She needs to relax. No college should be removed from the list until:
She doesn’t have to take the calls. I just started saying D2 wasn’t home when the phone rang too often from colleges (she hated talking to them – after the first call, I don’t think she ever talked to one). And just read the emails to confirm there is no extra money in them, and move on. It is just a marketing ploy from them at this point. Treat it as such, set them aside for now, and see what else comes in.
Sometimes kids are really in a rush to get this process done. There is no need to be. It will all be over in a few months anyway.
@intparent and other folks who may be concerned about reluctance to consider schools which are further away but may be good options – just my perspective but, with families which are on the edge, financially and emotionally, there can be a strong, almost overwhelming sense of needing to be physically close enough to get back home in the event things really implode. I know I experienced that, as did my siblings. There can be almost a physical tie which keeps the student “within shouting distance.” It may not be rational, but it is a real response to a precarious existence. In my mind, expecting a young person to push beyond that response, is asking more than may be realistic.
@intparent or maybe in two weeks with StO. It’s so hard to see her hope so hard, terribly worried it will be like G. Which is why I was so relieved about Earlham. She got Knox which she loves the school but I don’t think they’re going to be able to close the gap or come close, maybe? I don’t know we haven’t gotten the full package yet they were trying to look for a little more money. But she got into drake which is actually one of the best schools in the Midwest, she wants to take them off the list, and I didn’t think they were going to close the gap at her AO is working on it. He actually grew up in my neighborhood, and he’s coming to town the last week in January and would like to sit down and talk to her I’m hoping that she’ll at least do that.
@Momof2girlsandafrenchie You changed your name! But I have to ask - what about your son?
@wisteria100 I know…I didn’t think that they were going to do it, and I got the email rather late at night asking me what I wanted my name to be, and I was tired. I couldn’t think of anything and I didn’t want it to be school specific…I don’t know, I guess I didn’t add him because he’s 25? But when I saw it changed today, I felt so guilty. And I was responding to an email so I didn’t have anyway to check to see if a user name was one I could use. I assumed there weren’t a lot of people that had “frenchie” in their user name.
I think he will forgive me if he finds out. But no worries that I spent my whole weekend focused on parenting him. He was in kind of a bind. But I do feel kind of guilty, not kind of, really guilty. And the truth is he probably wouldn’t even care but I just feel bad
I just want to respond that the OP has stated her D has some challenges and has managed to be very successful regardless (awesome). One thing that resonates with me, the mom of a similar kiddo is that her daughter likes on and thrives with the structure of current high school. College is so much less structured and even with supports in place it is much less than what a home life and high school provide. When I first starting reading this thread I too thought her D should cast a wide net across the US for better results and more options. As the thread moved on with more information I think that it is very wise to stay closer to home just in case. Just my Mom thoughts and instincts going off.
I think a visit to St.O in the next few weeks will be unlikely. Mpls is hosting the Superbowl on 2/1, and anything and everything will be booked. I lived there the last time they hosted, and it was very difficult to do anything during that 2 weeks before the event and a few days afterward. Add the Minnesota weather, and it is tough and expensive to plan travel…
It’s not that hard to travel between two major cities, but it can be quite difficult to travel from Kansas City, KANSAS to upstate NY, or Gettysburg or Washington College on the eastern shore of MD. Plus in the very first post it was stated that the daughter didn’t want a college with Greek Life.
My daughter is 2000 miles away and the travel is rather easy, from one major airport to another, and then someone picks her up as it is about an hour to the Orlando airport. She could fly into her college city, but that would mean changing planes in Atlanta and costs about 3x as much. Anyway, that doesn’t matter much right now as she’s got the flu and I can’t get there and she can’t get here. I think she’s going to end up in the hospital tonight as she can’t breathe and there is something wrong with her eye (probably another infection). If it were only 6 hours away, I’d drive there right now.
@twoinanddone, I hope your daughter recovers quickly!
@twoinanddone I’m so sorry. I’ll keep her in my thoughts. This flu season is particularly nasty. My heart hurts for you. Please keep me posted.
@Veryapparent I like mom instinct, I trust it. And it’s refreshing when we can all relate on the parent level. She’s been responsible for so much here at much, I know she’ll adapt but the other part of me worries because She creates that structure in a situation she can control. I can’t decide how much of my fear is based in reality or is based in the fact that I’m getting down to no kids at home. And they are my babies.
@twoinanddone hoping your daughter has an easier night, and that she improves quickly. Worrying from afar, and feeling the frustration of not being able to be there is the absolute worst part of parenting a young adult. Hugs.
Having her far away has been hard for other things, like I don’t really know all her teammates and friends and I can’t go to all her games, her projects and presentations. First world problems. This is a whole different kind of hard. I spoke to her tonight and she sounds worse. She’ll go back to the health center tomorrow because she’s having a problem with her eye (assuming an infection). I think she’s just miserable. She even turned down Chinese soup.
My other daughter is 150 miles away and I’ve been able to go to a few things at her school, or watch her play hockey in towns that are half way. There are advantages to staying close and I understand why OP’s daughter wants a school that is closer to home.
@twoinanddone, sure hope she springs back quickly. I totally get the distance thing and for those searching out schools, be sure to research travel. Most recently my daughter’s first choice for study abroad was New Zealand but, as much as I wanted her to go where she wanted, we talked a lot about the what ifs? Being low income just adds another component to the issue. No way could I hop a plane and get to her within 24 hours if needed.
Please keep us updated on your daughter’s recovery.
@twoinanddone You certainly raise valid points and they may even be things my D Is thinking about. And I would not be able to get to her quickly or at all in situation like this. I’m thinking of you and yours.
I know moving the StO app to RD has been taken off the table but I hope the OP understands what could happen here. Her D could get accepted with a good package and attend. And it could be too far from home and the incidentals could cost too much. Maybe one of the more local LACs that are calling do make more sense. She could be a superstar at one of those. Big fish in a little pond can be a good thing. Paired with a package that works, it’s starting to look like the best fit.
@homerdog, there is a direct bus from St. Olaf/Northfield to Kansas City (other students from St. Olaf and Carleton take it) and while it takes 6 hours the cost is only $140 round-trip - seems like a reasonable travel plan for a regional school.
@twoinanddone, best wishes for her speedy recovery. Am hearing its a bad flu season - glad we all got flu shots, even though they are only 30% effective this season.
@Chembiodad StO is approx a 6 hour drive for me. If there were an emergency I could do it. I couldn’t just do it on a whim though. I am the only person who works at my business, if I’m not here and a customer calls, I lose business, which means I might not have enough money that month…but who knows how things will look next fall.
The distance works and the rigor works. I have concerns that the school that is reaching out so much negotiating costs with me might not be rigorous enough.
And I would have to get my D hooked. She isn’t.
Good info on the direct bus line. That’s certainly a reasonable amount if she needs to come home over a shorter break and I can’t go get her.
I’m still not sure she’ll be accepted. Much of what I’m doing right now is to try to have a good back up plan, in case this is another Grinnell situation.
The school that I was referring to has her package at approx $7000 in loans a year right now. Don’t quote me on that I have the numbers but it’s somewhere in that neighborhood. I’m just not sure that they are worth that much. But I could be wrong. It was so easy to get focused in on $5500 in loans. If the package at Earlham is like StO NPC, we might be done looking, after she visits. I don’t know if Knox is going to get close yet. But my D would consider it a done deal at Knox if the numbers were like the numbers this other school is giving us. I just don’t think that’s the school. But she should visit, because maybe it is? But to get that extra $5000 a year she has to visit in January and she doesn’t want to do that because she thinks she needs to wait to hear from StO. FA package from Earlham should be here today, in her inbox at 5PM.
ETA: When a school tries to “fear of loss” us, it makes me uncomfortable. It’s the oldest sales trick in the book and it’s never worked on me. I think that why I am put off by the school. It’s not only the $5000 a year but the travel reimbursement is increased if you visit by a certain date. And what if you don’t have the money to wait for reimbursement?
@Momof2girlsandafrenchie, I have never heard a school put a time limit, outside of May 1st, on extra merit scholarship monies being offered - doesn’t sound like a good fit as what happens in years 2, 3 and 4???
@homerdog I agree. This is the unfortunate reality of the College search/decision process. The cost of attendance is significantly higher than the College estimates. It’s all of the hidden extras that start to add up, like a laptop, dorm supplies, (real) emergency travel costs, insurance, school supplies, family travel (for visits), social costs, clothing costs (if you are attending in a different climate) etc.
The schools (their donors (endowment) and the full pay students (annual operating budget)) can only cover so much, at some point there’s costs well beyond the FA package.