<p>mombat, we are closer in method then you think…it was saying, k, today we need to do this before you can do that…it would get done…if they said, well, I have to be there by such and such, then I would say, k, give me a block of time…it was not so much a schedule or anything, just what needed to get done, and me reminding them…it all went pretty smoothly</p>
<p>When I read boysx3’s post, I realized what I’m miffed about is attitute or perhaps entitlement. </p>
<p>Has she ever gone shopping? She left for Spain with one suit case and came back with 2. Some of it was wonderful French hair products that had found cheap over there. The child drives and passes at least 2 drug store chains on the way to and from work. But I never get the what do you need call. I get the I forgot to stop, could you on your way home from working 12 hours? And can you make dinner early so I can use my new shampoo and be out by eight?</p>
<p>No room is cleaned without my asking. </p>
<p>The horrible realization? It’s all my fault, it took years to get here, I won’t change it in a month.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Don’t beat yourself too hard. My D would be “No room is cleaned even when we do ask”. Sigh!!!</p>
<p>its not all your fault…it was a communal non-working as a team…everyone involved didn’t participate, and yes, you can change it in a month</p>
<p>if she is “demanding things” just stop fullfilling the demands…when she calls, say, no, can’t do it and don’t feel bad</p>
<p>as for food, have stuff in the house and if she is in a hurry a toasted cheese sandwich never killled anyone…nor does using the “wrong” shampoo</p>
<p>there is a balance to be struck, but if there is an attitude that you are the “help”, well, your D can get over herself!!</p>
<p>once my I first got married and we both were working and he complained his socks weren’t all matched up I told him he was darn lucky they were even washed</p>
<p>if D hasn’t been much of a team player, it is not too late, and if she is working, she knows how, but has chosen not to, so mom, it is time to say, dear, if you want shampoo, you can get it…I will buy the toliet paper, the paper towels, etc…</p>
<p>again, find a balance, thus far it has been lumped on mom, who has been a good sport, and now, D can take care of much herself</p>
<p>I will say, girls, going to Target’, anyone need anything? D will call home and ask? and D’s have started to to the same…</p>
<p>sure nothing is perfect, and sure, there are “battles” like “mom, where is my green sweater” and sometimes I will help, and other times “i have no clue” and what bugs them most is when I start going through all their stuff in their room “looking” for the lost sweater…and I can be really annoying…now, usually, they say, hey has anyone seen the sweater (they borrow from each other), and then drop it…or look again, I don’t mind the asking, because I may know, but its the asking again and pouting if I don’t know…and they got it real quick that I was not responsible for their stuff, and if they asked more then once, I was free to go a’hunting</p>
<p>so ucgradmary, time to sit down with D, and say, as a rising senior you are asking for more freedom, etc, and with that comes responsibility, so here is what I am willing to allow and to do, and what will your part of that be?</p>
<p>For instance, I will wash things, but only if they are in the basket in the laundry room, I will share loads, but if yo uwant something sooner, or can’t find it, or whatever, well, then you can do it yourself, the laundry is on my schedule as I want full loads…and if you want that expensive special shamppo, you can of course buy it, but I am not makng extra trips…</p>
<p>If you are stopping, it would be wonderful to call to see if the FAMILY needs anything- milk, butter…</p>
<p>If I am out, I will call…</p>
<p>and then discuss other situations- applications, paying for car, etc…if your bring in that they want more freedom, and what the balance of that is, you get their attention real quick</p>
<p>We are having the same issue at our house UCGradMary–I hear you! As I said, I think I overcorrected for some of the things I thought my mom got wrong, and as a result the kids DO have a sense of entitlement and seem oblivious to how much I juggle to make life so cushy for them.</p>
<p>To give you an example: we bought a third car because our family is stretched in terms of time and not having to shuffle cars, take the bus or drive the kids around was worth it to me. I also wanted them to have a safe car, so the car they have is relatively nice–nice enough and new enough to have more airbags than seatbelts! It is also the smallest of the three cars so it lives in the garage (my husband’s junk fills the other bay in the garage…don’t ask). A few months ago my son backed out and pushed a ladder my husband had left lying on the floor into the garage door track and bent it so the automatic opener quit working. Husband has been fiddling with it and it limped along but finally died. So we have to open and close the garage the old fashioned way. So the kids just park in the driveway and block MY car instead of getting up of their (trained athlete) butts and opening the darn garage door!!! I went completely postal last night when son drove off and left the garage hanging open. Both kids got lectured this morning, but my attitude is that something’s wrong if I have to guilt them into something so simple as putting their car away properly!!! Don’t even get me started on how they argue about who has to buy gas! I’m about ready to sell the car and tell them since they won’t buy gas they can ride the bus.</p>
<p>Funny you mention the 3rd car mombot. We’ve been planning to buy one, also a nice one with every possible air bag. DH thinks that’s the currancy we should us for full cooperation–no car. Great, which one of us wants to leave work to take her to work?</p>
<p>The laundry is is an interesting one in out house. We have laundry shoots that feed directly into the laundry room from upstairs baths and the kids think there’s a fairy down there to do it!</p>
<p>don’t take the laundry back up if you wash it…or let it go for a few days…it is amazing what can happen fif they dont’ have their clothes!!</p>
<p>Thank you for the compliments about my son–he is a wonderful kid in a lot of ways. But he’s done a lot of things to make me pull my hair out too.</p>
<p>But what I meant about a new thread was what we had better have our kids teach us before they leave home…</p>
<p>all of a sudden I am very aware of the ways I rely on him that I didn’t even think about before.</p>
<p>Mary–the car is going to make your life easier, so don’t expect the kids to feel any sort of gratitude for it…just do it for your convenience and peace of mind. She might be more willing to go to the drugstore for her own stuff if she’s got her own car LOL.</p>
<p>boyx3:</p>
<p>That’s a good idea. A while back there was a thread on practical things
we need to teach them before they leave home. It would be a clever
twist to make a list of things they need to teach us!</p>
<p>My kids have done their own laundry since they were quite young (elementary age)- and it has not taken us more laundry soap or water to do so. The frontloader adjusts water usage for smaller loads - and besides, both kids either put all clothes colors in together, or basically sorted into lights and darks, and always seemed to have full loads. It was such a relief to me, since I no longer had to figure out whose socks were whose!</p>
<p>I got a new washer and dryer this past year (front loader) and it’s still a “toy” to me. I LOVE doing wash. I beg my college son to bring his laundry home during breaks. Most of the time he won’t (probably embarassed?). He will be sorry one day when my washer-honeymoom phase wears off!</p>
<p>doubleplay - please share the maker/model of your new toy! I’m due.</p>
<p>It’s a Kenmore HE2-Plus.
I’m doing laundry as we write!!</p>
<p>Just shopped for dryers, wonderful but expensive are Miele, Bosch and Asko.</p>
<p>I’ll check that one out. </p>
<p>Thanks, both of you.</p>
<p>The “what do you need call?” is an easy one to teach. We have a regular house guest (a friend who consults out here who stays with us three or four times every year). After five years of him being a guest, I said “I have a cold, could you call when you leave work to see if I need you to stop for anything?” and guess what: he now calls EVERY single time… for the last 7 years.</p>
<p>UC Gradmary: I have both an Asko and a Bosch washer/dryer. Yes, we have one up and one down. Big house. Yes, we’re nuts. However, they each have different advantages and disadvantages (Bosch heats its own water), so send over a PM if you have questions. Both can be set up to vent out the front, very useful if you have long vent runs that you don’t want to fill with lint.</p>
<p>dmd, sounds like you’re into good appliances. So help me choose! I also need a need a dishwasher, We bought a house with Fisher-Paykel drawers that are handy dor daily use but I need a big guy for all of our bigger crowds. Miele and Bosch are the ones I’ve been considering. Also looking for new wall ovens, this house came with a Viking range that makes my back hurt! Anyone actively use athe griddle on a Viking? Have looked at Thermadore and Miele so far. Thoughts anyone?</p>
<p>OOOH. We love our Fischer-Paykel washer dryer unit: uses less water, less soap and with a super spin, drying time is much less as well.</p>