I have not been alone since I was 26, I don’t think. ShawWife and I have such a mutually supportive and symbiotic relationship that it is not easy to imagine being alone. I am occasionally alone when she travels and I use that for some activities that I don’t do with her. But, it feels a little silly rattling around this huge house on my own. And, I travel a lot without her but that is for work. I’d really have to make a big adjustment. So, I’m hoping not to ever have to deal with that.
We are imagining that as we get older one of our kids (likely ShawD) will move in with partner and kids. That would be especially desirable if there were only one of us.
I have a friend who is always saying how busy she is- I meant to call you but I’ve been so busy. Let’s get together but I’m so busy. How are you…I’m so busy. Said to a few of us. At some point I and others started taking the many comments like this as dismissive, and as prioritizing each of us as a low priority- and subsequently contacting her less. (As mentioned before, busy with?). This has been going on for many years, before and after retirement lifestyle - and paid work has not been part of the equation. As a result I try not to say this phrase “I’m so busy” as a long time issue or without details. Of course I will say I had a busy day. I sometimes say I have plans the next couple days, but how about the day after that, or next week. I just try not to say I’m so busy.
I found when I retired that I was asked to do a lot of different things. I had to learn to say no…or I would never have had a minute of time to myself!
I AM someone who likes to be busy. I think and hope I don’t make that a bragging point IRL. One way or another is not wrong, it’s what makes you happy!
I like having an agenda for each day. It might include some chill time with my iPad or a book but nearly always it includes some tasks for the day. They are not often social tasks or time - just abasket tasks/time! I nearly never sit and watch tv during the day - though H has it on all the time! I enjoy some tv at night but have no interest in consuming during the day - I rely on my and a device in my hand to give me a morning report or entertainment.
I have hobbies, I spend lots of time on the house and cooking and outdoors - I LIKE these things filling my day. I also am semi retired with a part time job so that fills some of my days. If I am walking around the house aimlessly not sure what to do, watch out cause I will be grumpy!
But that’s what works for me and I should not or do not need to broadcast these habits! (Except in this thread lol)
Funny - I am like you. I rarely watch TV during the day. (The exception is sometimes when there is a storm and they are showing the weather - I think that stems from when my kids were young and we would watch for school closings). My husband watches the “old man news” at 6:30, and then I will sometimes watch something with him. I used to say I watched less than an hour of TV a week, but I think COVID cured that. Now I watch for a couple of hours, probably a couple of times a week.
I usually have a few things I plan to accomplish each day - a trip to the bank or grocery, regular appointments, cleaning a specific room in the house for example. Everyday starts with a walk and most days I do go to the gym or Pilates. Television? I am addicted to The Pitt. But too busy with other social obligations to get together with someone? No.
I have a group of college friends who live in my city. We try to get together for drinks/dinner quarterly. One friend in the group does what you’ve described above so we stopped asking her and she hasn’t wondered about it. We don’t post our plans on social media so she wouldn’t know it was happening without her.
Post-pandemic, I’ve found myself more of a homebody. I feel happiest at home with a book or a limited series on a streaming network. I am in limbo with a graduating college senior and an older daughter who will (fingers crossed) start giving me grandchildren in the next year. I know I will get busy helping D2 settle into an apartment and eventually helping D1 with children when she has them - but for now, not much going on.
For those who are in a similar place, what do you tell people when they ask, “What have you been up to?” I struggle with an answer to this because I’m literally up to nothing right now (and I’m not upset about it) but I feel dumb saying “Nothing, really”. I’m trying to come up with a better answer.
We are a slightly unusual case in that we are semi-retired, but still have a kid at home. We sold one business in 2018 so we no longer need to work, but we are too young to sit on a rocking chair. My wife has been busy starting two other businesses - on her own terms without begging for outside capital - and caring for her mother. As CC members will appreciate, we are about to enter the college application gauntlet with Thing #2.
Here are our short and long term plans:
Once Thing #2 graduates high school downsize to a smaller house on one floor in the same town in MI. I’ll likely end up managing my fourth home renovation.
When possible, travel to horse shows across the country in support of one of the new businesses.
My wife already has a management team in place to handle day-to-day management of her new businesses, so that she does not need to work horrendous hours.
After my wife’s mother passes and we no longer have pets, stay in MI but go someplace warm for four to six weeks in February and March. Instead of buying a place down south, we plan to rent an AirBNB in a different location every year.
Once free we plan to travel a lot while we are still relatively young and healthy, working our way through a bucket list.
We will take advantage of our freedom with spontaneous activities or trips, “Let’s to to Saugatuck this weekend.”
We will increase volunteer work with our church, food pantries and guide dog NGO.
When people ask me how I’m doing, I say “Life is interesting.” I think I rarely say I’m busy. In my pre-Pandemic life, it was often really busy – my assistant would squeeze in trips. In Jan 2019, I had a meeting in London, then Vienna, then DC, then home, then back to London, then Mexico City, then home, then Toronto, then San Francisco. And lots of calls when I was at home. That was busy. Now, I am on Teams/Zoom/Webex calls a few hours a day and a business trip maybe once a month and no more than two. So, it would be really hard to say I am busy in my post-Pandemic life.
@JackH2021, I think we are doing most of the things on your list, but are undoubtedly older than you. Like you, we planned to downsize and instead, after six years of looking, bought a house in the same town that was 50% larger. Massive fail. Like you and your wife, I have reorganized my business life so that I have a lot less to manage. We do the 4-6 weeks in the winter in Florida, at the moment. We are going to SF to visit ShawSon and wife, to Japan/Korea to travel with ShawD, spend a summer month at our house in Canada, and are just thinking about taking a long weekend in London to use some of JetBlue Mosaic perks (this is the spontaneous travel). I have upped my proportion of pro bono work. I’m also planning (and dreading) a surgery that would make it easier to stay physically active for the next 10 or so years. Oh, and we live next to a horse farm, so get to see them without traveling.
I had a conversation earlier this week about writing a new book with my co-author. We wrote one book 40 years ago and another 20 years ago, so it is time.
That was us. Wouldn’t even consider owning a property in absentia and definitely wasn’t part of our retirement planning. Ever. Yet here we are. Perhaps unlike life beforehand, the rhythm of retirement has a way of revealing what’s really important to you, what you really enjoy, where you really want to be, etc. As I said upthread, you just have to slow down and let it. It may surprise you (in ways other than property).
Agree on the NO. Have to think about priorities. It’s an art and a skill.
Or YES depending on the situation. Yes to socializing and trying new things that interest you. Instead of No I can’t do that, or No I’m busy.
I do weight training and I’m 70-something. I can lift some heavy weights. Last week, I was tired and wasn’t feeling it and I said something about being an old lady. My trainer (who trains competitive high school weightlifters) looked at me and said, “most old ladies aren’t hitting the gym–give yourself some credit!” Great motivator.
I’m currently on the couch with a heating pad on my left shoulder blade - I must have tweaked it lifting weights yesterday. It didn’t hurt right away … it snuck up on me … but it won’t stop me from continuing my daily workouts. I definitely believe in exercising and walking as ways to stay both physically and mentally healthy.
What am I up to? Whatever I want to be!
That is my answer to questions similar to that :). I am really serious. I spent decades operating on the timelines of other people, and now I’m happy not to. I try not to feel guilty when I don’t do a lot.
I agree with that!
We decided many years ago that we didn’t want to own a vacation home. We like to go to different places, and if we owned one we would feel compelled to go there often. We do own a timeshare, so spend a week or two in Grand Cayman every other year.
and a device in my hand to give me a morning report or entertainment.