I often host for bridge and mj. My house is in need of updates– but fortunately my friends are low key and happy to have a place to play (I have a nice card table in my sunroom) so I don’t worry about it.
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We had guests this past weekend and will have others stay with us for four days at the end of July. We have not done a lot of updating to our house, and I don’t think we are snotty. I do my best to have food for meals and snacks when we have guests.
I hope the mah jongg ladies have the manners not to pass judgment on you, or your home as the host. Just be YOU…and try to let the rest of this go.
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My house is definitely not updated because I’m happy with it. Someday it will be “vintage” and very much admired…
I’ve also noticed that having food and snacks pretty much makes everyone happy!
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What’s funny is that I truly almost never care what others think, which is one reason I don’t bother to spend a lot of time or money on upgrades and decorating (or cars or cosmetic surgery or clothes).
But then, on a rare occasion such as this, I feel like maybe I “should” care more and that, while I don’t care, personally, about these things others DO care and maybe I’m “wrong” to be so out of step. And I have now seen the gamut of homes based on this mahjong group, including an adorable assisted-living cottage. It’s not like I think I have the crappiest home or anything; sometimes I just wished I was more in step with the crowd. If that makes sense. I’ve always been a contrarian, and sometimes I think that no longer serves me. (Like what my therapist said about my hyper-independence. Rude! lol).
Anyway, enough of this. We need more dragons and bams and dots!
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Jokers!
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As far as I’m aware there are no beginner lessons offered in my town right now. There have been in the past but they are sporadic.
I play at the local senior center and at our golf clubhouse. We have a nice group of ladies that play.
I have an acquaintance who keeps asking about learning to play. To drop in on our group that plays at the clubhouse.
How would you approach that situation? I asked my friends who felt that she wouldn’t be a great candidate to play because she’s not very reliable, and not a great fit. Meaning not her personality but that she’s probably not going to be a person who would like the game.
Well…I’d invite her to come and watch. She will quickly decide if this game is for her…or not. We have had people observe our mah jongg groups. Some are enthusiastic about trying to learn. Others have a deer in the headlights look.
I’d let this person make the decision if the game is for her…or not.
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Agree with @thumper1 . Our group has also had people come and watch and while some are interested in learning, others quickly realize it’s not for them.
Perhaps suggest she start by going to the senior center, assuming that’s open play for all levels, and could see if this might be something she likes.
There are online classes she could take, if there aren’t any local in-person beginner classes. There are also many online mahjong games…realmahjongg and I love mahj being two of the better ones where one can take their time to learn, get familiar with the card, and turn on the hand suggestion function. Both are $5/month or so.
Generally, I would lean towards being inclusive rather than exclusive. Not everyone in my extended group is at the same level, but it still works.
I took lessons through the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute this past spring and plan to take the follow up class this fall (I need to develop confidence in picking a hand). Our teacher recommended a YouTube video or two every week when she did a follow up email. She also encouraged us to play online a few times each week. I found both things helpful.
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I understand that I can invite her to observe. I told her about the group, what time it is and where to meet.
I don’t think I’m explaining myself well enough.
She doesn’t make an effort to learn on her own or to seek out how to play. I think she thinks it’s going to be like dominoes and you can pick it up easily.
She wants me to organize how she can learn to play and I’m figuring out how to answer that question.
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Perhaps encourage her to go to the senior center play instead of the clubhouse play.
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Mahjongo.com is free online and has some basic instruction. I play (Chinese, not American) online and it has really improved my play. It does play for points and the group I played with had two tables, one for points and one for fun, and I usually played with the ‘fun’ group.
I’ve taught my daughters the basics and now they both like to play. They aren’t ready for points yet. We just have my old mahjong sets from China so we can’t play American with those sets (144 tiles instead of the 166 in an American set). They are kind of small and I have no racks or pushers. Yep, old style but fun.
I know there are some private teachers around here. Before covid, there was a woman who offered lessons in her home and I found her through Nextdoor (or FB, one of those). My sister took a lesson at her swim and tennis club that someone organized and a ‘teacher’ volunteered. I saw that our rec centers had a set of lessons this summer (some of the rec centers are ‘senior’ focused but anyone can take the lessons). The rec centers have bridge, mahjong, cribbage, etc. games during the weeks but they are kind of intense and don’t teach beginners, you have to take the lessons first. My group at the Y always welcomed beginners and the group leader would teach them for a few weeks and then shove them into games. We also were very forgiving of mistakes (and made them all the time, from dealing to having too many tiles or too few, to claiming mahjong when there wasn’t one). The Jewish Community Center offers lessons several times a year and while they aren’t widely advertised, you don’t have to be a member to sign up and take the lessons.
Maybe you could organize a small group of beginners and encourage your friend to do that first? If you don’t feel comfortable teaching the group, maybe someone else would?
I don’t think it’s on @deb22 to have to organize a beginners group or seek out lessons for this person. If this woman really wants to learn she can make the effort to do that.
I’m thinking that just observing the game might make her realize that she does need to make an effort to learn the rules, get familiar with the card, etc. That could be gently but firmly pointed out to her.
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So the people at the clubhouse know her and don’t want her to play with them, for whatever reason?
I have lots of thoughts, but I need more info.
There are lots of personalities that play so it’s not about that. It’s more that she will say she wants to do something and then backs out at the last minute.
It’s not that you can’t change your mind or that things come up. It was the consistency of not showing up that was irksome.
It’s like she keeps asking for me to do stuff for her and then she doesn’t follow through. There’s history. I’m not doing a good job of explaining.
My friends have been a party to this, that’s why they’d rather not put out an effort Like I say there’s history.
No, I think I get it. In my group, people dip in and out, and if the number isn’t divisible by four we play with a dummy. Or two, if we need to.
I don’t like when people flake, but it’s fine in that it doesn’t really affect the game. In fact, I kind of like playing with a dummy player as it goes quicker.
Can you just tell her that she’s asked for your help with things and then doesn’t follow through and that you are protective of the mahjong group and think this isn’t the right fit? And then direct her to the senior place that maybe doesn’t know the history with her? I’m guessing maybe that environment is more open to all comers? I definitely wouldn’t feel compelled to manage her/keep helping her when she is unreliable.
I guess I’d tell her that the group only accepts experienced players and you’ll be welcome when she has some experience? I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Many groups around here, even public ones at the rec centers, require experience to join a game.
You’ve suggested a few ways for her to get experience and now it is up to her.
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Tell her the only way is to come and watch, and learn. Buy Sandburg’s book. (I’m not sure that’s the spelling). Many senior centers have teachers who will give a couple of private lessons.
Beyond that, it’s not your job to figure out how she will learn the game.
I’ve asked people to join our group. I also don’t mind teaming with a new person once they have some idea what’s going on. Sometimes this helps.
ETA…if she doesn’t make a consistent effort to come to learn, I would say that she should look elsewhere. I’m not sure there is a tactful way to say this…but it sounds like she needs to hear it.
She needs to know how often you meet, and that the expectation is that she will make a commitment to be there every time. Maybe that will encourage her to look elsewhere.
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