<p>bookworm, yes you know my brother as I am sure he is not that different from others. His dose was 4 mg. a day; as the doctor said, this would be enough to keep me asleep for days, yet my brother works and drives on this dose. Steve managed to get himself up to 7mg by coning another doc to give him a large RX; I have no idea how he gets away with this. I know he frequents the mini medical/doc in the box around the city. When one won’t give him the meds any more, he goes to another. This is one place he seems to waste his money, the other is lottery tickets; yet he comes to mom and dad for more money, “just for a few weeks.” Of course he has never paid them back and has lived with them off and on for years.</p>
<p>I have tried to get him to apply for disability and had a person willing to help for free; Steve refused. It is very difficult to help someone that will not help himself first. Right now all he want is for someone to give him ativan. He complains of side effect when he is on every other medication from day one. That was when the calls got bad as he would call me to tell me why he couldn’t take the antipsychotic meds after taking the first pill. </p>
<p>I believe Steve sees the psychiatrist as someone to talk to on a regular basic; he doesn’t get anything out of the session as he is not open to change. As he is lonely, I think this is just a time for him to vent and he doesn’t hear a word that is said in return. All he does is bad mouth the psychiatrist, but doesn’t want to go to someone else. He has no clue what he wants or needs and I am tired of wasting my time and money. But, my parents can not handle having their son live on the streets, which will happen if I do not stay in the loop. My husband and I are about ready to cut him loose, but for my parents sake, I don’t know if I can do that.</p>
<p>Try to push the guilt away. Understand that sometimes it’s OK to cut the ties–especially when the actions of others negatively impact our personal lives and the lives of our family. For drug addicts, there comes a point when no matter how much a person tries to help, the addict refuses the help and continues on their downward spiral to hell. When compounded with mental illness, the situation is even more difficult to convince the person that he/she is in desperate need of help. They don’t see the problem for what it really is and they don’t seem to understand how their problems affect the people around them. You have tried to help. You’ve given him your support. He’s unwilling to follow through with the help that you’ve set up for him. Could it be time to cut the strings? His actions are hurting you and your kids. You’ve tried to help. He doesn’t believe he needs help–he just wants more pills. Perhaps, he needs to hit bottom. Tell him that you love him and you will help him when he’s ready to get help but until then, for the sake of your family, he needs to stay away. No more phone calls, no more knocks at the door, no more contact. If and when he’s willing to get treatment, he may leave a message on your machine and you will help. Until then, for the sake of you and your own family, he needs to not contact you. I don’t know what the right answer is but I think this is how I would handle it–right or wrong, it’s what I would probably do.</p>
<p>You having putting Steve and your parents ahead of yourself and your family yet things continue to get worse. In otherwords, not only are you driving yourself into the ground, it’s not working. If time, effort and love could fix this, you’d have fixed it long ago. </p>
<p>I cannot recommend highly enough Al-Anon. It’s not just for people who have loved ones who are active or sober alcoholics. You will be surrounded by people who are where you are or who have been there. You don’t have to say anything. Give a meeting a least a few trys before deciding it’s not the meeting for you and then try another meeting.</p>
<p>“You having putting Steve and your parents ahead of yourself and your family yet things continue to get worse. In otherwords, not only are you driving yourself into the ground, it’s not working. If time, effort and love could fix this, you’d have fixed it long ago.”</p>
<p>Sometimes it does take time and effort to find an effective solution and sometimes that solution heavily involves a pill. There are a variety of drugs out there and there may be one that works but finding it may take a lot of time, effort and cooperation.</p>
<p>In any kind of endeavor, one has to count the costs on an ongoing basis and evaluate the likelihood for success and make decisions on going forward. This sort of thing is very, very hard with an adult and I do think that it is reasonable to say no. Things have to be pretty bad when you have to lie to a relative to get rid of them for your own sanity and household.</p>
<p>I have to say that nysmile’s and pugmadkate’s perspectives are where I have finally had to land wrt my sibling. I cannot say I am truly at peace with having “given up” on trying to help/believing things will get better.</p>
<p>But it is the place where I have landed. Trying to save your parents from where your brother appears to be headed… I applaud you for that. But I don’t know if you can succeed. And I don’t know if the cost to your own nuclear family, and to yourself, is something you should feel bound to take on.</p>
<p>The only person who can help your brother is your brother. I know this is going to sound cruel but perhaps he hasn’t hit rock bottom yet and you need to let him get to that point.</p>
<p>I have just a minute to respond as we just had a large family dinner at my home and I am dog tired! Steve was perfectly fine tonight; he played with the little ones, watch the football game and carried on a semi normal conversation with others. It amazes me that he can pull it together when he needs/wants to, which to me shows that the loneliness is what gives him the most trouble. As long as there are people around, he seems to be better.</p>
<p>As many in the family expected, Steve did not go to his appointment at the county crisis center this morning. He decided he was too out of it to drive himself, so he called after the appointment time to reschedule. They were able to get him an appointment on Wednesday at 8:00AM, but the woman told him to make sure he got there this time even if he had to take a bus!</p>
<p>I am going to call our local NAMI and I am trying to get my bother to go to Narcotics Anonymous. I think he would enjoy being with people, and maybe the people there would not think he was so weird!</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for their well wishes and suggestions. My brothers actions really haven’t been a problem for me other than the last couple of weeks. I think it all just came at a time that I was making plans for the kids coming home and he just threw a curve ball in my plans. On the other hand, I do want to protect my parents; they are older and need my help. My parents have always been there for me; it is the least I can do.</p>
<p>Lots of addicts have mental health issues which probably lead them to their addiction problems to begin with. Just be cautious - addicts are very adept at playing the roles they need to get what they want right now.</p>
<p>…“My brothers actions really haven’t been a problem for me other than the last couple of weeks. I think it all just came at a time that I was making plans for the kids coming home and he just threw a curve ball in my plans. On the other hand, I do want to protect my parents; they are older and need my help. My parents have always been there for me; it is the least I can do…”</p>
<p>You and your family are your priority. Take care of you and them first! I’ve been in your shoes with my sister and mother. I feel your pain and sometimes you have to cut them off for the sake of your own sanity. It doesn’t make you a bad person.</p>