We also do the frugal thing. Still in original house – our RE agent reminded us we could buy much more, but the guys were 5 & 6 and noone else was going to pay for college. Dx’d w/leukemia at 41, so have been working intermittently ever since. Threw $$ at retirement no matter what. DH is a govt EE, so we are blessed with decent medical coverage, though it is still expensive. But I’m still here, so there’s that! We are still in serious savings mode for retirement; I anticipate that we will have a really hard time dealing with the spend-down side of life. We both grew up in families that we’re barely holding together financially, so spending has always been a hard choice for us. (Except for college.)
We need lots of house repairs. Tackling some of that this year, as it can’t wait any longer (dead trees overhanging the house, some roof repairs, etc.) I have a 50 yo blue bathroom and we’ve been agonizing over remodeling it for five years. The furniture is ancient (not in a good way) and deteriorating. I need to paint our bedroom. The kitchen cabinets are falling apart. The yard needs serious landscaping work. S2 moved out and I’d like to get that room in shape for visitors. We just can’t muster the enthusiasm to spend $$ on all of this. I’m trying to start on the list this year without getting overwhelmed and paralyzed by how much there is to do.
Our “splurge” is travel – but we do it with FF miles, camping, and budget-minded decisions. My mom and MIL were bedridden before age 65. We are traveling NOW while I can. At least we’ll have the memories (and thousands of pictures) instead of regrets.
My husband and I were huge savers. Retirement and college. We had an older small house and old mid priced cars. We took vacations only every few years. The greatest gift was to be able to say to the kids: you can go anywhere you want. No budget. No loans. More than enough in 529 plans that had done extraordinarily well in the market. ( boglehead strategy).
And then we had a huge unexpected windfall inheritance. For the first time we are traveling in luxury mode. ( first class tickets, 500+ night hotel ). But other than that there’s not much I find we really want. We thought about moving but didn’t feel that would add much to our lives. Other increases are in charitable spending and being very very good tippers ( I feel like I have a lifetime of misery tipping to make up for from the Scrooge like relative I inherited from.)
I think one of my kids funds her 401k as a current tax avoidance method more than a real concern for retirement savings. She is in a high income job, is single, and works hours that preclude her having time to spend her money anyway, so while she is saving for retirement, I don’t think she actually thinks about it in those terms. My middle kid doesn’t fund an IRA and doesn’t have a 401K through work, and because he wants his cash savings readily available for a possible wedding/home purchase in the not too distant future he saves accordingly. Tax/retirement planning is not as big a concern for him right now. @rebeccar, I think that this is a conversation for you and your fiancé to have and for you to address your savings in a manner consistent with your immediate and short term future needs. There are ways to invest that may reduce your risk exposure but still allow you to take advantage of compounding interest for the fitter.
As for my H and me, he is a saver, big time. Our kids are grown, educated through graduate school and supporting themselves now. We have lived our entire adult lives in a very HCOL area, but we are fortunate to have significant retirement savings as well as enough current income (for now) to allow us to think about spending a little more now on those things we’ve been waiting decades to do. He may be involuntarily retired by this summer, and while we never expected retirement in our early 60s, I think we need to change our mindset a little to addressing some of our bucket list items now. I’ve seen those who wait sometimes find that tomorrow never comes, as others have said, and I really don’t want that to happen (not that I can control it, anyway). So, though I love to cook and entertain, nightly dinners bore me to death. We eat out…a lot. Not fine dining, but just out. We can afford it and this is something that makes my life more enjoyable and he’s come around to my way of thinking. I think both the philosophy of saving and the reality are so very individual that it’s hard to do anything than provide anecdotal evidence of individual decisions.
I have always been a saver who prioritized travel. My retirement is looking better all the time, but not flush. I had very lean years in my 30s and early 40s when the kids were young and I worked part time to be with them more, participate in school life etc. Vacations were camping and Amtrack trips to the west, visiting family. Music lessons and camp experiences for kids were important and a lot of resources went in that direction. Giving my kids a good grounding in the arts and cross cultural experiences, as well as outdoor skills was important to me… Though I will admit to having a great time myself sharing these things with them.
So I have been in high savings mode since college ended, got rid of the mortgage, downsized by a lot. However, two good friends died of cancer in the last year, and another is on the way out. As my job is miserable many days, I have cut down on work to enjoy life in the here and now a bit more, go hiking locally, bike and have dinners with friends. It feels so good to do so, though my house may not have the higher level renovations that I would ideally want.
Everyone’s journey is different, and I think we learn as we go.
H and I have always been pretty conservative financially, so we have tried to live within our means. I didn’t set out to stay home with my kids, but I did just that … so that changed our financial plans for almost 20 years. H saved money in his 401k, but not the max due to needing spendable money with only one income. We made choices to forego certain things over the years, but we also chose to have other things. Family vacations were important to us, and I would clean houses for a friend’s cleaning service to fund some of our trips. We did private school for a few key years for each kid, and we paid for their college.
In 2007 or 2008, my H’s employer froze pensions. Around the same time, I went back to work full time. We have saved aggressively in our 401k/403b accounts in order to make sure we have adequate resources for retirement. We are now at the point where we really want to retire, but we are trying to hang in for a few more years. Although H has worked for his employer since 1976, his pension will be reduced for each month he retires prior to 62 years & a few months. We have a lot saved, but we don’t feel it is quite enough - H’s family lives forever!!
We have watched our parents sacrifice and never enjoy themselves while they could still do so. We have had friends pass away before they could do the things they wanted to do. We are at that crossroads ourselves now, knowing that we need to take the trips we want or do the things we want to do before we cannot do them. It’s a balancing act.
I love to travel. I have found that enjoyment of a trip does not depend on how much money I spent on it. My last big trip I walked the Camino de Santiago. The best times were nights I spent in albergues for 10 Euros a night. It’s the people you spend time with that make the fun, not how many stars the hotel has.
We traveled with our kids when they were young because we felt it was part of their education. We did not usually go to resorts. We went to national parks, sometimes camping. We went to historic places. It was fun. Some of our best memories now that the kids are grown.
So spending and saving is not either or. Save yes, but live your life. Enjoy your youth. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to do that.
A life of saving doesn’t preclude a life of excitement and fun. Like @TatinG we traveled extensively when our boys were young, not only for family fun but for their educational purposes, as well. After paying $106 just for a night at a rundown Motel 6 (the cheapest we could find) in Jackson, WY in 2005, we went all tent camping after that. Of course, the kids loved the camping experience a whole lot more. Since my passion is photography, we now have thousands of photos to reminisce those times by when the kids are off to their respective colleges and as we grow even older and looking at our retirement. We use points for air travel, and all four of us are off to visit South Korea for a month this summer all on points. When we visit relatives in other states, we don’t have to stay in hotels or pay for expensive meals eating out, as we have mutual unspoken agreement that they can stay at our house and eat our cooked meals when they visit us. Great family get-together without costing a fortune.
So there are many creative ways to enjoy one’s life while saving for kids’ college education as well as for retirement. Oh, one funny story: once, we decided to take a road trip to CA camping our way when my kids were young. Along this trip, we stopped in Las Vegas and stayed a night at Circus Circus Hotel which is known as children friendly hotel. While in CA we took the kids to their first ever trip to Disneyland for three days. Making the story short, upon returning home after two weeks road trip, I asked the kids to write down all the places that we’ve visited (geography lessons). They got everything right except, interestingly, they left out Las Vegas and Disneyland. When I asked them what was their most favorite part of the trip, both kids unanimously said, “playing with the sand and waves at the beach in San Diego with grandma.” Now, that’s the MasterCard “priceless” commercial right there. The time spent on the beach with grandma didn’t cost any, yet gave them the greatest pleasure and happiness. Both Las Vegas and especially 3-days entrance fee at Disneyland cost us a lot, yet the memory of time spent in those places were forgettable. We never went to either places after that.
^^^Agree its not the dollar amount that creates the most fun. Our students still say the best vacation was driving down the CA coast from the Redwoods to Monterey/Carmel to Big Sur, Santa Barbara, Solvang then Santa Monica. It wasn’t the pricey vacation on the greek isles (although that was nice), or the 17 H flight to Hong Kong, shoppers’ paradise. They still talk about the hair pin winding turns and the drenching rain at Big Sur and trying to hug the sequoia sempervirens.
Some will most fondly remember the grand trips and trips to Disneyland. Everyone is different. My D doesn’t like camping and we don’t have family with homes to accommodate us, nor would I consider visiting family a vacation. To each their own. But yes, it’s about balance based on personal preferences. I feel sad for those describing the decades of austerity they willingly imposed on themselves to save for college or retirement. Life is too short. I know too many who saved all their lives and did without life’s pleasures, only to die or get seriously ill before they could enjoy their savings. Live today and save some for tomorrow, then there will be no regrets.
“Our students still say the best vacation was driving down the CA coast from the Redwoods to Monterey/Carmel to Big Sur, Santa Barbara, Solvang then Santa Monica.”
Funny you say this. We were planning on doing exactly this at the end of this month, except the order of travel is from San Diego to Yosemite. This morning, I awoke to a Facebook feature on this drive from Travel Channel, too. Unfortunately, my wife came down with shingles recently and had to scratch the plan.
I grew up with a lot of vacations and entertainment opportunities. However, I also grew up with my parents fighting over bills, not being able to afford colleges, never feeling secure financially. Honestly they were lucky there were no medical emergencies, no house fires, no meteors falling on us.
When I started working, no one told me about 401k accounts. I put in what I needed to get to get the match, cashed out that first one to buy a house, cashed out a second one when I lost a job. I wish I’d had better advice about saving and spending.
My daughter is about to start her first real job. I am going to explain to her about the 401k savings and every day savings for the vacations and fun stuff. I’m not sure she should save the maximum of $18k, but 10% is a good target.
My sister was highly paid in her young professional days. She saved a lot. It allowed her to leave her Wall Street firm and become a 4th grade teacher when she was in her early 50’s. She makes about 1/6th of what she did
“However, I also grew up with my parents fighting over bills, not being able to afford colleges, never feeling secure financially.”
Solid point. Being financially secure is a wonderful feeling and, to me at least, is much better than any consumer purchase makes me feel. It also supposedly one of the big contributors to intact marriages
Wouldn’t it be better to have a contingent fund that can last a longer period of time, since losing a job during an industry or economic downturn can mean years of unemployment?
Of course, once the time period that the contingent fund can support your living becomes greater than your most optimistic remaining life expectancy, you have the option to retire if you choose to do so.
One of the things we’ve done is start IRAs for our children, because they just don’t make enough to have disposable incomes. We put a little bit in every birthday. We advise them to save what they can, even if it’s only 20$. But we also advise that if they really want the new tv, or the trip to a concert, to set the money aside and go with a light heart.
I find these threads really enlightening, seriously. Clearly one family’s splurge is another family’s austerity. We’ve never been able to afford to fly anywhere, we only have one credit card that we pay off every month, we’ve never been abroad, never even considered it or Disney or …even camping costs money if you consider starting from scratch. So thanks to everyone for sharing.
Another difference is our reactions to unexpected disasters. Ours have made us even more wary, not less so.
@jym626 lol. She’s getting what I would have paid for her to go to our state flagship. Since I’m not paying anything for college, I’m gifting her that money. She can use it for grad school, down payment on a condo/house, or sit on it. Her choice. My parents weren’t able to help much while I was in college or after. I’m able to help her, so will do so.
As long as there is some saving and some splurging, I think it’s something every family needs to decide for themselves.
H and I are basically savers and we have always made sure to make that a priority. In many ways I considered staying home with the kids for 10 years to be a splurge. No health issues or special needs and I gave up a career in a well paying field. As for travel, we are not campers or “rough it” types so when the kids were young it was pretty much visiting family. The kids actually loved being with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and have a lot of happy memories of those trips. We did Disney World once, and the kids like it, but didn’t love it and never asked to go back. We started traveling more as the kids got older and I was working again. In the last several years we have taken some very nice family trips in the US, Canada and Europe.
H and I both turn 61 soon and many of our friends are retired. In theory we could, but we are continuing to work and save for the next 3-4 years.
@itsgettingreal17 - totally understand and nice that you are in a position to do that!
These threads come up often. As have said before, we were in the “start saving as early as possible” camp. I didnt finish grad school til age 27 and started saving then, even though I had some student loans to repay. Saved up and put a down payment on a townhouse and furnished it. When I met DH he had savings but not a lot of “stuff” so we were a good fit, as I had the furnished townhouse. Agree that funding retirement should precede funding college for our kids if one has to choose one over the other, but its of course ideal to do both.
@rebeccar - if possible, take as much as you can from your wedding cash gifts and put it into investments (mutual funds, etc) and let it grow. You will appreciate it down the road. We had both s’s do computer work for my business for a uber or two(sequentially- had DS#2 do it when DS#1 went to college) and “paid” them just enough that we could then immediately convert to a Roth. They didn’t appreciate it at the time, and DS#2 commented once that he got ribbed in college for being the only one of his friends with a Roth, but they both really appreciate it now.