<p>I am thinking about you and your family…blessings to all of you.</p>
<p>i had typed up a whole long post, and then I accidentally hit the back button and all was lost… oy vey!!</p>
<p>anyway, i’m sorry i haven’t checked in here in so long. things have been so hectic with school - new administration, new rules - the new administrators think they can just march into town and start bossing everybody around and forcing them to comply with their dumb ideas… hmph. i’m just being bitter. </p>
<p>we suffered another crushing loss - H’s father very suddenly passed away at the end of August, and his mother, who has very severe Alzheimer’s (the only person she recognized was her husband), is now living with us and we’re watching her slowly deteriorate. we’re all feeling this loss. i was very close to the inlaws back when they still lived near us. H is just devastated these days and hardly ever speaks.</p>
<p>aside from that, things are relatively well… D is acing her midterms and just in general seems to be doing well. she now calls every day, which i’m totally okay with and i start to miss her and worry if she hasn’t called by a certain time. i never dreamed i’d be so much of a helicopter mom and i keep telling D that if she’s busy studying or something, not to worry about calling and that i understand. it’s just … <strong><em>sigh</em></strong></p>
<p>i also joined a support group in my city. (this was at the beginning of September). it was basically a group for people who had lost family members to drugs/drunk driving. there were people of all ages there - but very strangely and much to my surprise, the group disbanded just a couple of weeks after i joined without a hint as to a reason. it’s okay, though - i’m really not a very “support group” type of person. i made friends with one of the ladies outside the group (her husband was killed in a car accident while driving drunk) and we talk every now and then. she also has no idea what happened to the group. </p>
<p>i’m doing much better, but i still have to fight to compose myself during school sometimes, especially when i pass the memorial plaque that was made for my son. it has his senior picture and a quote by Hans Christian Anderson that says, “just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” it’s painful and i try my hardest not to pass it because just knowing it’s there and not seeing it is enough to get me going.</p>
<p>I don’t know precisely which stage of the process i’m in now, but all i know is i’ve given up on blaming myself. everything still seems grey and fragile, though.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. You have been in my thoughts this past month. Your strength in the face of so much adversity is amazing. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Thing will change as time go by, the pain will ease. My thoughts are with you, be strong. Hugs.</p>
<p>Not blaming yourself is a huge step forward. </p>
<p>Thanks for keeping us up to date. You and yours are in my thoughts.</p>
<p>Hi PsychoMomTX - It’s good to see you post. My thoughts continue to be with you and your family. Sorry to hear about the loss of your father-in-law and your mother-in-law’s Alzheimer’s. I hope you continue to find the strength that you need.</p>
<p>PsychoMomTX, Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I am so sorry for the additional loss of your dear FIL and the ongoing decline of your MIL.I wish you continued strength in bearing up under such sorrow and pain. I am glad that you DD is doing well and keeping close touch with you as I am sure it is a great comfort. I will continue to pray for you & your DH who is struggling so. Please hold onto the good memories and hope of peace to come with time.</p>
<p>Penny, You and your family remain in my thoughts. Hoping the load gets lighter.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for the update. I think of you so often. </p>
<p>Please know that we all want to help you in any way that we can - just remember you can always just be yourself here - no matter what your “self” happens to be.</p>
<p>wnp2 said it so well. No matter how much we feel for you (and it is obvious that we do), there is not a lot that your cyberfriends can do but to to be here for you-- no matter where or how you are. So please come here any time you want to or need to.</p>
<p>You and your family will continue to be frequently in my thoughts.</p>
<p>My deepest condolences and prayers for your family.</p>
<p>Penny, I continue to send my thoughts and prayers to you. Take care.</p>
<p>Thank you for continuing to tell us how you’re doing. May peace be with you and your family.</p>
<p>You continue in my thoughts. Thanks you for keeping us informed.</p>
<p>The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune indeed…</p>
<p>PMT, good to hear how you’re doing. You may be in some approximate stage of grief, but these things come in fits and starts. So, so sorry, still.</p>
<p>I was just thinking of you. I’m glad you’ve stopped blaming yourself, that is an important step.</p>
<p>I am so sorry about your father-in-law. I’m hoping for peace for you and your family.</p>
<p>I’m praying for you and yours, Penny. You are where you are. And that’s OK. I am so sorry about your son and your more recent loss of father in law. And your mother in law’s situation. </p>
<p>These are tough times for you and yours. But your daughter is doing well, you are coping at work, and you have demonstrated incredible strength in this time of great suffering. I don’t know your beliefs, but I truly believe that the grace of God will continue to strengthen you to continue to cope with these losses. </p>
<p>Marianne</p>
<p>Dear Penny,
I am so sorry that your family is suffering another loss.
You are in my thoughts so often and I keep you in my prayers. You have touched so many people with your letter and I read it often. Your courage and strength is amazing and now you are taking care of your mother in law. Dementia or alzheimers is so difficult on the caretakers. Do you have someone in your home to look after your mother in law? I hope you don’t mind a suggestion…You and your husband need time away from your mother in law a few times a week just to unwind. To have lost a child and now have a sad situation to live with everyday is very difficult. You, and your husband and daughter are in my prayers.</p>
<p>today was so hard…</p>
<p>thanksgiving is usually one of my favorite days of the year but today i spent it crying and ruining food. relatives used to come from across the country to taste my “famous” turkey but today i could barely switch on the oven. i feel so worthless. </p>
<p>and what’s worse, i know it’s only going to get worse as the holiday season wears on… now to go dig the world’s biggest hole and crawl inside it…</p>
<p>Penny, you are NOT worthless! Holidays are difficult times when you have suffered such devastating losses as you have in the past year. I am sorry that today was so hard. {{{hugs}}} Please know that there are many people out here who are lifting you up, thinking of you, & praying for you during these difficult holidays. I continue to keep you close to my heart & in my prayers.</p>