I also worry about dementia. My mom died at 70 and had pretty severe dementia. That’s one of the big reasons I retired fairly young. I wanted to enjoy myself in case I don’t have that many “good years” left. I do live a different lifestyle than my mom, but if it’s hereditary I’m not sure how much that matters.
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@conmama: I looked on Amazon and there are several books with that title. Which one is the one you mentioned??
This is probably a helpful distinction @conmama. The reason friends are likely the ones who, in effect, dropped @sabaray when she no longer had her work status. Are season friends those with whom we have situational friendships?
This discussion has me humming a song from Girl Scouts (also quoted one year in our Christmas letter) - “Make new friends…. and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold”
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I hadn’t thought of that song in a very long time. First I thought it was from Barney. Then I sang the first line to my DH and asked him if he remembered the song. He sang the next line. I then asked him if he remembered where it came from and like me he replied Barney.
A couple of minutes went by and then he said “Pooh and Piglet”! Huh? He then sang the rest of the song from how we learned it and we laughed. Thanks for the early morning chuckle.
“Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other’s gold.
Like a circle which has no end.
Pooh and Piglet will always be friends!”
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It was Girl Scouts, for me!
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I believe you are right! Also, season friends would be situational friends, like you say. The situation or season ceases to exist, and the friendship wasn’t close enough to continue. Good for the moment.
One example my friend gave for the “reason” aspect was an acquaintance of ours. She’s a social climber and has many friends, especially likes the ones that she deems a higher social status…they are friends to her for a reason.
I looked for the book and recognized the front. It’s the one by Brenda Hunter, Ph.D.
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Brenda Hunter
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Oh, I have no doubt you’re right, but we had a Winnie the Pooh songbook where you pressed some button on the right side of the book and a song would play. It was played many, many times. Good memories.
We sang that song in Girl Scouts 60 years ago! Way before Barney was hatched 
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Amazon link for the purposes of recognizing the book - I’ll look for it on the Libby app!
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I think it’s human nature to worry about what maladies that affected our parents.
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s, my mom has always been very sensitive about her memory.
My mil is very worried about cancer because that’s what is in her family history.
For one, cancer, there have been huge advances in medicine and treatments. In the other, not so much. Neither are much fun.
I think the only thing we can do is make the present what we want it to be.
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We know many that do this - what they might have needed to spend for kids’ college or other things has dropped off. Can live cheaper as empty nesters (think of the grocery bills with growing teen boys). We know a high-earning couples that have traveled on vacation abroad during work year for the man (the wife does a lot of gal trips in area or area states, usually driving) - one son is just married – they currently are in Singapore. Another couple have done a lot of trips abroad right after he retired - they like doing a lot of hiking/kayaking at various places; their son and daughter are both single adults.
Not retired yet but its close (end of July of this year).
The plan is lots of travel and coaching soccer. The 1st trip is a 24 day trip to the Canadian Maritimes with another couple that will start right after I retire.
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The distinctions between friendships are interesting. One of my best friends is someone I met at over 25 years ago. We haven’t worked together in a very long time, yet are still very close friends. On the surface, there would be no obvious reasons why this would be, but the friendship endures. Thanks for the book recommendation, @conmama - I ordered it.
This morning I was able to attend a Pilates class with one of my favorite instructors, subbing in for our regular instructor (who I also really like). It is a group of five, three women and two men which is a fun dynamic even if one of the men is losing his filter. Truth be told, that often makes it more interesting.
I had been thinking of purchasing a Reformer for my home, but honestly I enjoy the camaraderie of a class when it’s a group you really like. When it’s a group of young women clamoring for “an advanced class” it’s not nearly as enjoyable! Three of the participants are avid bicyclists, something I’m interested in. When they start biking in the spring, I’m going to join them. I don’t even need to buy a bike yet - evidently they have a few I can try out. While I wish I could try pickleball, I have a hip issue that makes lateral movement extremely difficult so that is a no-go for me.
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My DW has had the same complaint over the last 15-20 years with her HS friends. She always has to be the person initiating/planning get togethers. With our main couple that go out to dinner with I have actually taken over organizing dinners with them.
I will say though it would be nice to be asked instead of being on the organizing side.
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That is definitely one thing I was going to ask the doctor to do, as I’d heard that. I am wondering if the problem is that I just wasn’t realizing how bad it’s been. Thank you for the suggestion!
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First, I should probably admit that it doesn’t seem to be in my nature to ever be really content especially with myself. H and I had to face the fact that there’s no ideal place to live when looking at all factors so we’re trying to make the best of where we are now. We’re continuing to improve our recently built home to better accommodate our wants as well as our needs and mostly ignoring the nonsense we can’t do anything about.
We both enjoy the time we have with our grandchildren. I’ve mentioned elsewhere how exhausting the GDs can be but we’d never give up this time with them.
We anticipated traveling in retirement, but that was when we thought that grandchildren weren’t in our future. Once younger GD starts school we may try taking some short trips during the week and still be on hand to babysit on weekends. I have some medical issues that make travel, especially by air, problematic and I have anxiety about car trips with H after being a passenger in accidents, one of which was quite serious. I’m trying to find a combination of coping mechanisms that could make travel easier. There are trips I’d love to take our GDs on when they’re a little older, although that will likely mean bringing their parents, too (oh well.)
I can’t honestly say I’m happy with a slow go life, but I try to focus on the positive and appreciate what I have and can do. Whatever whining I do here isn’t a good reflection of how I feel most of the time, and it keeps me from complaining IRL to those who’d worry.
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That sounds like our current area. Twenty five years ago when we first visited here, most of the houses being built were one story. Now remaining available lots are much smaller as well as sloping, and new houses are all multistory. When we came house hunting it looked as if we’d have to retrofit an elevator in anything we bought. Traffic and COL both compared favorably to our previous location decades ago, but no longer as this area has boomed.
In the end, we lucked into a resale on a large and mostly flat lot and after much consideration had the house demolished so we could build a one level house. We have so much more into this house than it would ever appraise for, but it was worth it to get the proximity to our grandkids plus a house that we may never need to leave. Some universal design features were incorporated, but a few minor modifications might be helpful if one of us required a wheelchair permanently. We’re fortunate this was an option. D won’t inherit as much, but she’s getting many hours of free child care and other assistance in the meantime.
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I have a few friends who I grew up with. Unfortunately, none of them live close by and I don’t see them often. When we get together it is wonderful but it rarely happens.
I made lots of friends of other mom through my daughter - playgroup, school, scouts, etc. and most of those fell away when my daughter went off to college. I discovered that we had little in common (besides the kids).
Most of my work friends also fell away when I left whatever job we had met at.
About 20 years ago I joined a book group with a bunch of really nice ladies. Making this new group of friends later in life (when my daughter was grown up), showed me that it is possible to make friends at that age. Even having moved away, I still connect with these women (going on a trip with one in March).
We recently downsized and moved and I have been able to make new friends here. My connection place is the library. Joining library book groups and attending programs has connected me with lots of people of all ages. Some of them are strictly library friends - we chat and connect while at the library. However, I do things with a few of them - brunch, museums, day trip, etc.
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