I think you did the right thing. Probably better for the kid than telling the police.
The fact that she seemed about to cry makes me think this has happened before. Or something similar. That’s a pretty strong reaction. In the absence of other issues with your child, would any of you have cried if you learned your child had a fake ID? I think there is more to the story. And it’s probably something the mom needed to know.
I think you did the right thing.
“In the absence of other issues with your child, would any of you have cried if you learned your child had a fake ID?”
Maybe she was already having a crappy day. Maybe she is an emotional person. Maybe she was embarrassed. Or just really angry with her kid. I could think of many scenarios.
Back when my S was in college in the city, he had a fake ID. It was a rite of passage at his school. Not a drinking/diving issue because it is a city school–no cars. On the way home one day, he left his wallet in Port Authority (!). As he was on the way home, a woman called our house to say she’d found his wallet – called a friend in NJ who looked up our phone number. She was taking a later bus home to the same town, so she agreed to meet us there S got home in the middle of this–pretty shocked when I asked him if he knew where his wallet was (“Uh, I guess not, but apparently you do, mom!”). We met the incredibly helpful woman at the bus stop. She handed S his wallet, including a fairly large amount of money, and the two IDs. Thankfully, she didn’t turn it in–he’d probably have been arrested by NYC police. (Full disclosure: I knew he had it, and wasn’t worried. He was and is not a big drinker, but local bars were the hangout at his college.)
Anyway, i’m really glad you didn’t give it to the sheriff. And glad his Mom knows.
I would probably have turned it into the police and let them deal with the phony ID issue. To me, it’s a legal issue. Phony ID’s are illegal. What guarantee would I have that the kid’s parents would care enough to see to it that he didn’t drink and drive?
Lots of folks would have just popped the whole thing into a mailing envelope…and sent it back. I’m thinking that’s what I would have done.
just want to clarify this kid is a high school junior - not college student. If he was over 18 or a college student I wouldn’t have given his wallet to his mom.
@techmom99 There is nothing that you can do that guarantees he does not drink and drive (if he is drinking) but now his parents can deal with it without hugely impacting the kid’s life.
I think you did a mitzvah by returning the wallet to the mom. I don’t have an issue with the fake ID. I had one in college. I was barely 21 when I graduated, and that ID let me go out with friends &b/f. I don’t think I ever ordered a drink.
I think you did right thing, I would have done the same.
If your kids are into live music, having a fake or borrowing an id from another student isn’t that uncommon. Many, many music venues are 21+. Fake ID can mean underage drinking but it isn’t the only use of a fake.
@thumper1 while I do feel safe approaching neighbors here I don’t trust the postal service one bit! We have huge problem with mis-directed packages and “lost” mail. Three out of four Christmas cards with checks from the inlaws never arrived plus it would cost me more to send the wallet than to deliver it myself.
If I were the kids mom in that situation, I would appreciate how you handled the situation. You did the kid a favor by not taking it to the sheriff. He would have been in far more trouble had you done that. And you did the mom a favor by letting her know what her kid was up to, so that she could handle it as she sees fit.
I think you did the right thing. You aren’t responsible for the mom’s reaction.
And racing through the gate is a tradition where my sister lives. She calls it “training”–just don’t be the “caboose”!
You did the right thing. Fake IDs are common, but as a mom, I’d want to know. Who knows their situation? That kid could have been in trouble all the time, and you gave her useful information, or she could have thought he was the perfect kid, and you opened her eyes. I would be grateful, and particularly so that this info came from a stranger and not a gossipy neighbor.
As for the kid, well, he reaped what he sowed. It’s really not a big deal, and he will grow up.
@gearmom -
Maybe talking to a cop would scare him straight. Also, in my state, if you are caught drinking and driving while underage, you can lose your license till you turn 21. A chat now might avert something like that for this kid. A HS kid that is already using fake ID is on his way to big trouble.
@doschicos - My D is a musician. She just didn’t play those venues until she turned 21. Using a phony ID was not on her radar.
The only “fake id” any of us ever carried is an old HS id I carry for D2. She often shows up without her college student id when there is a discount on tickets. So I carry it so we can get her the discount (legit, just a lapse on her part to leave the id behind). 8-|
@techmom99 We don’t even know what happened. He may have never even used the ID. He might have just got one with cousin Joey this summer while in SC to be cool. If you bring it to the police, he could be facing charges which might derail his education, wide spread embarrassment for the family. This way the parents can work with him. He certainly wasn’t trying hard to hide it and didn’t have a lot of money.
There are PLENTY of high school kids who have or have had fake IDs (especially for music venue) who don’t have any trouble at all. It is not too uncommon in some areas apparently. I certainly knew people growing up who had them and they are NO trouble. I always looked 12 so I never had one but it doesn’t mean the kid is going to be a criminal.
Now the family can deal with it privately without the whole community branding him an alcoholic world class criminal-in-training.
And the kid may get to explain that to his mother. “I have the ID to go the music place.”
She might believe him.
@gearmom had to google “Baby Driver” sounded like a good flick and just watched it. Really enjoyed it too, but alas I need to drive <5 mph to back out of a drive way with the help of DH and a back up camera! Now going forward, that I’m good at;-)