<p>OK, b - that’s one too many for you. Water or coffee? Get you a cab?</p>
<p>Oops- I guess I gave myself away when I selected my screen name.</p>
<p>Red wine please…or a Tequiza! ;)</p>
<p>And why a cab? You won’t give me a lift? :(</p>
<p>Sure! Let me get my bike. 
</p>
<p>It’s a three speed. 
Someday I want a TEN speed. :D</p>
<p>Dang, I had to find the <em>only</em> designated bicycler around… 
</p>
<p>Is chivalry dead on CC? <em>sigh</em></p>
<p>Well, I’ve been lurking arond cc for a long time. I’ve seen the attacks last year on marite, berurah, robyrm, garland and yes, even you citigirlsmom. But there is a difference between challenging a statement and unnecessarily attacking the person who said it, their family, their dog, their profession, their favorite color or whatever. In my lurker observation, several well intentioned people (who did make several efforts to “try” if you will, to be supportive, even if they disagreed with some of the statements) got egregiously hit with both barrels. Seemed unkind and unnecessary to me. But people do unusual things when they get defensive and get their hackles up. Its what they do afterward, when the dust settles, that may be more important. Ok- back to lurker status.</p>
<p>Let’s see, a female dropout would be a dropoutette? :)</p>
<p>I think I got that one. :D</p>
<p>
<strong><em>PLEASE</em></strong> DO NOT go back to lurker status!!! We would love to have you participate! </p>
<p>What you said NEEDED to be said. <em>REALLY</em> good people have left this forum or taken loooooooooooooong leaves because of this kind of behavior. Many others have stayed in lurker status (I am in touch with some of them via pm, even those who NEVER post, but who have reached out to me privately.) Much of this rude behavior is overlooked, especially if it comes from long-term or “valued” posters. All posters, regardless of their amount of time on this forum, need to both be TREATED respectfully and BE respectful of others. No one should be above this expectation.</p>
<p>TheDropout, I thank you for having the nerve to say this. Too few people have done so. ~berurah</p>
<p>True - the more the merrier.</p>
<p>on the other hand, one might make the point that in real life one has to be constantly careful not to hurt feelings but that the appeal of this computer world might be the relative freedom from repercussions. If we have to tiptoe around every delicate soul’s nerve-endings for fear of driving them back into their darkness, doesn’t that prohibition remove one of the most magical dimensions to this brave new world? Really, let’s not girlify into bloodlessness every dang thing that breathes fire.</p>
<p>
huh??? Please explain.</p>
<p>While “this computer world might be the relative freedom from repurcussions”, this isn’t just the vacuous www, it is a moderated forum with policies and procedures. the very first guidelines is:</p>
<p>“Courtesy. At College Confidential, we expect discussion to be courteous even when disagreement may be vigorous. When writing your messages, please use the same courtesy that you would show when speaking face-to-face with someone. Flames, insults, and personal attacks will not be tolerated. It’s fine to disagree with opinions, ideas, and facts, but always with respect for the other person”.</p>
<p>There is a difference between tiptoe-ing around feelings and coming at them with a 2X4. The above policies are in place for a reason. They are not our rules, thaey are the rules of the owners of this domain. We should abide by them. </p>
<p>I, too, greatly appreciate the observations and kind statement from TheDropout. Speaking only for myself, I am truly sorry that many of the statements I made were misunderstood. I did not intentionally try to demean, or to hurt anyone’s feelings.</p>
<p>
This represents the functional opposite of my feelings about an internet bulletin board. To me, the posters here do not cease to be “real people” simply because they are more anonymous than they are IRL. And for me, the benefits of the medium do not center around opportunities to NOT CARE about others and their feelings, but rather to care about MORE <em>REAL</em> people and their feelings, people who we may not have the PRIVILEGE and HONOR of meeting IRL due to distance. </p>
<p>I find the quoted sentiment distressing, though I can’t say that I’m surprised that there are some out there who feel this way. As TheDropout so correctly pointed out, I have been attacked by some of them.</p>
<p>If any of you were to meet me IRL, you would find the SAME EXACT person that you “see” online. NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL. NONE. And because I allow for that personal and from-the-heart disclosure in myself, I treat others with the same respect that that should elicit. When people share from the heart, they DESERVE that consideration. Period.</p>
<p>Showing sensitivity and respect to others is ALWAYS a good thing. And ALL souls, including (and perhaps especially) “delicate” ones should be treated kindly.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Wow! As of right now, this thread has had 8,311 views and 352 posts. So, if posts represent only about 4% of activity on the thread, there sure are a lot of lurkers out there.</p>
<p>I think most of the lurking was viewers checking in as one particular poster self-destructed. It was kind of like a car wreck that you know you should just drive by without looking at, but were compelled to check out anyway.</p>
<p>Let’s be nice. :)</p>
<p>my instinct leads me to look under the rock of ‘niceness’ where there are usually some more interesting sentiments crawling about. And I don’t think it is possible or wise to be the same person to all people. Kindness is often giving people what they need at that moment. Sorry though if my darkness causes you distress. Regarding the ‘repurcussions’, in real life I think most people keep their opinions to themselves. That is what I hear is considered proper manners. I look at cc as something of a masked ball where the guests are at liberty to reveal whatever of their mysterious selves as they so choose. If you wish to go about unmasked, that is your prerogerative. But there is more than that one way. I understand the rules of this domain. I just think you underestimate the appeal of anonymity and the license it can and does give to the gossip impulse.</p>
<p>Interesting. So bbs conversations are thus more ‘real’ for lack of consequence? I would tend to agree. Sort of like crowd behavior, to an extent.</p>
<p>I guess what motivates me sometimes is empathy for folks who present an authentic context of need (not want). That’s a high hurdle, though. ;)</p>
<p>p2n-
I am sure it will be obvious as soon as you say, but what is a “bbs” conversation?</p>
<p>
I think it is important to be true to myself, always. That doesn’t necessarily translate into being “the same person to all people.” In fact, our interactions with others, because they involve give and take and the friction of meshing personalities, can be quite diverse. And I’ll go ya one step further…I have no desire to interact with “all people.” Some I’m best without. ;)</p>
<p>
<br>
Actually, I <em>don’t</em> underestimate the appeal of anonymity, but it’s just not in my psychological make-up to benefit from it in the way that you described. I mean, I’ve always wondered, sometimes longingly, what it might be like to be able to embrace blind faith or sex-as-sport, but those things aren’t in my make-up either. :)</p>
<p>Of course, rorosen, this board is yours to treat as you see fit as much as it is anybody’s…so have at it.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p><kindness is=“” often=“” giving=“” people=“” what=“” they=“” need=“” at=“” that=“” moment.=“”></kindness></p>
<p>Worth repeating. :)</p>