. She still doesn’t go very far but it is her own restrictions that keep her tied to home. Neither were comfortable with groups of kids in the car so they didn’t have them. D1 is an excellent driver in the snow…D2 needs another winter under her belt. We were driving to Chicago from MPLS and had D2 driving as she needed highway time when she had her permit. Another car pushed over in her lane (passing) and pushed her in to the median so there were three cars across in a two lane highway…she never batted an eye and calmly took control. After that we knew she was ready to solo! Whew!</p>
<p>I am somewhat ashamed of myself that I drove other people before I was supposed to. No, I never got “caught” by the justice system, but my parents did find out and were NOT happy about it. </p>
<p>I don’t think your D would be too upset…like others have said, it’s easy to shrug off as “my parents won’t let me drive other people”. Maybe it’s just a regional thing, but it’s actually very common for this to happen here. </p>
<p>Also, when your D does start driving others, make sure she INSISTS that the others in her car ALWAYS wear seatbelts.</p>
<p>My friends have known this about me from day one; if they don’t wear a seatbelt, they’re not riding in their car. To the point where if someone is in my car that I’ve never driven with before, they’ll all go, “SEAT BELTS!”</p>
<p>Just explain to your D that it’s not her you don’t trust, but the conditions and the other drivers. (that staved off a lot of fighting between me and my parents.)</p>
<p>I was allowed to get my license at 16, allowed to have a car at 17, and allowed to drive other people at 17 and a half. I groused, but figured it was fair.</p>
I was going to make the same string suggestion - especially since she’s a new driver, drives a twisty road, drives in wintry weather, and drives in areas of fatal accidents. </p>
<p>A DL isn’t a chauffeur’s license. I’d never let a kid of mine with inadequate experience endanger other kids for the sake of their convenience. Like another poster indicated - somehow the other kids have managed to get to these functions up to this point and I’m sure they’d still be able to without your D driving them.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like the other families are taking advantage of your D. Along with this request for rides, was there any offer to pay for gas?</p>
<p>If you’re not comfortable with her driving other people on a regular basis yet, it’s fine to say so. I think people are a lot more understanding about this today; the 6 month no-passengers rules in many states and the well-publicized studies about accidents increasing as the number of teens in a car increases have opened many eyes.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your support of my point of view.</p>
<p>I have decided that I will not allow my daughter to commit to driving anyone anywhere on a regular basis – will also focus on this having nothing to do with my concerns about her driving abilities, as she has been very careful and responsible (and I told her I appreciated the fact that she asked me about this!)</p>
<p>I got my license at 16, shared a car with my brother at 16. I was not allowed to drive anyone other than myself until this summer…I’m 18. Apparently my parents trusted me less than they trusted my brother, because he was allowed to drive others after his 6 months were up.</p>
<p>I agree with the general consensus that you should not be pressured to commit to her driving others on a regular basis. I’ve only had one D go through the driving process so far, and she gradually was allowed to drive others after she turned 17, but we did it on a case by case basis. We live in an area with curvy roads that many people drive too fast on, snow removal is poor, and deer are all over at night.</p>
<p>My personal experience, which I try to recall when I get too anxious, was that as the youngest of a large family, I was given a lot of freedom and allowed to drive friends frequently. We did live in a city with straight roads and easier driving, but I remember senior year driving 7 other girls to a weekend in a state park cabin! Back when you could sit in the back section of a station wagon without seat belts! Makes me cringe now.</p>
<p>I fully agree that you should not let your child drive others for the first year. In VA, you can only have one other person in the car with you (not family) for the first year. My wife and I made the mistake of allowing our 15 year old to ride with another friend (we know her and her parents) to make our life easier. Luckily nothing happened, but we did get a report that she was racing a boy down the road. Of course, she can’t ride with her friend anymore and we are the bad guys in the house.</p>
<p>I think setting the rules as early as possible is important. With our oldest, we didn’t have any state rules in effect at the time that limited who he could ferry.</p>
<p>I think the first time he was able to drive without us, he probably broke every rule I would have made, and some I hadn’t thought of. Once the cat is out of the bag, you can’t go back. </p>
<p>Years ago, when some of us old timers were first driving, we were usually using a vehicle that was central to our families livlihood and existence. In today’s more affluent world, it requires more strict and apparently unnecessary restrictions ( in the view of the kid) to control what scarcity and common sense used to help reign in. It ain’t easy.</p>
<p>Living near two high schools I can say that many of our children do not follow the law. In our state it is now 1 yr. I have seen carloads of kids headed out to lunch. At one of the schools the time for lunch is short and I see them racing to get back to school in time. Many of those driving have rules from their parents to not take kids in the car. I have on occasion informed a parent about the driving speed of their children. Or I have said “I saw Johnny driving today. He was headed out to lunch with some friends” I also have let the parents know when I see their offspring driving responsibly.</p>
<p>My middle child who has a car was happy to say he was not allowed to drive friends. Often time he left his car at home and went with a friend. My son is young and was the last in his group to get a license. He has also not wanted to bring his car to college because he does not want the risk of driving his friends around. My oldest had a truck that made it possible for her to only have 1 passenger.
Also after seeing the results of several traffic accidents I would not let my kid ride or drive a car without airbags.</p>
<p>I have told all my kids that there is a “moms network” around here. You never know who is watching you. I have “ratted out” a close friend’s son who was driving while on his cell phone (illegal around here),and not wearing a seat belt. Another friend “ratted out” someone’s son who was transporting about 6 other kids to a sports practice, including some who were riding in the hatchback area of a car. On the other hand, I had a call from another parent who reported that she was driving behind DS#1 and reported that he was very careful.</p>
<p>My kids and their friends are constantly amazed at the “moms network”. I once asked my son about some event he went to. His response was why don’t I just ask my friend “Jane” since the Mom’s know everything.</p>
<p>I ratted out a neighbor’s daughter for driving fast on our street without a seatbelt and with her younger sister in the car. Neighbor reported back that daughter was upset with me for telling … but the neighbor replied to her D that Mrs.CNP really cares about all the kids and just wants to make sure everyone is safe!</p>