Do you know for sure that those kids were actually “continuous, excessive screaming/ shrieking that sounded like someone was seriously injured or being abused.”? And did this playtime take place during the middle of the day or during local noise ordinance quiet hours?
Am curious as this could be similar to what I witnessed when an older middle aged man in my old building 2 decades ago called in the NYPD on a group of schoolchildren for normal levels of noise one would expect from schoolchildren returning home from school at :3:30 - 4 pm.
When the local cops found out what was really going on from interviewing everyone including yours truly, they ended up reading the riot act against the complainer for “wasting their time” with an invalid complaint considering the children were just acting as normal schoolchildren returning home would be expected to behave. And they warned him that if he called them in again for such invalid complaints, they would arrest him for “wasting their time”. Upon seeing/hearing that, the vast majority of my neighbors who witnessed what happened and yours truly cheered.
Also, one issue with anonymous notes is that they can and have been used by busybodyish neighbors with a serious case of “get off my lawnitis” or pranksters who may not even be neighbors with nothing better to do with their time than to write up such notes to stir up trouble with the mom/family/neighbors.
You are assuming that the police were there about his noisy car… There is no way to know that for sure. It could be about one of their kids or maybe he was making a complaint about someone else. I would not go back and talk to him.
@Lindagaf - I think you acted correctly. It would taken a lot of courage for me to do that as I hate confrontation.
Where I live the noise ordinance allowable decibel limits change at 7 AM on weekdays and 8 AM on weekends. The noise you are describing would bother me, and I don’t even want to think about the noxious smoke drifting around from engine revving. It would give me an instant headache if I were close enough. I have shrieking children as neighbors and I love them. So much better than the silence of indoor video games…
I think I am in a similar jam. In my case, over weeds. On one side of their property, my next door neighbor has an overgrown weeds. I did, too, on that side. Soon after I took care of my side, the township came out and gave them a citation. We have an ordinance about overgrown weeds. I wouldn’t be surprised if they think I called the township.
I agree with you, @Lindagaf - you have nothing to apologize for. Don’t. And I would not stop by again or leave a note referencing the police incident. If he is a nuisance, you will have other opportunities to talk to him again, and you can at that time mention in passing (if it is appropriate and you don’t come across as seeming to be snoopy for noting the police at his home) happening to see the police at his home and hope all is ok, but that if it was noise related , then it seems other neighbors must have been disturbed as well. Don’t bring cookies. That almost seems like a reward, not a gesture of good will.
You are not in the wrong, so do not need to be deferential or apologetic. Sounds like you were appropriately matter-of-fact and polite, and you are in the right. Hopefully his kids wont retaliate. Hopefully since they weren’t involved in the incident, it will be a non-issue. Stay safe. But don’t let them intimidate you.
@Lindagaf be careful- in my case the kids did retaliate. I won’t go into detail because what they did was very disturbing. They also gave us the middle finger whenever they saw us. All of this because they thought that we called the police ( we didn’t).
I do believe you have a right to sleep without this noise and I don’t believe you did anything wrong by discussing it politely with him. My concern is what may happen moving forward. If he shouted at you for this, who knows…
I understand we’ve all had various experiences with neighbors. But LG is already concerned (even if just a bit) and the advice to be cautious is good, but I’m not sure we should alarm her.
And I’ll admit I just don’t get the cookies and mea culpa ideas. It’s not just some “reward.” It says you’re contrite. And can minimize the real problem. In behavior terms, it would be acknowledging he’s in the “right” position, his wants exceed yours. Really, in a perfect world, he would be the contrite one, he would bring the cookies. (So to say.)
Linda, if you’re handling this on your own, see if you can find some safety in numbers.
I didn’t see anyone suggesting contrition. I don’t equate bringing baked goods with being contrite. It’s being nice. It’s signaling good intention. In this case it may not even have made sense to make an overture at all given that the neighbors knew each other and already had had interactions.
My advice and general orientation stands: If you are going to approach a neighbor directly, it’s best to do it in as nonjudgmental a way as possible and to prevent the person from jumping into a defensive posture. As a general rule, humans don’t react well when they feel attacked, regardless of how right or wrong they are. If I felt I could not do that, I’d bypass the neighbor completely and go directly to the appropriate authorities.
Add me as another who wouldn’t be trotting over with cookies. If I was on the other side, I wouldn’t eat them anyway. Not going to be eating baked goods from someone I don’t know too well and just had an “altercation” with. (I know lindagaf was calm but not the other guy).
Honestly, at this point, I would drop by the police station and have a chat. I’d let them know I talked to the neighbor about the noise issue and make them aware of his out of proportion response. Better safe than sorry and if things escalate (odds are they won’t), at least it’s on record.
Knowing our neighbors across the street, if we brought them cookies in this kind of situation, they would be suspicious and refuse the gift! Seriously. I would never try that.
It’s the timing that signals contrition. It’s after the fact of upsetting him by suggesting the noise is an issue. Same with leaving a note and your phone number.
Separately, you can take him cookies at Christmas or invite him to your Labor Day bbq.
Yeah, it’s not going to work with people with a track record and it doesn’t work with people who start out hostile. It works best with new neighbors or people with whom you have a blank slate and who may be open to problem solving. I am forever happy that I reached out to our former next door neighbors with the barking dog. We ended up friends and I cried right along with her when that sweet dog died. But yeah, the people in my current neighborhood, while not at all problem people and generally very respectful of others, would regard cookies with great suspicion. We have an annual pot luck dinner in the neighborhood and my immediate neighbors don’t come. You have to evaluate your audience and the best way to handle things.
I think I would stay away now. She already stated her piece politely, was yelled at, and has a right not to be woken up by this noise. If it happens again I would let the police or town handle it. The bottom line is that people have to follow the rules. If this neighbor continues to violate the ordinance despite being spoken to nicely by a neighbor… that tells us something about this man.
I’m curious, do you know what type of “loud race car” is it? I’m wondering if it’s legal to be driven on the street(s). Usually it’s the Harley motorcycles and leaf blowers that get all the complaints.
Being the owner of a loud, but legal, old race car that I rarely use, Sunday 7:45 AM starts aren’t in the cards in my neighborhood. I could, but I don’t. Once a month, the local club will have Saturday 8:30 AM breakfasts somewhere, but I don’t attend. I will wait to start it until much later. And I don’t 'tune it" in the driveway. I start it, warm it up and then leave.
Here’s the thing in my view, neighbors have loud adult and kids’ parties occasionally and a few even have outdoor movies until roughly midnight, but I’m OK with it. Everyone makes some noise from time to time. I’d approach the neighbor at some point and just ask them to be cognizant of their neighbors. And it’s all cool. Who knows, they may move out anyway.
I should not have read this thread! One of my neighbors is a pain and similar to some of the ones y’all are complaining about. The others are just as nice as can be, but this weekend they told me they are putting their house up for sale to move out of town. Now all can think about is all the ways the new neighbors could make my life miserable!
I don’t think you should put a note in their mailbox. I think it is best left alone right now. You don’t know why the police were there. Moreover, at some point you may decide that you do need to call the police about this guy. Better not leave him with a hand written note that he can try to frame as part of a local harassment campaign against him or something.
We learned after we bought this house that there was a home day care center kitty corner behind us. Why it wasn’t mentioned in the appropriate section of the pre-sale documents (although that paperwork did mention other neighbors had dogs who occasionally barked), I have no idea. It did sometimes get noisy with screaming kids and crying babies. But the only time we complained was when they had a party for all their clients which lasted well after midnight with music and lights. We went over the next day and introduced ourselves and mentioned the party had a been a bit loud so late at night.
Sympathy to @vistajay because the day care house was just sold and we have no idea who will move in; it has been peaceful since the day care moved out at the start of July. As long as they don’t add a second story that could look over into our yard…
@sushiritto It’s a muscle car, and it sounds a lot like this. Bear in mind, it’s not possible to fully “hear” this unless you are there. Watch to the one minute mark after the ad:
Sorry, the link won’t appear. Anyway, it’s a big rally muscle car with a giant engine, designed for racing.
I don’t think asking OP to be careful and to be mindful of possible safety concerns is uncalled for considering the hot rodder apparently was inclined to angrily yell at her while she was trying to politely explain why revving up a car is a serious issue in the early morning. Especially if the revved up hot rod could be heard from a quarter mile away.
Someone bad temper enough to start yelling at someone politely expressing a complaint as OP did is a red flag OP would be prudent to account for in future interactions…and possibly consider avoiding confrontations altogether and delegating all future handling of the issue to the local authorities.
(I know lindagaf was calm but not the other guy).