<p>No answer met my eager ears, but deep within I began to sense a rhythmic beat. And that scratching… Surely not - impossible! Could someone really have smuggled in a turntable? I’d heard that scratching sound before… And I didn’t like it.</p>
<p>“Bro, you’re here too! That was such an awesome party, dude! Can you believe these cards are still in my pocket?” A vaguely raspy and slurred voice erupted suddenly from the wall, and I realized with a groan that, of all people, Chad had been thrown into the dank cell next to mine.</p>
<p>Yes, it was Chad! Not hanging Chad, the poor guy whose pardon never came.
But Chad of “Chad and Jeremy.” I recognized his lovely harmonies right through the scratches in the vinyl record. For old times, we sang, “Please lock me away, and don’t allow the day…” until dawn broke.</p>
<p>It was only after playing the record backwards that I understood the hidden message.</p>
<p>The message that would free me from my dank prison cell. The most important message I would ever hear…</p>
<p>…and the message encoded in reverse on that old vinyl disc was, “Paul is dead and the person responsible for the Kennedy assassination was…”</p>
<p>. . . Liberace!</p>
<p>Not that we hadn’t all come to that conclusion on our own and long before, but still - it was surprising to hear it delivered in that medium.</p>
<p>Yes, the culprit was Liberace’s alter ego, Colnel Mustard, with the candlestick in the Conservatory. (The Zapruder film was a hoax.) But I digress… how did this message free me from my prison cell, you ask?</p>
<p>(sorry, I cheated, multiple sentences)</p>