@conmama , you asked about men hanging on to stuff. Years ago, I hear a segment on NPR about how for many men, the seemingly useless items they keep represent who they used to be (old sports equipment) or who they want to be (free weights and home repair tools!) and that parti g with the item is so closely linked eith parting with those past pr potential selves that they cannot do it. This is pretty accurate in our house although I admit it is not a characterization that applies exclusively to the man of the house.)
I like the KonMari approach of dealing with one type of item at a time. It’s much easier to part with a black shirt when you realize you have four (and you’d reach for the other 3 first every time.) Personally, I prefer to ask “if I ran into an old BF wearing this, how would I feel?” rather than “does this give me joy?” Maybe disgrace is a better emotion for me!
And while I don’t thank my items for their service, I appreciate the sentiment that something may be ripe for donation because while it served well in the past, it no longer fits this phase of my life. We don’t entertain the same way we used to, for example.
For is, though, this is iterative. You get rid of what know you don’t want/need then realize that there are still items you’re not wearing or that you’d feel better if you did more. The show makes it feel more one and done than it is in practice at our house!
In watching the show, I am fascinated by how other people relate to their things. It’s helpful at times in clarifying my own feelings about my “stuff”, both good and bad.
@Wellspring I have a section for clothes with puppy tooth holes in them!
When I read Life Changing Magic I started arranging my tops vertically. It’s made a hug difference. Much easier to see what I’m not wearing and get rid of it, though I don’t do the pile-everything-on-the-bed thing. We’re much more an ongoing purge-as-we-go approach. Our stuff is a gigantic metaphoric onion, and we’re going through it a layer at a time.
I think I’d just quit if I put everything on the bed. It would simply be overwhelming. It’s much easier for me to deal with like items.
I did all the T-shirts: the ones that are collared (polo-style) all together in a row, the ones that are for my nonprofit in another row (have a logo of our nonprofit or related org), then other T-shirts—fitted ones in one row and oversized in another row (yep, lots of T-shirts).
The top dresser draw has all underwear & swimwear.
2nd drawer has all belts and glasses and socks.
3rd drawer has jewelry.
4th & 5th drawers tshirts.
6th drawer tops, loungewear
7th drawer folded jeans, folded long sleeved T-shirts
8th drawer sweaters, thermals, scarves
The closet is where I hang things like blouses, dresses, more slacks, skirts, jackets, and warm clothes. I also have luggage there and wrapping paper, ribbons, and gifts for future giftgiving.
I’m still slowly purging things, but it’s a process. I have a ton of nightgowns, gift handkerchiefs, slips and camisoles I haven’t worn in a long time (some of them EVER). I’m sorting the easy stuff first so I don’t get discouraged or bogged down with the tougher items.
I just did my Linen closet and got rid of 2 trash bags. I don’t know why I kept all the stuff I did, it was packed full. I threw away stained pillows, flat pillows, etc. the kids are grown, no more sleep overs. I just kept 3 nicer pillows. We have 2 guest rooms now, that should be enough.
What I’d really like are new towels and wash clothes. Nothing I have matches anymore and most of them I don’t like. But I’m determined to stick to the “no unnecessary spending freeze” commitment. It’s hard as I’m a nickel and dimer.
I can’t do this with my husband here though, or he’d stop me from getting rid of most of it. The thing is, he’ll never know. I figure I’m just doing us a favor by stopping arguments if we ever move…it’s been decluttered!
I just started watching the show this weekend and I can’t believe how much I’ve identified with a lot of what she’s saying. We took a good, hard look at our clutter this past summer when we helped neighbors move. It was an elderly couple who had lived there for over 40 years. The husband had Alzheimers and the wife and daughter were simply overwhelmed. While not hoarders, they held on to things and after 40+ years, they had every closet and spare bedroom full of “stuff.” At that point we vowed we would never get that bad and cleaned out quite a bit of junk.
But we still live in a very cluttered house. (I’ll never forget someone stopping by unannounced and mentioning what a “busy” house we had.) DH watched several episodes with me and we have come to the conclusion that we often hold onto things for the wrong reasons. Like fear that we might need that cord some day, or it was given to us by someone, so we’re obligated to keep it. We’ve never focused on “what do we want to keep going forward?” and I think we need that mind shift. I’ve come to realize that some of the things that once brought me joy, are now a source of stress in my house. Too many reminders of projects I was going to do, or the skinny jeans that are in my closing guilting me for not having been worn in years. We are going to KonMari the house this summer. This weekend we started a pre-Mari phase of clearing out certain rooms and areas of stuff that’s easy to get rid of. I managed to empty three drawers in the kitchen and reclaimed my counter space and it feels good. I get anxious thinking about what an overwhelming task it will be to do the whole house, but I know that when we are through it will truly bring joy to get rid of all that clutter. I also like the idea of thanking the items. It seems silly, but it’s really just acknowledging that the item was once useful/brought joy and that it’s time to move on. It’s a way of releasing the guilt IMO.
I haven’t finished the season yet - but I think only one or two more episodes to go…but I wish one of the episodes was of a 60ish age empty nest couple clearing out their not hoarder but 35 years of marriage + three kids home…so that I could convince my H to watch ONE episode with me and see if he might get the bug and be inspired to let go of stuff.
Walking in our house on the main and 2nd floor you would say we have a fairly neat tidy, uncrowded home. BUT if you looked in the basement, the garage, THE ATTIC the whole story changes. And probably 80% of that is due to H’s things. I struggle with this A LOT. He thinks I’m ridiculous and doesn’t see it. However, 20 years ago he was saying the same things to his father - “Dad, this is a hazard! You don’t even use this stuff!”
On the episode with the widow (my favorite so far) she told the widow to make her own boxes since she was crafty. Her point was to have something pleasant to look at.
About books. DH’s mantra to me: if the info is available from other sources or you can still get that book from the library, that book doesn’t need to stay here. Unless it has special meaning or special use. You don’t need a full bookcase to somehow prove you read.
@abasket, I was shaking my head “yes” at your entire post. That garage, although organized and tidy, has just WAY too much stuff. Do we really need 3 boogie boards and 2 skim boards for example…we are past those years. Those shows won’t do me any good, it’s not relevant to his life. At least he’s an organizer. I finally got on him once when we had 2 broken lawn mowers, “for parts”. I got mad as we just had no room, so I won that battle. Other than that, I just give up.
So much if the house is “mine” so to speak, as far as closets and drawers all through the house, I’ll have to just focus on that.
I’ve only watched 3, but the widow episode just got me. I kept imaging how that would feel to get rid of my husbands clothes. It was hard not to tear up.
When my mom died my dad had my sister and me get rid of all my moms clothes because he knew he’d never be able to do it. We just loaded them into my car and here I sit with most of them still now at my house. That was a good episode for me to watch.
@gouf78 , I too have the question about stuff that belongs to DC. I know how furious I am when DH gets rid of something of mine, particularly when he has tons of stuff of his own to go through. It’s easier to decide to get rid of something you aren’t attached to - so yes, my things are easy targets for him.
But having been on the wrong end of this exchange, I don’t want to do this to my kid and toss his stuff when he’s not around. I also know he has very little interest in "tidying " so might be a little grateful. But joint tidying probably would not constitute real quality time together!
I occasionally put together a pile for him to consider when he comes home or send him photos asking “mind if I give this away?” But that is a far cry from putting it all in one place and being all KonMari about it!
I had the day off today, and went through my clothes and trinkets. I almost kept some things (jewelry and scarves) that I’ve been given, and then I realized that I don’t wear jewelry and don’t wear scarves. Never have and never will. Into the bag they went. I’m taking a much needed break now; it is EXHAUSTING to go through items and have to make so many decisions!
When my floors were redone, I got rid of 1/3 of books, mostly paperback fiction. Still, i suspect I have more than the usual amount. Everything is organized by theme. (Art, mystery, sci-fi, poetry, history and rest of fiction) My son says get rid of his books, but I’m sending him photos of a shelf at a time. I still like going thru cook books and art books. I’m ready to donate the religious books. Did I mention that I still have my teacher text books, along with the answer books? That is at least a shelf of abnormal, child, women’s psychology books.
The hardest for me is the papers. I have boxes of articles on suJects that I used often. They are not found on internet. Still, I tossed most. I kept articles that I wrote or written by friends. I kept a file of LORs. I tell myself that this is my life, and who really cares? My solution, as of yesterday, is to consolidate my professional history into a box, and mark as such. Help???
Well, double danged shoot! There is an area MK has missed and it is now my highest priority for tidying up. After several hours on the phone, it’s clear I have a corrupted Quicken file. A file with over 20 years of history. I knew things had only been limping along but now I can’t pull trustworthy reports.
So, time to start a major cleanup of a major part of my digital life.
Coincidence that it has made itself known the first month of the year. Time to let some history go and start new and fresh and correct. Sigh, not looking forward to this adventure.
Today, I rolled and stored in plastic bags woolen garments for cold weather and sweaters for cold weather. The garments look much better now that they’re rolled and in the space saver bags than they did before, plus I will be able to fibdvqnd use them as needed. Also stored some scarves in 2 gallon ziplock, rolled so bugs don’t attack as well as some scarves in plastic repurposed container.
Cleared off dresser and found my missing watch buried under the papers. Wiped counter down and allergies are much better now!
Next, planning to organize all my gift wrapping supplies and other junk in the closet that take up a surprising amount of space. Working by room section is more manageable to me.
