Congratulations on a fantastic academic record. Columbia is not impossible, if you can massage something of yours into a “hook”. Oboe is an instrument that gets people in and a scholarship at schools that offer merit money, gets people an acceptance at schools that don’t offer merit. Is your oboe playing so good that you could get into a prestigious pre-college program near you? Maybe Peabody has something? It’s just that people who attend these prestigious pre-college conservatory programs sometimes get into the Ivies. Every orchestra needs a couple of oboists, and they’re not that easy to find. So if you’re at that level, that path might vault you into Columbia.
I think that you will get into all the schools you’ve listed, other than Columbia, and that your best option will be UMd. Make sure you apply early enough for merit money, meaning I think before Nov 1st.
If your parents aren’t able and willing to pay rack rate for private colleges (>80K/yr), then your best option is definitely UMd, or chasing merit money at 3rd tier liberal arts colleges. Your grandparents might not realize that you would need an additional 200K from them to make up the difference between UMd and full fare private college. You need to have a very open and frank discussion with your parents and with your grandparents about money for college, and if they give you the “Oh, don’t you worry about that now” response, then make DARNED sure that you apply to both UMd College Park and UMd Baltimore Campus, early, so that when acceptances come through, you have affordable options.
Other schools: Probably not worth applying to other public colleges besides your in-state options, since yours is one of the better ones, as good as and possibly better than any of the Northeast/Mid Atlantic flagships, you’ll get in, and the others won’t wind up being cheaper or better than your in-state option. Definitely apply to Barnard too. Only apply to Trinity if you’re willing to be on a relatively small fortress campus in the middle of a very high crime slum area in a frankly not very exciting city. Consider Wesleyan, Amherst, Middlebury, Clark, Brandeis, Connecticut College, Williams, Bowdoin, Bates, Colgate, Haverford, Vassar, Bucknell, Colby, Dickinson, Union, Muhlenberg if you’re hell bent on a private college. Honestly, none of these are worth an extra 200K over what you’d pay for U Md college park. I only mentioned Barnard because it’s very similar to the Columbia experience you want. I left out other women’s colleges, since it doesn’t seem to be what you’re seeking. I think that if you’re considering Columbia, you should also look at Penn. It is no farther a reach than Columbia, has a campus within a city, has strong writing/history/poli sci, not quite as unattainable as Yale and Harvard. You also might consider Drexel, right next to Penn, which is primarily an engineering school but has expanded into liberal arts, might award you a lot of merit money.